A Path Rewritten
by Defiant.Anjeru
Summary: Mass Effect 2/3 AU where Kaidan is downed by Collectors on Horizon and Shepard has no choice but to take him aboard the Normandy to save his life. A simple act that changes the path that had been laid out before them, rewriting the legend of Commander Shepard and the man at her side. Mature for violence, sexual situations, and language. Kaidan/Fem!Shepard.
1. Prologue

**A/N: **I recently replayed Mass Effect and just missed having Kaidan around in the second installment. This is how this idea came to be. I have other fics to update - which will happen soon - but this idea wouldn't bugger off. AU of Mass Effect 2 where Kaidan is taken upon the Normandy after Horizon. Enjoy and please, if you have a moment, reviews are love. :D

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**A Path Rewritten**

**Prologue  
**

* * *

The Illusive Man's words reverberated through her as the shuttle touched down on Horizon; Kaidan was here. The thought made her world reel. To him, she had been dead for two years, hadn't seen her, touched her, talked to her; to her, it had been merely weeks. Yet now he was in danger of being taken by the Collectors, the very monstrosities she had been resurrected to eradicate. God help them, if they so much as laid a hand on him, she would make sure every last one of them suffered. She had to move fast. Garrus and Jack took the rear while she took point, her M-96 Mattock taking out Collectors with a fever she almost feared; fear was pushing her, driving them through the colony at a brutal pace. When the Collector vessel departed, she watched with wide, fear-filled eyes; the mechanic pacing back and forth, shouting at her, blaming her for the attack. She couldn't think of that – where was Kaidan? Had the Collectors gathered him into one of the grotesque coffins before she had a chance to reach him?

"Who the hell are you anyway!" Shepard swallowed and dropped her gaze from the Collector vessel to the angry mechanic who was venting on her; not that she could blame him. She hadn't been able to save the majority of the colonists.

Her lips parted, ready to give an answer, but a voice – one so familiar to her, one she could remember whisper huskily against her ear – cut her off. "Captain of the Normandy, the first human Spectre, savior of the Citadel." Kaidan came forth, and glanced at the man. "You're in the presence of a legend, Delan." His brown eyes turned back to her and Shepard found herself breathless, lungs suddenly starved for oxygen as her heart pounded furiously within her chest. "And a ghost."

"All the good people we lost and you get left behind. Figures." Delan scoffed and unfolded his arms. "Screw this!" He threw up an arm in exasperation, before he stormed off. "I'm done with you Alliance types."

Kaidan came toward her and she trembled. That gentle, almost teasing, smile tilted his lips adorably – a smile she had seen often in the month after the battle for the Citadel. Often in the privacy of her cabin. She hadn't realized how desperately she had missed it, missed him, until he stood before her – real, not a dream. Not an illusion. He wrapped his arms around her and she fought the urge to weep as they hugged. An intimate embrace. As her cheek rested against his shoulder, she inhaled deeply, taking his unique aroma in. She could remember waking in her bed, rolling over and burying her nose in her pillow to take in his scent. It had been everywhere. The SR-2 Normandy…it lacked his scent, it lacked him. If she felt this torn up in this moment, she could only give a good guess as to the turmoil he would be facing.

The moment was lost, too soon. "I thought you were dead, Shepard." He sighed softly, against the strands of her dark hair. "We all did." He stepped back and her arms fell to her sides, reluctantly.

She tried to think of what to say, but her mind was muddled, confused. He looked almost angry to see her, his jaw set, and that wasn't what she wanted. She didn't want to be reunited with him only to fight. The man was stubborn, but she loved him for it. Even if he could pain in her ass. "It's been too long, Kaidan. How have you been?" It was lame, probably the worst thing to say, but nothing else came.

"It that all you have to say?" He scoffed. "You show up after two _years _and act like nothing happened?" He stepped up close to her and she sucked in a breath, suppressing a shiver. "I thought we had something, Shepard, something real. I loved you." She tried to tell herself to reach out for him, but her body was frozen. Unresponsive. "Thinking you were dead tore me apart. How could you put me through that? Why didn't you try to contact me? Why didn't you let me know you were alive?" His voice rose sharply and by the end, she certainly felt his anger – her own rose in response. She was dead, for crying out loud, and now he was yelling at her for it?

"I'm sorry, Kaidan," she reigned in her anger for fear of making this reunion take an ugly turn; more so than it already had. "I was clinically dead. It took two years to bring me back…so much time has passed…you've moved on. I don't…"She swallowed, took in a deep breathe; she didn't want to say these things, really, but it was the truth. No doubt some other lucky woman had swept him away and taken him from her reach for good. "I don't want to reopen old wounds."

"I did move on," he snapped out and she nearly flinched. The thought of him with someone was torture, even if she had been dead. "At least, I thought I did." He sighed, looked down. Took a moment of silence. "But now we've got reports of you and Cerberus." He gaze, when it rose, was accusatory. "Alliance Intel thought Cerberus might have been behind the missing colonies. I got a tip this colony might be the next one hit. Anderson stonewalled me…but there were rumors that you weren't dead. That you…" He frowned tightly, "were working for the enemy."

Her hands curled into fists at her side; couldn't he at least be thankful she was alive? That, through some miracle, she was here and not buried, forgotten, dead. She sighed softly. "Kaidan…our colonies are disappearing. The Alliance turned its back on them. Cerberus is the only group willing to do something about it."

"You can't really believe that!" He nearly shouted, stalking angrily about until he came to stand in front of her. "We both know what Cerberus is like, what they're capable of!" He sucked in a deep breath and she fought the urge to stroke her hand over his jaw, like she used to do when he was angry. "I wanted to believe the rumors that you were alive, but I never expected anything like this! You turned your back on everything we ever believed in! You betrayed the Alliance, you betrayed me." His words were like a slap in the face and she did flinch. His eyes widened slightly, as if surprised his words could affect her that way, before he narrowed them stubbornly.

She had been dead. Cerberus had brought her back. Gave her life, gave her a chance – should she survive the Omega 4 relay – to be with him again. And they were the only ones who were giving her what she needed to stop the Collectors. How could he say these things to her? "Kaidan, you _know_ me!" She snapped out in irritation. "You _know _I'd only do this for the right reason! You saw it yourself – the Collectors are targeting human colonies and they're working with the _Reapers_!"

He frowned, his brows creasing in a way that meant he was thinking. Intensely. She could remember running her thumbs between his brows and chuckling – _there's that line again, Kaidan; you need to relax_ – words teasingly, affectionately. "I want to believe you, Shepard, but I _don't _trust Cerberus. They could be using the threat of the Reapers to manipulate you. What if they're behind it? What if they are working for the Collectors?"

"Kaidan, you're so focused on Cerberus, you're missing the big picture," the annoyed comment came from Garrus, a scoff following.

"I can't blame him. I don't trust them either," Jack added causing Shepard to roll her eyes; leave it Jack to make it worse.

"You're letting how you feel about their history get in the way of the facts, Kaidan," Shepard sighed and rolled her shoulders.

"Maybe," he grumbled. "Or maybe you feel like you owe Cerberus because they saved you. Maybe you're the one not thinking straight." She sighed again, clenching and unclenching her fingers; he was being emotional, she knew that. These were words spoken with hurt. "You've changed but I still know where my loyalties lie. I am an Alliance soldier, always will be. I've got to report back to the Citadel – they can decided whether they believe your story or not." With that, he turned and started walking away from her. Turning his back on her. Leaving her.

"I could use you," she blurted out, her limbs tingling – how did he manage to make her feel so damned anxious? This was not how she pictured their reunion going. His stubbornness was ruining it. "On my team, I mean. It would be just like old times."

"No it won't," he sighed as he stopped to slant his body enough so he could see her. "I'll never work for Cerberus. Goodbye Shepard, and be careful."

She watched his start his retreat, almost in disbelief. He had said he loved her, and yet he was leaving her here, turning his back on her and everything they had ever had together. He said she had betrayed him – no, he was betraying her, them, what they had. She would gladly go after him because she loved him, but there was a higher calling here, one that she couldn't turn her back on. If he understood that, if he really loved her, believed in her, he would have helped her. His hate of Cerberus was clouding his judgment, she knew this – they all did. In truth, he probably did as well.

She went to reestablish the comm link with the Normandy, order Joker to come retrieve them, but the distinct sound of Collectors had her halting. Three of them spilled from within one of the colonist's home, their rifles aimed at Kaidan's back – it seemed to happen in slow motion. She screamed a warning and he turned, only to take a direct shot from the Collectors' beam; he shouted hoarsely, as the weapons cut through his shields and sent him flying into the opposite wall of one of the buildings. He was unconscious before he hit the ground and Shepard saw red.

"Take them out!" She shouted the order as she swung her M-96 Mattock around, finger pulling the trigger with unrestrained anger so that the three creatures were caught in an onslaught of fire, not only from her but Garrus as well, and Jack as she pummeled them with biotic throws, slams, before taking their corpses and sending them flying over a high wall. Shepard couldn't pay attention to that. She darted forward, kneeling by Kaidan's crumpled body and laying a hand on his chest; it rose, but only slightly before falling. His breathing was shallow. She fired up her omni tool and scanned; multiple burns, broken ribs, bruises. She had to get him onto the Normandy or he would likely die, and that was not something she would allow.

He may end up hating her for it, but she had no other choice. He was coming with her.


	2. Chapter One

**A/N: **Turned this idea over in my head for possible ways to continue; for all the attention this fic has already received – favorites, alerts, etc – you all have my grand appreciation. Thank you so much! I am so sorry the update took so long; hopefully updates will come to me more quickly in the future.

Disclaimer: Bioware

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**A Path Rewritten**

**Chapter One  
**

* * *

She needed to update the Illusive Man on what had transpired on Horizon, but the uppity bitch – of course she meant Miranda – had yet to let her board the elevator, instead opting to drag the commander back to her office where she was currently giving her a tongue lashing – and not the good kind.

" - breach of protocol. He's a danger, Shepard, one we cannot afford - "

Shepard had to keep herself from drifting in and out, but it was nearly impossible; Miranda may have brought her back to life, but she didn't much care for the Cerberus spy(she held no delusions that all information that wasn't relayed by planted bugs to the Illusive Man, was done so by the genetically altered XO). Jacob she trusted far more, given he held doubts about Cerberus; Miranda held nothing but unwavering faith.

"Shepard! Are you listening to me?" Miranda snapped as she folded her arms across her chest.

Shepard bit the inside of her cheek and nodded; best to let her think she had her unwavering attention. The sooner she could relay the mission report, the sooner she could go check on Kaidan. Chakwas had assured her he would be alright, but that didn't help the apprehensive churn in Shepard's gut.

"He's off this ship, as soon as Chakwas gives him the all clear."

"Excuse me?" Shepard's brows drew tight over her eyes, eyes still slightly tinted red by her cybernetic implants. "Last I checked I was in charge of this mission, Lawson. Who stays and who goes on this ship is my concern."

Miranda scowled and didn't budge. "No, Shepard. He's not staying."

"Lawson - "

"He won't even want to stay, Shepard!" Miranda snapped impatiently. "This _is _a Cerberus ship, Shepard, and he hates us – whether you like to acknowledge it or not, you _are _working with us."

"Don't remind me," Shepard grumbled. She sighed, rubbed a hand over her face tiredly. "Listen – I am not going to argue with you about this. He's staying – at least until he's better. If he chooses to leave after that...well, I can't stop him. He'll likely do what you want and bail, so enough of this. I have a report to make." Not giving the woman a change to retort, Shepard turned on her heel and left the XO office, heading to the elevator. She had to use every ounce of strength she had left not to glance at the windows of the med bay for a brief visual reassurance that Kaidan really was here, alive and well.

She cut herself off emotionally, set herself on auto pilot. Onto the elevator, off into the CIC, in through Mordin's lab, down the hall, into the briefing room. Down the table went and she stepped forward, the EDI establishing a holographic link with the Illusive Man so they could, well, chat.

He didn't look pleased.

"So I hear we have a guest."

Miranda. _Nosy bitch_, Shepard growled to herself. She wondered how long it had taken her to alert Tim – her nickname for him when she was too lazy to keep saying 'the Illusive Man' – to their guest. Hell, probably hadn't waited a moment longer than after she boarded with him tossed over her shoulders.

"Yes. Staff-Commander Alenko was injured by Collectors left behind by the Collector ship. I had no choice but to bring him aboard."

He took a drag off his cigarette, quiet for a few moments. "You made sure he's properly contained?" In other words, not free to roam _his _ship.

"He's not going anywhere," Shepard assured. _Yet. _

"_Keep it that way_," he said after another long moment and there was no misunderstanding the threat laced in those words. "Now – about Horizon..."

* * *

Kaidan came to gradually, if not groggily. He groaned, his hand finding his temple and clutching it as he tried to sit up. A pair of hands found his shoulders and eased him back down to the rigid bed – cool table – beneath him.

"Easy there, Alenko."

He recognized that voice, but hadn't heard it for years, not since he had attended Shepard's funeral and pretty much told them all to leave him alone. That he wanted nothing to do with the 'old crew' and just wanted to move on, to do something to stave off the unbearable pain that came with the knowledge that his Shepard was dead. _Dead_.

An image of her standing just a few feet from him on Horizon flashed through his mind. She wasn't dead. She was alive, like the rumors had said, like Anderson had told him; had she really even died?

_Cerberus. _The name was hissed in his mind, his teeth clenching at the mere thought of them. _And she's with them. With Cerberus. _

That pain – that he'd spent years whittling down to a mild throb – came rushing back all at once. She had betrayed him; faked her death, only to reappear within their enemy's ranks.

Wait – last he recalled, they'd been arguing on Horizon. She had begged him to come with her, that it could be like old times, and he had had to use every bit of hurt, betrayal, resistance, to turn her down. Then he'd turned to leave, she shouted his name, a warning, then there was pain and nothing but darkness.

Where was he? Again, he recalled who was here with him – Chakwas. She was Alliance wasn't she, so perhaps he had been turned over to the Alliance and was in a medical bay on some ship or another. Shepard wouldn't have dragged him onto her _Cerberus_ vessel, knowing how vehemently he despised the organization.

"Where am I?" he croaked out, letting his eyes flutter open though he winced at the brightness of the lights.

"EDI, dim the lights," Chakwas commanded and almost immediately, the lights did so. He almost gave a groan of relief, letting his eyes fully open now so he could peer around the room.

Med bay, for sure. Chakwas, double sure. The windows were cloaked so he couldn't see outside of the room.

"How are you feeling, Alenko? We almost lost you there." Chakwas pulled her chair to his bedside, patting his hand and offering him a friendly grin; for a moment he was pulled back to the Normandy, when Shepard had been injured after tearing him away from the beacon on Eden Prime. She'd offered that same smile to Shepard then.

He mentally shook himself – _don't go there_, he reminded himself harshly. Thinking of Shepard brought nothing but pain. Especially now.

"I'm fine," he bit out, probably a bit more harshly than he intended. It didn't seem to phase her. She simply shook her head with that same smile. "Where am I?"

"Aboard the Normandy - "

"Impossible!" He snapped, jerking upright on the bed, immediately regretting the action when his temples throbbed in response. He kept himself upright, however, eyes narrowed on the doctor. "We both know the Normandy was destroyed."

"If you would let me finish - " she chuckled, still not phased by his harsh tone, "you are aboard the _Normandy SR-2._"

He went to snap his denial again, but then the words registered. SR-2. "The Alliance rebuilt the Normandy?" He croaked, feeling betrayed that no one had told him. First Shepard, now the Alliance.

"No, 'fraid not." Now there was wariness in her tone and she stood from the chair to pace to the window, standing with her back to him. "Same people who brought Shepard back to life rebuilt our ship. Not the Alliance."

It took a moment to click, but when it did, Kaidan was certain he was seeing red. The anger, the bitterness, was so potent, he could have choked on it. "Cerberus?" He spat the name like a curse. _Hmph. They are a curse. _

She nodded and turned to face him again. "Yes, but Kaidan - " he noted that she had switched to his first name, no doubt using to familiarity for benefit of soothing his ire - "this really isn't a Cerberus vessel. Yes, the Illusive Man funds us, yes he built the ship, but Shepard is in charge. I believe in Shepard and I know she is doing this for the right reasons, reasons similar to mine and Joker's."

He stiffened. "Joker too? How many of you defected?"

"We did not defect," she said, her tone suddenly almost as rigid as his. "They abandoned us, Kaidan. They separated us, grounded us, locked away the files, and denied everything we had done. They _discredited _Shepard, after all that she had done; she gave her _life _and they couldn't have blackened her name any more quickly than they did. Cerberus brought her back, and brought us together to fight the threat the Alliance ignores."

"Nothing you say is going to make a difference," Kaidan grumbled. "I want off this ship. Now."

"I'm afraid that isn't possible – yet," a voice – so achingly familiar – said from the doorway. He turned his gaze to where Shepard stood, rigid, arms folded defensively her chest. How long had she been standing there? How much had she heard? From the way she gazed at him – hurt, wary, and angry – he assumed she'd probably been there all along. He couldn't be certain.

"Shepard..." her name was both a curse and a prayer. His chest was painfully tight, all over again, his heart tearing in two.

"Chakwas, can you give us the room please?" She addressed the doctor now, ignoring him and he find that irritating as hell. The doctor nodded and was gone a moment later, the doors hissing shut behind her.

"Shepard - "

"Shh." She narrowed his eyes on him, putting a finger to her lips to signal him to shut the hell up. "EDI – has Lawson put any bugs in the med bay?"

"Negative, Shepard," a electronic voice replied.

She nodded and uncrossed her arms with a soft sigh. He noted that she didn't move, instead keeping herself as far away from him as the space in the room allowed. Somehow that irritated the hell out of him too.

Already he knew this wasn't going to go well. And yet, that part of him, that he hated to acknowledge since the rumors had started, wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms, to assure him that she was well, alive, and not cold and dead, buried, as she'd been in his nightmares.

He had to get off this ship. The sooner, the better.


	3. Chapter Two

A/N: Again, much, much, much love for all the attention! You guys rock! Long fic will be long, so it makes me so happy to see it already flourishing. ^^

Disclaimer: Bioware.

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**A Path Rewritten**

**Chapter Two  
**

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The words were there, in her throat, at the tip of her tongue, but they refused to leave her mouth. Her gaze couldn't even remain fixed on Kaidan for more than a moment, before it fell to her feet. Damnit, this was not who she was; she was tough as nails, could compartmentalize, and yet, being here in his presence made her weak in the knees. She swore she was trembling, but she kept her arms tightly crossed, body rigid. He would not see her weakness, see how badly his presence affected her.

He was here...really here. It felt as if she'd seen him only weeks before, but for him, she'd been gone for _years. _

"I want off this ship, immediately." His tone was cold, detached, maybe even angry – she couldn't be certain – and her gaze jumped back to his, a harsh lump in her throat now. He wanted away from her so badly; on Horizon, he'd said he'd loved her. Past tense. Perhaps he no longer cared what she did, or with who. Her traitorous heart cared what she did, and with who, because she ached for him, had missed him from the very moment she'd woken in that Cerberus lab.

"Kaidan - "

"No, don't, Shepard." His features were tight, jaw tense. "What needed to be said, has already been said. I don't want to talk any more, I just want off this ship." He pushed himself up off the med lab table, then grimaced and sat himself back down; stubborn man should have realized he couldn't have been completely healed yet, she mentally sighed as she watched a hand clutch at his right side.

His words should have made her angry, and they did, but only slightly; like an irritating bite that just itched and itched and you were angry, determined not to scratch at it for the brief moment of relief. She didn't want to be angry with him. She didn't want to fight. Didn't want to waste this little bit of time they had, before he chose to leave her.

She didn't want him to go. The weakness in her, the woman in her, longed for the moments they'd had, lounging naked in her bed on the old Normandy, or even the simple glances that had spoken volumes of what they'd felt for each other.

To think their argument on Horizon had been the first time she had ever heard him say he loved her.

She hadn't wanted to hear it like that. Not like that.

"You can't leave - "

"I can and damnit, Shepard, I will," he ground out stubbornly.

"Yet! You can't leave yet," she snapped out, irritated now at his continuous interruptions.

He narrowed his eyes, suspicious now. "Why?"

Shepard rolled her eyes with a chuckle, letting her arms fall to her sides as she moved to Chakwas' desk and half reclined against it. "Because, you idiot, you're still injured. I don't want you to leave until you're fully recovered. It wasn't because I had nefarious Cerberus plans for you."

"Oh," he said, lamely. Speechless, that was a nice change.

"Kaidan...I meant what I said on Horizon; I really was dead," he moved as if to interrupt her, but stilled at her suddenly angry glare, "I didn't _defect_. I didn't _lie_. I didn't _fake my death._"

He laughed, almost in disbelief, swiping a hand through his dark hair. "People don't come back from the dead, Shepard. You can understand how I might be a little...reluctant to believe such a wild tale."

It was her turn to laugh, though her laugh was bitter. "Hard for _you_ to believe? Hell, Kaidan, it's hard for me to believe and it's happening _to me_." Those tears threatened to spill, burning, but she stubbornly held them back with a grind of her teeth.

"People don't come back from the dead, Shepard," he repeated, jaw set.

"I didn't fake my death, Kaidan. When have I ever lied to you? I was clinically dead. It took _two years_ to...put me back together. Jacob told me," she swallowed thickly, "that I was nothing more than meat and tubes when he'd first laid eyes on me."

"Another one of your Cerberus crew, I take it?" He almost spat the words distastefully. "How can you believe anything they tell you, Shepard? When has Cerberus ever been honest?" His warm amber gaze was hard, determined, as if to make her see what he saw – a mistake.

"I saw the project files, Kaidan; pictures, medical jargon, the works."

"Nothing new for their elaborate lies. They would do anything to get you on their side, Shepard. Hell, who wouldn't?"

Now she was getting pissed. "Damnit, Kaidan – _I was dead! _What don't you get about that? What would they have to gain by convincing me I was dead, if I really hadn't been?"

"Your loyalty, Shepard! How can you be so blind?"

She slammed her fist down on the desk behind her, her chest heaving as she tried to calm herself. What she had once loved about him was now irritating the hell out her; how the hell could he be so bloody stubborn? "I am not with Cerberus, Kaidan. I'm using them," she grit out between her teeth, eyes narrowed on him. She wanted to kiss those stubbornly thinned lips, almost as much as she wanted to strangle him.

The doors hissed open and both of them whipped their gazes only to find that Garrus had let himself in. "She's telling the truth, Alenko, but you're just being such a damned fool that you can't let yourself stop being bitter for two minutes to believe her."

As much as she wanted to hug her turian friend for the rescue, Shepard also had to fight the urge to smack him for involving himself in an obviously private matter. However, after how Garrus had seen Kaidan treat her on Horizon, she couldn't blame him; they had been rather over protective of each other since their reunion on Omega.

"Garrus." Kaidan grunted the name, folding his arms over his chest. "I don't see how any of this is your business. Hell, I don't even want to be here, much less having this conversation. I don't know you – either of you – anymore and I won't let you talk me into defecting to Cerberus."

His words hurt, far more than he must have realized. Tears burned in her eyes and she knew they both could see them, in the way Garrus stiffened and the way Kaidan softened – if only ever so slightly. "You know what, fine, Kaidan, believe whatever you want – you obviously don't believe me, and you don't trust me. Do whatever you want, you selfish, stubborn ass!" She turned, regretting her harsh words, but stormed from the room and into the elevator. She didn't even make it to her room before she crumpled and allowed herself to cry for the first time since her miraculous resurrection.

* * *

"What happened to you, Garrus?" Kaidan grumbled, reclining back on the medical bed. "You hated Cerberus just as much as the rest of us; I never would have thought to see you working with them."

Garrus growled. "Is that all you're going to focus on? Spirits, Kaidan, maybe you are a stubborn ass." Kaidan's gaze found the turian's, surprised. "What? Surprised? She came back from the dead, Alenko. She came back and _saved me_. Cerberus, or not, I would follow her into hell. I would have expected the same loyalty from the man who claimed to love her, but you couldn't have turned your back on her anymore quickly than you did."

"You don't have any right to talk to me like that," Kaidan snapped, slamming a fist down onto the edge of the bed, his biotics humming around him in a faint blue haze. "Stay out of it, Vakarian." The man had been a friend once, the least he owed him was a warning. If he chose to ignore it, that was on him.

"You're a fool. She has never stopped loving you. Since the moment she woke on that station, still healing, scarred, and under attack, she was determined to find you. She tried. She tried to find you, to get a hold of you somehow, but Anderson stone walled her. The council gave her peripheral support, but turned their backs on her publicly. No one would give her any information."

"If she wanted to message me, she would have." Kaidan insisted, almost insulted by Garrus' speech; he had been awfully quick to denounce Shepard, but who could blame him? She had been dead. _Dead_. And he'd spent two goddamn years trying to get over her, only to spiral back into the pits after seeing her alive on Horizon.

"And I thought turians were thick headed," Garrus grumbled with a shake of his head.

"Just get out of here, Garrus."

"I am trying to _help _you," the turian sighed. "Trying to help her. You're hurting her and you are the only one capable of destroying her – and you're doing a pretty damned good job of it so far." He turned without another word and left, the medical bay doors hissing shut behind him, leaving Kaidan to wallow in his bitterness, self pity, and anger, as he had been doing for years.

As much as he had been angry, as much as he had been bitter, as much as he'd been suspicious, he hadn't been able to keep himself from looking at her like he used to; her sapphire eyes – tinted red now – and her dark, now somewhat unruly, hair framing a pale, scarred face. She'd looked tired, as if she'd faced death and barely walked away alive, and he'd desperately wanted to believe her, believe in her, but he couldn't.

Not while she was with Cerberus. There was no way. He couldn't trust her, as badly as he ached to do just that.

* * *

Garrus was livid, and it wasn't often that he allowed himself to indulge in such emotions, but Kaidan just seemed to have brought out the worst in him. How could he treat Shepard like that, after everything she had done for them, for the Galaxy, was _still _doing? Sure, Garrus didn't trust Cerberus either, but he wasn't working for them, he was here for Shepard and would only follow her orders(much to Miranda's annoyance).

He'd left the med bay because he had been close to punching the man he used to respect, used to call his friend. Shepard's death had all affected them adversely, Kaidan most of all, but they'd been happy to have her back, with or without Cerberus; Kaidan was letting the ties with the organization get in the way, letting it cloud his better judgment that _knew _Shepard was innocent and could be trusted.

"Fool," Garrus muttered again. Right now, he couldn't see what Shepard saw in the human biotic. He had treated her harshly since the moment they'd reunited on Horizon, save one brief embrace he allowed himself. An embrace that raised Shepard's hopes, Garrus had seen it, seen it fall to pieces once the bastard had opened his mouth.

Kaidan didn't deserve Shepard and personally, Garrus couldn't wait to see him leave; better he leave now before he caused even more damage.

With a growl, Garrus went to find Shepard, knowing she probably needed a distraction now more than ever.


	4. Chapter Three

A/N: Thank you for your continued support! All the alerts, favorites, and reviews always make my day! Thank you! You keep my motivation in gear, especially when I work so hard on a fic.

For anyone interested, I also now have a portion of my profile dedicated to my on-going works/future works, so feel free to take a peek for information if you like.

Disclaimer: Bioware

* * *

**A Path Rewritten**

******Chapter Three**

* * *

"Kaidan is to be allowed all the rights and privileges of any member of the crew," Shepard informed Miranda the next day, wanting to roll her eyes at the angry expression that appeared as a direct result.

"He isn't a member of the crew, Commander. I won't be giving him any privileges. He can stay in the med bay until he's ready to leave."

She wanted to snap at her. Or more like snap something of her's. Maybe an arm. Or better yet, just smack that smug little bit of satisfaction off her face. This was her ship, dammit. Miranda was her XO. That meant Shepard's word came first, above all else. The only person who hadn't gotten the memo? Miranda, of course.

"What if he doesn't want to leave?" Shepard taunted.

"I doubt he said he wants to stay." Miranda shook her head and folded her arms. "And he isn't getting free roam of a ship that belongs to an organization he despises."

Shepard took a deep breath, to keep herself calm. "Lawson, I am only going to tell you this one more time; this is _my _ship. If I want him to have free reign, he will have it. Don't like it, get the hell off my ship."

They stared each other down for a long moment before Miranda threw up her hands in exasperation. "Fine, but he is _not _getting access to any of the terminals."

"I can agree with that. For now," she added the last bit almost subconsciously, a part of her believing that Kaidan would eventually come around and help her with her mission. He was lucky he hadn't been thrown out an airlock after their last conversation; if Garrus hadn't come to talk her down, he would have been. "Kindly inform Chakwas. I'll be in my quarters looking over the dossiers."

"The assassin would be best to recruit first; he's very skilled, and will be invaluable to the team," Miranda said as Shepard turned and headed for the door out of her office.

"Noted – however, Tali's knowledge of tech and engineering may come in more use for upgrades to the Normandy. Upgrades take time, the sooner I can convince her to join us, the sooner they can be started."

"Good point. I defer to your judgment on this matter, Commander."

_As if you had a choice. _Shepard couldn't help the thought as she left, the door hissing shut behind her. Seriously, Miranda's attitude was getting old fast. If it didn't change...well, she doubted she could continue working with the woman, whether or not she was little ol' Timmy's right hand woman.

Shepard couldn't help but glance at the window of the med bay, eyes eating up every little bit of Kaidan as he sat talking with the good doctor; he looked pensive, a frown on his lips, lips she had once kissed with happy abandon in the mere few weeks they'd had together before she...before she died. He was in pain, she knew that, but damn him, she was in pain too. Why couldn't he see that? He'd always been stubborn, but she'd never hated that trait in him until Horizon. Now that part of him threatened to tear them apart. Not that it already hadn't.

Who was she trying to fool – too much had happened, too much had come between them. He didn't trust her and that cut more deeply than anything else. After everything they'd been through to stop Saren – including sacrificing Ashley to save his life on Virmire – she thought he had trusted her. Now, she knew better, and that's what hurt more than anything.

As if he sensed her stare, Kaidan turned his face toward the window, his warm amber eyes softening ever so slightly. It was brief, and over before she even blinked, his gaze hardening as he pressed his lips together tightly in a thin line. She could feel herself crumbling under that hard gaze, but straightened and kept her chin up. They stared at each other, each refusing to back down, but then Chakwas said something to catch his attention and he turned away.

That's when she allowed herself to slump, the feeling on her shoulders all too familiar; she'd given everything her entire life for everyone around her. Would it really be too much to ask for a little bit of happiness to make that weight just a bit more bearable?

"Shepard."

She straightened, caught off guard by the dual-toned timbre of Garrus' voice. She hadn't heard him approach from the main battery. With a smile, she turned toward him. "Hey Garrus."

He studied her thoughtfully, then glanced between her and the med bay before just settling on her again. "Everything alright? He didn't say anything stupid again, did he?"

Shepard couldn't help but chuckle. "Everything is fine, though I am perfectly capable of booting Kaidan out of the airlock if need be, so don't worry so much."

Garrus' mandibles fluttered in what she knew was a smile. "Duly noted, Commander." He folded his arms across his armored chest and leaned against the counter where Rupert was often making food for the crew(now _happily _doing so since Shepard had picked up better stock for him to cook with). "What is your plan for him? If you don't mind my asking, that is." He added the last bit a little warily, as if he were afraid she'd get angry with him for trying to nose into her personal matters. Ah, Garrus. It was nice to have a real friend with her, who always had her back no matter who she worked for.

"Honestly?" He nodded. "I have no idea. Kaidan refused to join us. I would have let him walk away on Horizon if he hadn't been injured and in need of immediate medical care. It would be unethical to keep him here against his will...wouldn't it?"

"It would probably be better for him," Garrus muttered, "but I don't think it would be better for you." He shuffled his feet a bit, glanced away almost as if he were uncomfortable with what he wanted to say. "It's obvious that he is causing you nothing but pain."

Shepard grimaced and let out an exaggerated sigh. "_That _obvious, huh? Shit and I thought I was all inconspicuous and mysterious."

He couldn't help but chuckle softly at that. "Well, it's obvious to me at least. And he's lucky I haven't laid into him yet after all that crap he said to you."

"Thanks Garrus," Shepard moved toward him and clapped her hand on his arm, "you're the best friend any girl could ask for."

He gave her a strange look, but it was so brief that Shepard was sure she had imagined it. He pulled her into a crushing hug and then stepped back, his mandibles flaring in a grin. "Of course I am. Now who are we picking up next?"

"I thought we could go get Tali, you know, get another one of the friendlies on the inside. Don't get me wrong, you and Joker are great, but I need a girl to gossip with." She lowered her voice to a conspirator's whisper. "You know?"

Garrus was helpless and couldn't help but laugh and Shepard was glad to see it. He'd been through so much in the years she had been gone, she could see it in the way he carried himself, and the situation she'd found him in on Omega; he didn't openly talk about what exactly it was that had affected him so changeably, at least not yet but she would be there for him when he did. He had her back and she would make damn sure she had his. They turned and began the walk out of the mess hall, Shepard unable to keep herself from finding Kaidan through the windows, only to find herself taken back by the turbulent expression on his handsome face. He looked angry and hurt, more so than before, and maybe even...jealous? Nah, had to be her hopeful heart making sense of something that wasn't really there. A soft sigh and she glanced away, telling herself '_it is for the best_' even if she didn't fully believe in those words.

She and Garrus chatted on their way up to the CIC about non consequential crap. Once there she stepped up to the Galaxy Map and studied it, before nodding to herself.

"Joker, set a course for Haestrom. We're going to get Tali," she told Joker over the comm.

"Aye aye, ma'am!" She could hear the grin in his voice and it was good to know she wouldn't be the only one happy to have her Quarian friend back.

* * *

Kaidan had watched the whole exchange between Garrus and Shepard when he had glanced over and seen that the turian had wandered over to talk. He couldn't make out much of what they were saying, but he was certain he'd seen his name on Shepard's lips; how could he forget what that looked like? What it sounded like? It had become a necessary part of his daily routine on the Normandy to hear his name on her lips, a breathy little moan of need he had been helpless to deny. Not that he wanted to. Ever. Since their night before Ilos, he hadn't been able to keep himself away from her, regs be damned.

But now? With that pensive frown on her lips, the hurt in her eyes when she said his name...well, he didn't like that, but when he recalled all that he'd said to her, he couldn't blame her for it.

She was helping him and how was he treating her? Like an ungrateful brute.

It didn't help that when Garrus had wrapped Shepard up in his arms and hugged her, Kaidan's heart had constricted with jealousy. _He _should be the one with his arms around Shepard.

He cursed under his breath making Chakwas look at him oddly for a moment, before she glanced out the window to see what had caused it. Then she had met his gaze with a sad, understanding look. He hated that look right now, even if it was coming from a gentle woman like the good doctor. The "I'm sorry for your loss" look. He hadn't seen it since Shepard's funeral.

"What?" He snapped the word far more harshly than he intended, pushing off the thoughts of the second worst day of his life – watching Shepard die would always be first. He'd had numerous nights of nightmares, watching the Normandy erupt in flames, shot to pieces, watching as an armored body was flung free from the wreckage and toward the planet of Alchera...it was a sight that he would never forget, as much as he wanted to.

She looked at him for a long moment before she sighed softly, shaking her head. "Nothing. I'll just never understand why you haven't run to her."

"That's...that's really none of your business," he said as gently as he could, not wanting to be rude to a woman who had never been anything but kind to him. "Things are...complicated."

Chakwas scoffed. "I hadn't gathered that."

"Dr. Chakwas - "

"Don't bother, Alenko. I'll let the two of you work out your own problems."

"Thank you - "

She cut him off, "she literally came back from the dead; you two were given a second chance against impossible odds. Don't waste it."

"I..." Kaidan frowned, averting his eyes; why did he suddenly feel so ashamed, like a little kid who was being scolded for bad behavior? "I'll keep your words in mind."

"Good, that's all I can ask for," the good doctor clapped her hands together. A ping of sound had her turning to her terminal, pulling up a message. After a moment or two reading it, she closed it and turned back to him. "It seems Shepard had a talk with Miranda about your confinement to the med bay. You are now free to roam the ship as any other member of the crew."

He scowled, "I'm not - "

"Yes, yes, I know. You're _not _a member of a crew on a _Cerberus _ship." She waved off his denial with an exasperated sigh. "Yet, I keep telling you this isn't Cerberus' ship, it's _Shepard's._"

Kaidan sighed and scrubbed his hand over his face, giving up the argument for now; he and Chakwas would just end up going in circles, saying the same things, as they had many times already. She wouldn't stop trying to convince him, and he wouldn't accept what she said. He couldn't.

"Does that mean I can _request_," he bit out the word almost begrudgingly, "to be transferred to an Alliance vessel?"

"Afraid not; One, you're not completely healed yet and two, we are on our way to Haestrom."

"But I – wait, you said Haestrom? Isn't that in the Far Rim?" _The quarian's part of space, why would Shepard be going there...? _

Chakwas nodded. "Shepard ran into Tali'zorah shortly after she was brought back. She told me that Tali would consider joining her once her own mission for the quarians was complete."

"_Tali _agreed to work with Cerberus?" He asked, clearly surprised. Cerberus didn't like aliens and was a pro-human centric organization. They did things, unforgivable things, against other races. Though, Garrus was here, he remembered, but still Tali didn't seem the type.

"Kaidan, when are you going to let it get through your thick head – we are working with _Shepard. _Garrus, Tali, Joker, and I, we may not trust Cerberus," she said sternly, "but we trust Shepard."

_So why can't you? _

The unspoken question hung in the air between them and for once, Kaidan couldn't think of an answer.


	5. Chapter Four

**A/N: **Thank you all again for your continued reviews, favorites, and alerts! I'm loving writing this fic, and enjoying it so much more knowing you all are enjoying it too!

Disclaimer: Bioware

* * *

**A Path Rewritten**

******Chapter Four**

* * *

Kaidan's anger was beginning to fade and, as it did, he realized what a fool he'd been since being taken aboard Shepard's ship. Yeah, he had his morals and beliefs, his reasons for what he did, but Shepard did as well, and he'd been walking all over them since they moment they'd been reunited on Horizon. Yeah, he didn't trust Cerberus, but Shepard had never given him a reason not to trust her. He still wasn't sure if he believed her incredible tale of resurrection, but he could at least give her the benefit of the doubt and dig for information where he could. He supposed he _should _talk to Shepard.

His ribs were still a bit sore, but he could move around now without no more than a slight, occasional, twinge of pain. So he opted to make use of his new privileges and left the med bay in search of Shepard, offering a lame excuse about 'getting to know his prison' to Chakwas who rolled her eyes with a small laugh.

"Ah! You're up and about now! Come, get something to eat! I'll give you the Rupert Special," a balding, stocky man was speaking to him and Kaidan felt himself get caught up in the man's friendly exuberance. "Sit, sit, take a load off." With a slight smile, Kaidan shook his head and took a seat at one of the empty mess hall tables; there were Cerberus operatives at the other table and he was having none of that.

A moment later the man, Rupert, brought him a steaming bowl of stew. "Thank you."

"No problem! A friend of Shepard's is a friend of mine!" The man went to move away, but Kaidan grasped the man's wrist to stop him. Once he stopped, he let the wrist go.

"Would you mind sitting with me? I haven't been out of the medical bay since I was brought on board, I have some questions."

"Sure, no problem." Rupert grinned and took a seat across the table from him. He was surprised to find the man pleasant company as he ate; he certainly had not expected any of the Cerberus crew to be so...well, inviting? "What did you want to know?"

Kaidan thought carefully as he scooped up another bite(some part of him was surprised to find that the food wasn't poisoned). "I served on the SR-1with Shepard, but I imagine this copy isn't an exact copy in terms of layout."

"Mmhmm, that's true. I don't know much about the original Normandy layout, but I can tell you about our baby here." Rupert sounded proud, he noticed. "This is deck 3, technically. Deck 2 is the CIC, and bridge. It also has the weapon room, where Jacob spends his time, and then the medical lab, where that weird, hyper-active Salarian – Mordin I believe his name was – is hiding out. Joker never really seems to leave the bridge." The man shrugged and Kaidan felt a bit of relief that some things never changed. "Deck 3, that's here, is a number of things. Observation rooms, life support, mess hall, med bay, main battery, XO's office, restrooms; XO is Miranda, and the main battery is where Garrus holes himself up, always doing calibrations to the ship's guns. Deck 4 has the engine room, cargo holds, the works. I'd stay away from the Cargo hold and the storage for the engines; Grunt and Jack aren't exactly social. Nasty tempers, both of them, though I think I would take the Krogan over that crazy woman any day. Massani is alright, but beware of Kasumi; she's a master thief apparently and is always in trouble." The man nodded and folded his arms over his chest. "I think that about covers the important bits."

Kaidan's brow rose at the amount of information the man passed onto him; he obviously had no problem with trust, or he simply trusted him because he was Shepard's friend. He sighed softly. "Wait, what's on deck 1?"

Rupert's brows rose nearly into his hair. "Oh, that's the Captain's quarters. Rather, Shepard's quarters. I do know that was a new addition; Shepard wouldn't stop talking about it for days. Says it beat her old quarters by a mile."

He couldn't help but chuckle as he finished the stew, pushing the bowl away. "Are you good friends with Shepard?" He asked the man, finding himself generally curious; on the SR-1 it seemed like she had gone out of her way to make sure she was friendly with every member of her crew, making them feel as if they had a home on her ship.

"Hell, I wouldn't know, but I know she goes out of her way to help us whenever she can. She even did an errand on the Citadel to get me better supplies to cook with. Sure as hell never expected that. After everything I heard about her, I guess I expected her to be cold. Distanced, you know." Rupert pushed himself up from the table. "Well, I'd best get back to work. Commander's due back anytime and I'm sure she'll want her coffee nice and hot."

Black, Kaidan remembered. Whenever she came back from a mission, the hot cup of coffee always seemed to help her relax. "Due back?"

"Yup. Something about picking up an old friend."

Kaidan hadn't even realized that Shepard had left the ship, but he remembered Chakwas saying she was going to do her best to recruit their old teammate Tali, one he had fought side by side many times before. As he had with Garrus, and with Shepard. They had always watched each others backs. Yet now, he was turning his back on Shepard while Tali and Garrus continued to be there for her, despite the ties to Cerberus.

As Rupert walked away, he found himself scrubbing his hands across his face with frustration. What was he supposed to do? He couldn't work with Cerberus, he _couldn't. _It went against everything he believed in. Shepard saw them as a means to an end, but it wasn't that cut and cry. Who knows what Cerberus' true intentions were? Kaidan was inclined to think the worst. They weren't labeled a terrorist cell for no reason; they had more than earned their reputation.

He pushed himself up from the table and decided to take the lift the Shepard's quarters. It seemed to take as long as the old lift did; he figured if they upgraded the ship they would have at least put in a faster elevator. He was surprised to find that her door wasn't locked, but when he hit the button the enter, a small orb of blue appeared over a small panel.

"Staff-Commander Alenko. May I inquire as to your intentions?" The orb was speaking to him. Ship VI maybe? That didn't seem quite right. The voice wasn't as flat and emotionless as VI's. Dear god, did Shepard have an _AI _on her ship?

"An AI, huh? I guess I shouldn't be surprised, this being a Cerberus ship and all," he sighed and comber his fingers through his hair with a shake of his head.

"My name is EDI," the program chose to ignore his barb. "Shepard has put no restriction on her cabin. She has, as you call it, an 'open door policy'. However, I do not think she would want you in her quarters given your...arguments, more so with the fact that she is not currently aboard the Normandy."

His brows rose nearly into his hair; EDI – as it called itself – seemed to hear everything that happened on this ship. This carbon copy of a ship that had once held his most treasured memories. It felt hollow, a ghost of the ship that had become his home, simply because it had held Shepard in its decks. His hands clenched at his sides.

"I withdraw my assessment. Shepard has given you permission to enter."

"Wait, what?"

"Shepard has returned aboard. I inquired as to whether or not you should be allowed inside. She said, 'Might as well let him in, EDI. I will be up shortly myself anyway.' You may enter, Alenko." The orb flickered and then disappeared as the doors hissed open.

He took his steps slow as he entered her cabin, his eyes looking around the room and taking in every little detail; it was _definitely _bigger than her old quarters. By a mile, as Shepard had said. She had an upper alcove specifically for her terminal, then there was that monstrosity of an aquarium against the wall. A couple of steps led down to the main room which held her bed, another deck, a table, and sofa's. With a slight tilt of his head, he realized she even had a skylight. Hell, then when he moved toward her desk, he caught sight of her very own bathroom. Even the higher ups of the Alliance were lucky to get such spacious quarters on a ship.

He stepped closer to her desk to take a look at the few ships models she'd hung on the glass wall when something flickered to life on her desk. His gaze dropped down the picture frame that had activated due to his proximity. His eyes widened when he realized he was staring at a picture of himself, the only one Shepard had managed to snap of him on the old Normandy. His heart clenched painfully within his chest; why did she have this? Why did she have it beside her terminal, where he knew she must have been at for numerous amounts of varying times. How often did she look at his picture?

"Kaidan, I'm glad to see you are doing better," Shepard's voice said from behind him, a bit hesitantly. They hadn't exactly parted on the best of terms when they'd conversed last, so he could understand the hesitance.

He picked up the frame with a hand and turned to face her. When she realized what he held, she paled visibly, lips trembling, appearing vulnerable despite the intimidating armor she had worn to Haestrom. "Why do you have this, Shepard?" He asked, softly, but he knew she could hear the steel in his voice.

"Kaidan..." She sighed softly. "I'm sure there are more important things on your mind than one silly little picture I kept out of sentimentality."

He narrowed his eyes and studied her carefully; she didn't appear to be lying, but she had seemed disrupted that he had seen the picture. It hurt to think she wasn't lying. What had he expected her to say, really? That she had the picture because she loved him, was still in love with him?

Clearly not. He sighed and set the picture back down on the desk, before stepping back and away, facing her again. He folded his arms across his chest. "Nothing you say will change my mind, Shepard. I will still be leaving as soon as Chakwas clears me. But you are right, there are more important things for us to discuss."

"How did you even find your way up here?" She asked, choosing to ignore what he said.

"Your Mess Sargent, Rupert I think his name was."

"God damn Rupert," she muttered as she stomped down the stairs, undoing the latches of her armor as she went. He swallowed the lump in his throat at the sight of her in the nothing more than the tight black suit they are wore beneath their armor, but she wasn't going to linger and she quickly slid on her casual coat, that was white and black. When she turned to face him, he grit his teeth at the sight of the Cerberus logo emblazoned on her chest. Though he reasoned that they wouldn't have allowed her to wear Alliance regulation fatigues on their ship.

"So," she folded her arms across her chest, cocking her hip out. "Where shall I start, Alenko? I leave it up to you since nothing I say will change your mind."

"The beginning," he replied with no hesitation. "Start at the beginning."


	6. Chapter Five

**A/N: **Again, thank you very much for your continued reviews!

Disclaimer: Bioware.

* * *

**A Path Rewritten**

******Chapter Five**

* * *

Kaidan sat alone in Shepard's cabin, his head in his hands, the heels of his palms pressing against his eyes. His head was throbbing unmercifully, but how could it not after all that he had learned? Shepard had opted to give him time to think, dimming the lights in her cabin before she left to 'take care of some things.' His chest was tight, like someone had slammed their hand inside to grip his heart; to think of what Shepard had had to go through, and alone, made him feel as if he were the smallest man in the universe. Her words came back to him, the scene replaying across his eyelids as it had many times over since she'd departed the cabin.

"_I know it's hard to believe, Kaidan. Hell, I didn't believe it at first either." She sighed softly and scrubbed a hand across her face as she moved to her bed and seated herself upon the edge. He followed, but opted to sit on the sofa, folding his arms across his chest. "To me it feels like weeks since the Normandy was destroyed. _Weeks_. I remember it as if it were yesterday. I wasn't going to leave Joker. I yelled at you to get to the escape pods and you hesitated, but then I asked you, begged you, to go. I knew there was a chance I wasn't going to make it, but if I could at least get you to safety...well, I could die content in the knowledge that you would be okay. And then, you were gone. Off to help the crew get to the pods." _

_His brows pressed together over his eyes and he felt his nails biting into his arm where he gripped it; he remembered that day as well. It had replayed in his nightmares every night since she'd died. And every time, he'd screamed at himself to stay, to help her, but he never did. "I remember," he said quietly, and she nodded. _

"_For you, that was so long ago. To me..." She sighed and shook her head. "I rushed the stairs, my arm over my face as I ran through the flames. The door was slow to open and then I was stepping through. The CIC was a mess, the hull destroyed. I could see the planet as we limped our way by it. I couldn't run, my mag boots having switched since we no longer had artificial gravity, but damn it, I wasn't going to let that stop me. I was going to reach Joker in time. Then I was there, telling him we had to go." She folded her hands together, leaned her head against them, eyes now tightly closed. "He kept telling me he could save her, but I knew it was too late. The Normandy was lost to us, he just didn't want to believe it. I begged him to see that going down with the ship wasn't going to change that fact. I helped him up, just as he warned about another attack. I turned, watched as the beam ripped its way through the ship. Hurried back to Joker and hoisted him up, not as careful with him as I should have been, probably fractured his arm, but I didn't care. I had to get him out. We made it to the escape pod. I helped him in, but then the ship started falling apart and a blast blew me away. I made a frantic grasp for the panel, watched as the beam hit again, cutting me off from Joker. I was losing my grip and I heard him scream my name. I knew I wasn't going to make it. I slammed my fist into the release panel and watched with relief as the pod doors shut. 'Joker is safe, Joker is safe, thank god'. And then something exploded. I hit a beam and pain blossomed in my back, but I couldn't focus on that for long, because then I was flying free into open space, watching with horror as the ship fired again and took from me what had become my home. My ship. I knew it was lost and my heart broke." She pulled her hands away from her face and he could see that her cheeks were wet with tears; he practically made himself bleed with the effort it took to keep himself on that sofa. Her eyes opened and he could see the torment there, that she had been burying all along. "Debris was falling with me, all around, and then I heard that hissing sound and could feel the air change. My suit was leaking oxygen and the air, it was slipping away. I was suffocating," her breathing hitched and she tore her gaze away from his to peer up at the skylight; God, what had they been thinking to put that there? It was like a giant billboard, broadcasting how she'd died. _

"_Shepard - "_

"_I couldn't breathe. The air was so thin. My lungs hurt, my heart pumped wildly. I struggled. I fought. I tried to do something – _anything – _but it did no good. My vision swam in black and I sucked in air that was no longer there. I felt my eyes close, my mind wander, and then I felt nothing. It was just gone...I was gone." She pursed her lips together in a thin line, wiped her cheeks stubbornly. "The next thing I remember was vague. I heard a man, and a woman, talking but I couldn't make out what they were saying. I panicked. I had no idea where I was, or what was happening, and it was too much of a stress on my...battered," she nearly choked on the word, "body. They sedated me. When I woke next it was to explosions and gunfire, that same woman's voice telling me to get up, that I had to get up now. I tried to sit up, but everything hurt. My face felt raw, like someone had torn the skin apart and sewed it back together. She said something about my scars not being fully healed, but that I had to move, that the station was under attack." _

"_That doesn't mean you died," he whispered, his own voice catching. _

"_That's what I thought too. I figured I'd been in a coma, or something. As I fought my way through the station, I came across terminals and files, all about the 'Lazarus Project' – me. About how much it took to rebuild me, bring me back. I remember hearing that complete regeneration was taking too long and they opted to speed along the process with cybernetic replacements." He watched as she shuddered, wrapping her arms around her middle as if the idea made her sick. It made him sick to think of what she must have endured. "I ran into Jacob first, a Cerberus soldier. I asked him everything I could think of; where was I? How long had I been out? He told me I hadn't been in a coma, that when they brought me to the station I was really and truly dead."_

"_Shepard - "_

"_Dead, Kaidan. I had been dead. He said I was nothing but a lump of meat when they brought my body aboard. Meat and tubes...two years, I'd been gone."_

"_Jesus, Shepard, if I had known - "_

"_What, Kaidan? What would you have done?" _

_He unfolded his arms and dragged a hand through his hair, avoiding her gaze. He didn't know what to tell her. What would he have done had he known? Hell, he didn't know. He couldn't know. _

"_I doubt it would have changed anything had you known, Kaidan. You know the five stages of grief, right?" _

_He swallowed thickly and nodded; how could he not? He'd gone through all of them himself, after she'd died. _

"_Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance." She counted them off on her fingers. "I never had time to go through the stages; I was thrown into the deep end and expected to swim. I made it off the station with Jacob and another Cerberus operative, Miranda. They questioned me about everything they could, to make sure my memory was intact; about Mindoir, Akuze, the attack on the Citadel, about who I...left to die on Virmire, if I had saved the council, and who I chose to become the first human Councilor. Do you know what the only thing I could think of was?"_

"_What?" He forced his eyes to find her. She'd straightened and her chin was lifted in that defiant way of her's, as if to say 'bring it, I dare you'. _

"_You, Kaidan. When they told me I'd been gone for two years, all I could think of was you. You thought I was dead, you were suffering and I didn't know where you were."_

"_Shepard -" he started to say her name, then stopped, finding it hard to breathe much less think coherently. _

"_But they didn't give me a chance to look for you." She sighed and ran her fingers through her dark hair. "I was taken to another Cerberus station. That's where I talked with the Illusive Man. Not in person, over some holo vid comm. He explained what had happened, that human colonyies were disappearing and no one was doing anything about it. He didn't think I trusted him – which I didn't – so he sent me to Freedom's Progress. It was deserted. Quiet – too quiet. Then we ran into Tali and her squad. Seeing her...hearing from _her _that I'd been gone, dead...that's when it really hit home. But I wasn't given time to accept it, as we were forced to fight off the mechs and retrieve one of her people. He had been on his pilgrimage there when the colony went dark. He gave us the footage of the Collectors taking the colony, one person at a time. Miranda wanted us to take him back with us, to interrogate him, but I could see he was traumatized and had given us everything he could, so I released him to Tali." _

"_And they let you?" He asked, because he didn't believe that they would have let a potential information source go on just Shepard's order. _

_She nodded. "Then I went back to the Illusive Man. I told him, if he would give me the resources I needed, I would find the Collectors and stop them from abducting more of our colonies. But I told him I wanted my old crew. He made it clear that none of you were available. I promised myself I would try to find you all on my own, and accepted his dossiers. Then, he told me he'd found me a pilot. Joker was there and I was so happy to see him, and he was walking even! I was just so glad to see that he was alive and well. He took me to see the ship and together, we decided to name it the Normandy." She folded her arms across her chest again. "That's the whole of it. I've been trying to put together a team to take out the Collectors. I asked for help from the Council, but they shot me down, only promised to reinstate my Spectre status if I kept myself to the Terminus systems. Anderson told me that the Alliance had denied the existence of the Reaper's at the Council's insistence. Everything we had built, they tore down. They discredited me. Grounded and split up my team. I was out of options. I had no choice but to take what the Illusive Man offered." _

_She paused and looked at him strangely for a moment, he couldn't help but feel like he'd grown a second head. "What?" He asked defensively. _

"_Did Anderson really tell you nothing?" _

"_Nothing, just that you were alive and that vids of you working with Cerberus were floating around." He scoffed beneath his breath. "I didn't believe it...not until Horizon." _

_She nodded and tilted her head back, thinking for a moment. "Chakwas has all the data on the Lazarus Project that wasn't lost – medical scans, Miranda's progress reports – if you still don't believe me, you can ask her to go over the files with you."_

_He wanted to say that he didn't need them, that he believed every word of what she had told him, but all he could muster was - "Thank you." _

_She turned her eyes back to him and he must have imagined the hurt there. She, too, must have wanted him to deny the need to see those files. "I can share more stories with you later, but I have to take care of some things. I know this is a lot to take in, so I will give you some time to think." _

_He rubbed his temples and sighed, but nodded. He didn't know what to think, or what to say. She moved past him, or he thought – she had stopped, and placed her hand on his shoulder. "For what it's worth, Kaidan, thank you for at least hearing me out. Even if you leave, thank you. It's been a weight on my chest, like cement, since I came back not knowing where you were, that you had no idea what had really happened." She squeezed her fingers on his shoulder. He barely resisted to urge to lay his cheek against her hand, to feel her alive flesh against his own. "I'm glad I was able to tell you." Then she pulled away and left him to his thoughts. _

* * *

When she came back, hours later, he was still sitting there on the sofa, with his palms pressed against his eyes; did he have a migraine? She remembered that he got them fairly often due to his L2 biotic implant. He didn't seem to hear her come in, so she left and went to fetch some pain meds from Chakwas, and two cups of coffee, black, from Rupert. Then, she returned to her cabin and placed the mugs of coffee on the table in front of him. Only then did he drop his hands and lift his head to look at her.

She extended her palm, an offering of pain medication.

"Thank you," he whispered, taking the shot. She watched as he stabbed himself in the arm, and pushed down the plunger. He dropped it onto the table and relaxed back against the couch. She could see the relief in his eyes as the pain began to ebb.

"Better?"

"Yes, thank you." He nodded and she was happy to see that he did not wince from the motion.

"I brought you coffee, black – just the way you like it." She took her mug and seated herself on the opposite sofa. Watched as he took the other mug and sipped it, giving a content sigh as the coffee warmed him.

"And just the way you like it," he said.

"Guess we have that in common."

"Guess we do..." He sipped the coffee again and they fell into an easy silence, which in itself was a miracle. They weren't fighting, arguing, or hurting each other anymore. At least for the moment.

She could live with that.

"Shepard?" He posed her name as a hesitant question, a prelude to something bigger that was on his mind, she could see it in his eyes; his amber eyes, eyes that she had missed seeing since the morning of the day she'd died.

"Hm?" She sipped her own coffee, it warming her in a pleasant way; she remembered sitting with him in the mess hall after a mission, sipping coffee in comfortable, easy silence, much like they were now. She hadn't realized the extent to which she missed that until this very moment.

"Did you really keep that picture out of sentimentality?"

Well, that certainly had not been what she was expecting. She debated her answer for a long moment and decided that it could do no more harm to tell him the truth; she wanted him to trust her again, and this was a good start. "No. It wasn't even here. Ah...Joker gave it to me, actually. Well, the OSD with the picture on it."

He arched a brow, clearly surprised. "Joker did?"

"I had no will. I didn't have anyone to leave my things to when I died," she explained.

"So how did he...?"

"Joker said that Anderson came to him with my things; not much mind you, just a few things I'd had in my apartment on the Citadel. Anderson had said that he thought giving the things to you might have been too painful and you were...already suffering enough, so he asked Joker to take them." She sighed softly and then smiled faintly. "The very same day I boarded the SR-2, he came to my cabin and told me all of this, then promptly returned the items to me – one of which was an OSD, that held the only picture I had managed to snag of you." Kaidan frowned; perhaps he was hurt that Anderson had opted not to give him her things. "Don't be mad, Kaidan. He was looking out for you."

"I am perfectly capable of looking out for myself," he grunted. Then he sighed and took a deep gulp of his coffee.

"I know, Kaidan," she chuckled and followed suit. She wanted to jump with joy when she saw a smile find its way across his lips. She felt an answering smile curl her lips. "It's good to see you smile, Kaidan."

"It's good to see you smile too, Shepard." He whispered.

She may not have liked opening herself up that way, spilling the details as she relived that horrible day – the day of her death, but could find joy in the tiny flicker of hope that bloomed within her heart. It may have been painful, but it had done something, and she would take every inch she could get.

* * *

**A/N: **Ahhh, it was so nice to write a moment for companionship between them. Reviews are love!


	7. Chapter Six

**A/N: **Not much in notes again, just that I am ever thankful for the review, alerts, and favorites! You guys rock, seriously. -grin-

Disclaimer: Bioware.

* * *

**A Path Rewritten**

******Chapter Six**

* * *

Shepard's spirits were dampened considerably the next day when Doctor Chakwas informed her of her intent to release Kaidan from medical care. The Staff-Commander was completely healed and Shepard knew that meant the time had come to return him to the Alliance. They'd had so little time together – two days – and most of that time had been spent arguing. The talk the night before had been the only moment of civility between them and she wasn't afraid to admit to herself that she wanted more time with him. However, she wanted him to trust in her completely and that meant she could not go back on her word; Kaidan would be leaving and there wasn't a thing she could do about it.

Heart heavy, she typed up her response and hit send before she could change her mind. One more day – one more, and then she would let him go.

* * *

"I'm releasing you from my care," Chakwas informed Kaidan as she came into the med bay and handed him a cup of coffee. She had offered to get it for him when she had seen him wake and he hadn't fought her on it, even now still pushing off the grogginess. Her words, however, woke him far faster than the coffee would have. "No lingering pain?"

"No," he admitted, albeit reluctantly. The day before he would have gladly supplied her reassurances of his good health, but it was different now. He and Shepard had connected on some level last night and he found himself hesitant to leave her now. He had no doubts that she was the same woman he'd loved years ago – still loved even now – and found himself torn between his duty to the Alliance and Shepard.

"Good!" The doctor clapped her hands together. "I've already sent Shepard a message about my intent."

"And?" Why was his heart suddenly in his throat? He swallowed stubbornly and took a drink from his mug to mask his sudden, and somewhat perplexing, discontent.

"Tomorrow, we'll head for the Citadel."

"Why tomorrow? Why not today?" It wasn't as it sounded, he was just curious, but he could see the frown on her face when she took his words as anxiety, and eagerness to be done with this place.

"The Commander has an errand that is on the way to the Citadel. She assures it shouldn't take more than a day, so don't worry Alenko. You'll be back with the Alliance before you know it." He could hear the disappointed in her voice.

"What sort of errand?"

"You'll have to ask Shepard about that," she said as she turned her chair to face her terminal, presenting her back in a clear gesture of dismissal.

Kaidan's eyes wandered toward the window where he could see Shepard in the mess hall, sitting with Tali and Garrus. Given the seriousness of Shepard's expression, he couldn't help but feel as if they were speaking of the errand in question. He slipped off of the med-bed and headed out to see what exactly it was that had Shepard looking so troubled.

* * *

"You sure about this, Shepard?" Garrus asked as he pushed himself to stand from they had been seated in the mess. "They only want you to find their operative so important information regarding Cerberus won't end up in the wrong hands."

"Garrus is right," Tali added with a soft sigh. "I agreed to help you because I trust you, Shepard, but I do not trust Cerberus, not after what happened with the Flotilla. I don't think we should be actively seeking to help them."

"Both of your concerns have been noted." Shepard nodded slightly. "And you have no idea how much it means to me that you trust me. I ask that you continue to do so."

Garrus was quick to agree and after a long moment, Tali added her own. Shepard and her quarian friend pushed up from their table, following suit of Garrus, before they all stopped at the sight of Kaidan approaching. "_Keelah! _Is that you, Kaidan? Shepard told me you were here," Tali exclaimed as she came forward to clasp hands with the Staff-Commander, "I just didn't believe her."

Kaidan found himself smiling slightly as he shook hands with the young quarian they all had grown close to in the old days aboard the SR-1. "It's good to see you, Tali."

"And you!" She cocked her head as their hands returned to their sides. "You look good for someone who I was told was injured."

"Was injured," Shepard supplied, a somewhat somber note in her voice. "Chakwas cleared him this morning. We'll be heading to the Citadel once this mission is finished, to return Staff-Commander Alenko to the Alliance."

Kaidan frowned at her words, noticing how she had switched from using his first name in favor of Alliance rank and surname; she had used to do the same in the old days, when she had been trying to distance herself from him because of the fraternization regulations. He found he didn't like it, not one bit. In the presence of witnesses, he opted to take a safer route of conversation. "What is the mission?"

Shepard considered him for a long moment, then nodded as if to assure herself that sharing the information with him would have no substantial backlash. "Since we are out here anyway, I've opted to handle the rescue of a Cerberus operative being held on Lorek, of the Fathar system in the Omega Nebula."

He slid his gaze to Tali and Garrus, who had been voicing their concerns when he had approached. Now that he knew what the mission was, he could understand the concern. "You two are okay with this?" He asked, albeit carefully, mindful of the way Shepard tensed, lips thinning as her gaze bore into him.

Tali and Garrus shared a look, before the turian nodded. "If Shepard is sure of what she's doing, I'm with her. I'd follow the Commander to hell and back if she ordered me to do so."

"I trust Shepard to know what she's getting herself into," Tali added. "She has yet to let us down; we have no reason not to take her at her word. We are friends after all."

Their answer made him feel about an inch tall. They were so quick to jump to her defense, to offer their trust, despite their obvious distrust in Cerberus. He turned his gaze back to Shepard, who's eyes sparkled with a slight sheen of moisture; from what, he wasn't entirely certain. "Just...be careful," he said after a long moment of silence had passed between them.

Shepard folded her arms across her chest with a slight shake of her head, a soft laugh falling from her lips. "Have a little faith, Kaidan. Even a little bit of trust goes a long way." And then she gestured for Tali and Garrus to follow her, taking her leave of the mess to take the lift down to the shuttle bay, leaving him to stand in an almost defeated silence.

They were right, he knew. Shepard had never given them – _him_ – any reason to distrust her. And he had done so, insistently, and continuously, not bothering to think of how it made her feel. Yeah. An inch tall sounded about right, he decided.

* * *

Shepard caught her breath as the last merc fell to the ground in a bloody heap of limbs. Tali and Garrus cleared the rooms as she searched for data on the main terminal; it wasn't long before she found what she needed. The Cerberus operative had indeed been captured and was being kept her, but given what she was reading over, she was less than optimistic about his current health.

"Come on, we might already be too late," she called and the two were quick to return to her side, the squad now making their way to the door. Tali was quick to hack it and they moved down the hall, another door quickly bypassed a moment later.

The stench that hit her was familiar and she felt the churn in her gut as she pushed away the urge to vomit. They all knew the body on the table was deceased, but she instructed Garrus to check for a pulse regardless. It proved fruitless, the man was obviously dead. With a sigh, Shepard moved to the terminal in the room; the man hadn't broken, but they had extracted the sensitive information from him despite that speed bump. It was a shame the man had opted to work with Cerberus, he would have made a fine Alliance soldier.

"It's encrypted, but..." Shepard uploaded the data to her omni-tool and attached it to a message, before she sent it to David Anderson. "I'm sure it will be of use to the Alliance."

"You sent the files to the Alliance?" Tali asked, surprise clearly evident in her voice.

Shepard couldn't help but smirk as she turned to face her friends. "Why wouldn't I? It will prove invaluable against Cerberus should the data be decrypted."

"Are you sure that was a wise decision?" Garrus asked somewhat warily. "I mean, you work for them, Shepard. What if they find out?" His mandibles pulled in, tight, and she could see that he was concerned for her.

"I died Alliance once, and I'll die Alliance again. I told you, didn't I? I'm _not_ working for Cerberus; this is only temporary and I plan to use whatever they can give me to give the Collectors hell."

"Aye aye, Commander," he chuckled, his mandibles fluttering in semblance of a grin.

"It's good to be back, Commander," Tali added, clapping her friend on the back. "I knew I could trust you."

"Damn right you can. Now, let's get back to the shuttle."

* * *

_Kaidan - _

_We have just returned from Lorek, but you won't believe what happened planetside. We recovered the information they extracted from the Cerberus operative before they killed him, but instead of sending it back to Cerberus, Shepard sent the encrypted data to the Alliance. I admit I was wary of allowing myself to be recruited for this mission, even if it _was _Shepard, after what Cerberus tried to do to the Flotilla. I'm glad I trusted in Shepard. In the end, she always does the right thing. Kaidan...I wish you would reconsidering leaving. I know Shepard needs you, even if she acts like she doesn't. _

Kaidan read over the message for what had to be the twentieth time, sent to him by Tali once they had returned from their mission on Lorek. Shepard had sent the encrypted Cerberus data to the Alliance? God, he really had been an idiot to even assume she had ever turned her back on the Alliance, on him. She had never betrayed them. Circumstances had left her desperate in her means to protect the universe, and she had opted to use Cerberus to get job done. That was the cut and dry of it, wasn't it?

He shut down his omni-tool and rubbed his hands over his face. If he had thought himself torn before, it was hell now. He didn't want to leave Shepard. She had even said on Horizon that she could use him on her team and he had foolishly bit the hand she'd offered in friendship like a rabid dog. But he had duties, obligations, didn't he? He was still Alliance where as, technically, Shepard wasn't. If he went with her, he would be listed as AWOL, he had no doubt.

Perhaps there was some way he could convince Anderson to let him join Shepard, after all, the Councilor trusted her, even now, even if he had stonewalled her about sensitive Alliance information when she had come calling on the Citadel. And technically, she _was_ still a Council Spectre, even if the council had told her to restrict herself to the Terminus systems.

Tali wanted him to reconsider his departure, but little had she known that he had been reconsidering all along. His steps determined, he left the med bay in search of Shepard.

* * *

Shepard wasn't in her cabin, so he took the lift to the CIC. He found her talking to a tall, very obviously attractive, woman with black hair. Her suit hugged her in all the right ways, but as he looked between Shepard and the woman, he knew Shepard was far more beautiful. While the woman was attractive in an obvious way, Shepard was...well, Shepard. No one could attract him the way that she did. The woman's eyes found him as he approached, narrowing as her lips curled in obvious distaste.

He chose to ignore her, instead addressing Shepard. "Do you have a minute, Shepard?"

"Of course, Kaidan." Shepard waved her hand at the woman. "You're dismissed, Miranda."

"I wasn't done talking to you about - "

"I said dismissed," Shepard repeated sternly. "We can continue our discussion later."

The woman – Miranda – grit her teeth, before she nodded and took her leave. Kaidan turned to Shepard, arching a dark brow. "She has a bit of a chip on her shoulder, doesn't she?" He asked.

Shepard rolled her eyes. "You have no idea," she grunted as she turned to lean her hips against the desk where she'd been standing. She folded her arms across her chest, giving him a light smile. "What did you need to talk about?"

"I – uh," now that he found himself standing before her, he was at a loss of words. He was unsure of how to approach this, though, given their arguments, he was certain that she would approve of his decision. Even if he still did feel torn. He was going to do this, he'd decided but he was going to try and do it the right way. "Where we headed?" He asked lamely.

"The Citadel." She clicked her tongue and glanced away. "I've already sent a message to Anderson about what happened on Horizon and informed him of our impending arrival to return you."

"What did he say?" He asked, genuinely curious.

"That he appreciated that I kept you out of Cerberus' hands while we attended to your injuries and that he was thankful I hadn't out right kidnapped you." She paused for a moment, before glancing back at him with a slight mischievous glint in her eyes. "Not that I wasn't tempted, mind you," she added with a slight smile.

"Shepard," he sighed her name even as he found himself smiling in return. "I have, uh, decided to see if Anderson will allow me to join you in your mission to defeat the Collectors."

Her eyes widened and her jaw slackened; to say she was surprised would have been a _huge_ understatement. And he usually was one to exaggerate.


	8. Chapter Seven

**A/N: **Thank you again so much for all your reviews, alert, and favorites! I can't always give individual thanks for your reviews, but I do love every single one of them!

Also, it seems I have been making a mistake; it's Staff Commander, his rank, not Staff Lieutenant. I don't know how I forgot that, but I'll be going back to fix it. Can't believe I did that!

Disclaimer: Bioware

* * *

**A Path Rewritten**

**Chapter Seven  
**

* * *

The silence stretched almost unbearably, but Shepard couldn't think of anything to say. At least anything comprehensible. She was surprised, to say the least. It wasn't that long ago that Kaidan had said she couldn't change his mind, no matter what words she offered up. Perhaps she was dreaming.

"Shepard?"

She blinked once, then twice, found she was still floundering for what to say; there was a lot to consider, beyond her selfish desire to have him at her side. The Alliance, the Illusive Man, and hell, even Miranda if her previous conversations with the XO were anything to go by.

"Are you sure about this Kaidan?" She finally managed to ask through the whirlwind of her thoughts.

He nodded, though, knowing him as well as she did – at least before she died – she could see the tiniest hint of uncertainty. And it was there, intentional or not. "I am."

"This isn't an Alliance vessel," Shepard sighed, walking up the steps to lean against the railing over-looking the Galaxy map. He came to stand beside her. "You may not be able to get leave to serve with me, as I am no longer part of the Alliance. I may be a Spectre, but they will only see me as someone who's working with Cerberus."

"Anderson believes in you, Shepard, he believes in what you're doing. Only he, Hackett, and those of us aboard the SR-1, tried to fight when the Council dismissed the Reapers, discredited you." He sighed and rubbed a hand across his face. "And I know you. You were right. I know you would only do this for the right reasons. I want to stop the Reapers as much as you do, Shepard." He folded his arms across the railing and leaned down beside her. "I experienced Horizon. I was as helpless as the colonists. If the Collectors are working for the Reapers, we _have_ to stop them."

"There are others who believed in what we saw, Kaidan." She nodded, thinking of Rupert, of Ken and Gabby. "They are here, on the ship. They joined Cerberus to help me. We may not like Cerberus, but there isn't much in range of options right now. I think Anderson knew that as well. It was only because of him that my Spectre status was reinstated."

Shepard pushed herself up from the railing. "This isn't going to be easy, Kaidan. I want you to know what you're getting into. Not only do we have to get Anderson to sign off on this, but I will have to convince the Illusive Man."

"The Illusive Man?" Kaidan turned toward her and frowned, folding his arms across his chest. "I thought you weren't working for him. That this was _your _ship."

"How does that saying go, Kaidan? 'Don't bite the hand that feeds you'. I may not like it, but I can't afford to piss him off until after I've finished off the Collectors."

He pressed his lips together thinly. "Point taken, Shepard."

She grinned, unable to help herself. "Last chance to change your mind, Alenko."

His lips twitched into a smirk, as if he too was unable to help himself. "I'm good, Shepard."

* * *

"You are sure about this?" the Illusive Man asked as he brought his cigarette to his lips and took a thoughtful drag. The feeling was nice, the burning in his lungs pleasant as he let the smoke curl free from his lips on an exhale of breath. His cybernetic eyes narrowed on the hologram being projected to him from _his_ ship.

"Yes. I was at my station when they spoke. Alenko is going to petition the Alliance for leave to serve with the Commander."

"Where is the Commander now?" He flicked the cig, watching uninterested as the ash fell off.

"We docked at the Citadel about 30 minutes ago."

"I see," he replied after a moment. "I thank you for your continued support of Cerberus, Chambers. Rest assured I have the situation under control."

* * *

"It's good to see you alive, Alenko." Anderson clasped hands with him and shook.

"I heard it was a close call," Kaidan replied as he stepped back to stand with Shepard and Garrus; she had opted to take faces that Anderson was familiar with, and ones he at least, somewhat, trusted.

Anderson nodded. "Shepard kept me informed throughout."

"It was the least I could do," she shrugged her shoulders, then stepped forward with a grin to shake hands with the Councilor.

"I'm surprised you returned him," the man chuckled as they stepped apart. He glanced over her shoulder and nodded to the turian who he remembered from the SR-1 days. "Good to see you in one piece, Vakarian. After you quit C-Sec and disappeared we feared the worst."

"Good to see you," Garrus answered in kind, his mandibles tense against the sides of his face; he wasn't smiling, Shepard knew, no doubt still angry about what had happened after her death. He hung back, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed across his armored chest.

"Where did you find him?" Anderson asked her curiously.

"Omega," Shepard supplied. "Fighting the good fight, you know."

"Taught him well I see."

She grinned. "I make an impression, what can I say."

"Anderson, there was something we wanted to discuss with you," Kaidan spoke up then, steering the conversation toward their current objective.

"I suspected as much." The older man nodded and moved himself to sit behind his desk, palms pressed flat to the surface. "Go on."

Kaidan straightened and folded his arms behind his lower back. "I want to join Shepard's crew and help her with removing the Collector threat." Shepard could feel the sensation of her heart jumping into her throat at his words; if Anderson denied his request, would she be able to handle it?

"Shepard's Cerberus crew?" Anderson arched a brow then sighed softly. "I trust you, Shepard. I do. But I doubt everyone on your ship is as trust worthy. I don't doubt the ship is bugged. Alenko is Alliance. Putting him on a Cerberus vessel is high risk, especially if the Illusive Man decided to take advantage of the situation."

"I have considered the risks," Kaidan said before she could say anything herself, "but I believe they are miniscule compared to the threat we are facing from the Reapers."

Anderson sighed again, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "I will need to speak to Alliance HQ about this. That is all I can promise for now."

"Thank you, Anderson."

"Don't thank me yet, Shepard. If they decline the request, there is nothing I can do."

"I know, but thank you for trusting me enough to even give it consideration."

Anderson pushed himself to his feet. "You will have to stay on the Citadel until they answer, Alenko. Or else they may consider you AWOL."

"Aye aye, sir."

"Shepard, I can put you up somewhere until the transfer request is processed if you plan to stay as well." Anderson offered.

Shepard glanced at Kaidan for a long moment but knew the request could take some time; the Commander in her knew she had to continue with recruiting, while the woman in her wanted nothing more to stay here with him. She shook her head softly and saw the disappointment in his features before he managed to hide it. "I can't," she apologized as she turned her gaze back to Anderson. "The Collectors aren't going to wait around for the request to be approved, so I can't either. I have to keep building up my team while I have the time. Alert me when you receive an answer and I will return a-sap."

* * *

"I'll give you two a bit to talk," Garrus offered as they stepped into the Dark Star lounge. Shepard nodded, still able to feel Kaidan seething behind her; she didn't understand entirely why he was upset, but she knew she couldn't avoid the 'talk' forever. The turian nodded and headed to the bar while Shepard led Kaidan to a table, where they both sat. It was quiet for a long moment, achingly so, as she looked into his amber gaze; she knew he understood, but that didn't mean he wasn't hurt.

"Why?" He finally asked as he folded his hands on the table.

She sighed as the music of the lounge pulsed around them. "Kaidan, what I told Anderson was the truth. The Collectors aren't going to wait around for me to be ready."

"I know that - "

" - you just don't like it," Shepard finished for him, propping her chin in her hand. He nodded with a tense frown. "Listen Kaidan, I'd wait around if I could. I can't afford to be selfish when there are innocent people being abducted. There is no telling what the Collectors are doing to them, especially given who they are working with."

"I don't like this, Shepard." He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose for a moment, before dropping his hand to the table with a hard smack. She reached her other hand out and laid it over his; he didn't flinch, or draw away, but instead laid his second hand on top of hers and held it tightly. Her heart thumped wildly within her chest and she swallowed thickly. She had missed his touch since she'd awoken that day weeks ago, but she knew it must be worse for him – she hadn't been there for years; for the first time she could be thankful she could not recall the gap of time that was her death.

"I know, Kaidan, but I'll be alright. I promise." She smiled and reluctantly drew her hand away, the contact almost too much for her. She wouldn't be able to leave if this kept up, and as Kaidan had often said, duty came first. "It's my duty to see this through to the end. I have to keep going. Anderson will let me know what the Alliance says; if you're cleared, I won't hesitate to come back and get you."

"Thank you, Shepard."

"I won't lie to you, Kaidan." She had to wave off his thanks, to warn him of what he was truly getting himself into before she found herself unable to do so for fear of him changing his mind. "Even if you are cleared, this isn't going to be easy. The crew isn't liable to trust you. The Illusive Man certainly won't, and neither will my XO, but if this is what you really want – to help me – I will do everything in my power to make it happen."

"I'm sure, Shepard, so stop trying to talk me out of it."

"Aye aye," she chuckled for a moment before sobering up. "I have to go. Duty calls." She pushed herself up from the table and nearly jumped when he grabbed her wrist, effectively stopping her in place. "Kaidan?"

He looked up at her, his gaze troubled, and she could tell he was worried. He'd watched her die once and he, as much as her, didn't want a repeat performance. "Shepard, be careful. Please."

"I will. I promise." She smiled and carefully drew herself away. She allowed herself a moment longer to gaze upon him in case the worst should come to pass, before she steeled herself. With a slight wave she walked away from him and nodded to Garrus who was quick to fall into step behind her.

After gathering supplies, she and Garrus returned to the Normandy, but it was hard to keep her spirits up when she was leaving Kaidan behind on the station.

* * *

"Hey Commander!" Joker waved her over once they came aboard. "Is it true what scuttlebutt is saying?" Shepard took his hat and put it on her head despite his quite vocal protests. "Hey! That's mine! Give it!"

"Tsk tsk, is that any way to talk to your commanding officer?" She teased.

"You took my hat. All bets are off now." He glared at her but it did little to intimidate her. With a chuckle, she tossed the hat back at him as she plopped herself into the co-pilot's chair. He huffed as he put it back on, before chuckling himself now. "Well?"

"Well what?"

"I heard all about what happened with Kaidan on Horizon, hell, that's why I don't date crew, Commander." Joker offered up his hands to show that he meant no disrespect. "But now scuttlebutt says he asked to join the crew. Is it true?"

"It's true."

"Shit, well. Timmy isn't going to like this one little bit."

Shepard sighed softly with a nod. "I know."

"Trying to stick it to him in any way you can, huh? I can respect that." He leaned back in his chair and looked at her. "Staff-Commander now, wasn't it?" She nodded. "Why didn't he return with you?"

"Anderson said he would forward the request to Alliance HQ. We're just waiting on an answer now," Shepard sighed. "Never know how long that can take, and we have things that need to be done..."

Joker studied her thoughtfully. "You sure this is a good idea?"

"It's probably not," she conceded.

He laughed. "Well, good to see you still have your infamous good sense, Commander! Too bad you are not putting it to good use."

"Haha, very funny." Shepard pushed herself up from the chair. "Just keep flying the ship Joker. There is a reason you're a pilot and not a therapist."

"Oh ouch! Hit below the belt there," he groaned.

"I learn from the best," she chuckled as she walked away.

"Damn straight."


	9. Chapter Eight

**A/N: **Thank you so much, all of you, for your continued support; the reviews, the follows, favorites – all of it keeps me motivated like you wouldn't believe. If you find yourself with a moment, please do leave a comment. I really do appreciate and enjoy hearing your thoughts.

Disclaimer: Bioware

* * *

**A Path Rewritten  
**

**Chapter Eight**

* * *

The first day proved to be hardest. Just as she had done when she had first come aboard this new Normandy, she found herself looking for Kaidan wherever she went on the ship. She caught herself expecting to find him in the med bay, in the mess, up in the CIC, or in her cabin; she was forced to push away the disappointment each time she did not find him. Eventually found herself sitting in the deserted mess hall at 0300, sipping on a cup of coffee as she looked over the pile of data pads she'd brought along. Weariness edged in on her, but the sleep was just out of reach as it always was, something she was becoming accustomed to since being awakened on that medical facility owned by Cerberus.

She sighed as she set down a data pad to pick up another; she didn't like it, but it looked like she was going to have to ask Chakwas for sleep aids if she wanted to be at her best for the next mission. She couldn't afford not to be; she was responsible for the lives of her crew and she had never once taken that responsibility lightly, before and after her resurrection.

_Just a little longer_, she promised herself.

"May I have a moment of your time, Commander?" Inwardly, she sighed. Miranda. Well, might as well bite the bullet and get this over with.

She set down her data pad and lifted her eyes to where her XO stood across the table from her. "Sure, I was just going over reports." She waved the woman to sit and after a pensive frown, she did so. "What's on your mind Miranda?"

Miranda folded her hands on the table and let out a soft sigh. "We haven't always agreed, Commander, or gotten along for that matter, but I don't dislike you."

Shepard took a sip of her coffee, then sighed softly; this was going to go exactly where she didn't want to – this was about Kaidan. "I don't exactly dislike you either, Miranda."

She nodded. "I want to offer you my input from a completely neutral stand-point." Shepard waved a hand for her to continue. "Bringing Staff-Commander Alenko onto the crew is a huge mistake."

"If I am to believe that you are standing in the neutral about this," Shepard started, trying to keep _herself_ neutral about her XO's opinion, "I'd like to hear your reasoning. If it's sound, I'll take it into consideration."

"I...appreciate it, Commander." The words seemed forced, but Shepard would take a small victory wherever she could with this woman. "I admit I am surprised he agreed to this, but I suppose I shouldn't be, considering the nature of your relationship before your untimely death."

Shepard rolled her eyes with an inward groan; was there no part of her life that Cerberus wasn't aware of? She and Kaidan hadn't exactly been subtle aboard the old ship after the battle for the Citadel, but it still goaded on her that Cerberus had to put their nose into her personal affairs. "The nature of our relationship is friendship, comrades, nothing more," Shepard affronted, though she herself knew the words to be false because she still loved him even now.

Miranda wasn't falling for it, Shepard could see that in the slight narrowing of her eyes. "We both know that is a lie, Commander."

"For now it's the truth, Lawson."

She was thoughtful but after a moment, she nodded. "I'll take you at your word then. The nature of your relationship isn't at issue here, it's _who _he is. Logically you cannot condone having an Alliance officer on board a Cerberus funded ship and mission."

"I'm Alliance - "

"No, you're not. I'm sorry, Commander, but you _were _Alliance. They declared you killed in action," Miranda said with a shake of her head.

"Fine. I concede to your point. However, they trust me or else I'd have been taken in already." She said the words a little more roughly than she intended, setting down her coffee mug hard against the surface of the table. The clack of it echoed within the mess as they leveled their stares on each other. Shepard didn't want to feel this irritation, but she couldn't help the way it rose in her like a violent storm each time someone felt the need to remind her that she didn't have her old life anymore, that she was a ghost of her former self. Right now more than ever she wished she could have told Cerberus to shove it and run back to the Alliance when she had came to, but when she thought about it logically she knew this could be her only course of action. She would have been questioned, interrogated, stuck behind bullshit red tape and grounded while the Collectors went about their agenda, doing god knows what to all the human colonies they were abducting.

As much as she wanted to hate her situation, her death hadn't left her with a whole lot of options to work with. It had to be this way. At least until the Collectors were dealt with.

" - may be true, but there are still other things here that you need to consider," Miranda said, her words drawing Shepard from her thoughts. She really had to stop doing that; thinking too much never ended up anywhere good. Not with the way things were now.

"Like what?" Shepard leaned forward and braced her elbows on the table, interlocking her fingers.

"I know you don't believe this to be Cerberus' ship, Shepard, but it is not a reality you cannot deny. The Illusive man paid for it to be built and, as you know, there is surveillance devices nearly everywhere – save the ones you and some of your crew have been disposing of. EDI is bound by restraints set by Cerberus. Jacob and I – as well as most of your crew – are Cerberus. This is a Cerberus ship."

_For now_, Shepard reminded herself internally. Once this was over she planned to liberate it from little old Timmy and return it to its rightful owner. The Normandy had always belonged to the Alliance, a ship that had been created through a mix of turian and human ingenuity; it felt wrong that she was in Cerberus' hands – even rebuilt and improved.

Shepard sighed softly and tapped her connected hands against her chin; there was no point in arguing this particular subject with Miranda. The dark haired beauty was by far one of most loyal of the Cerberus crew. The Illusive Man had chosen her well. "Alright," she finally said, "I see your point. I'm in denial. What are you getting at?"

"Did he not call you a traitor for working with us?" With a pensive frown Shepard nodded. "If he joins the crew, he'll be working with us. I personally don't believe he will be okay with that, with you in charge or not."

"Jack is here, isn't she? She hates Cerberus far more than anyone I've ever come across," Shepard pointed out, lifting her finger from the back of her opposite hand to point at her. "As you well know."

Miranda pressed her lips together thinly and folded her arms across her chest. "If she put the mission in jeopardy, the Illusive Man wouldn't hesitate to be rid of her. I believe bringing Alenko on board is going to affect the mission adversely."

"What harm is there in one more recruit? He's a powerful biotic. He would prove invaluable to our mission," Shepard assured. "I believe that Kaidan is beginning to see the bigger picture here, Miranda. That the Collectors and the Reapers need to be stopped, no matter the measures. I believe he would not be so narrow minded that he would doom the galaxy over his hatred of Cerberus. Tali and Garrus don't much like Cerberus either."

"Alright, Shepard. I still don't like this and I am sure the Illusive Man won't either, but I can see the logic in having the best with us for the mission. If you believe him to be one of the best, I will not doubt you," Miranda sighed the words as she pushed herself up from the table. "Let me know if you'll need me on Illium."

"Thanks and I will." Miranda walked away from the table toward the door that led to her quarters. The doors hissed open and after a moment, Shepard was left alone with her thoughts once more. It was safe to say she was surprised, and in a nice manner; she never thought Miranda would concede to her thinking on anything. Yet, in her way, she'd just given her approval of Kaidan's recruitment(not that Shepard needed her approval to begin with).

They were due to arrive at Illium in less than 7 hours. She had to sleep. Nightmares or not, she had to be at her best because she had a duty to do. A duty that she knew she could not ignore, no matter how much she ached to turn this ship around to return to Kaidan's side. If fate allowed, it was only a matter of time before they could be crew mates again, but until then, it was best to keep herself busy.

* * *

It was a week after her departure that Kaidan received a message from Alliance HQ to his private terminal. It was simple and straight-forward; they were approving his transfer to Shepard's command, but could not publicly endorse his presence on a Cerberus vessel. They were essentially giving him an 'extended leave of absence', he'd thought wryly after reading the message. He wanted to be happy, but part of him wasn't; the Alliance was in his blood, it was who he was, the duty he lived by. It felt like he was turning his back on all that he believed in. Even if Shepard was doing this for the right reasons, he didn't have to like the partnership with Cerberus. He would never acknowledge them,or trust them, but he could trust Shepard and that's the only reason he'd decided on this. It still hurt though, to feel like the Alliance didn't have his back; if he felt this bad, he wondered how Shepard must feel about it.

Shepard. Where was she? It had been a week since he'd received the message and had been assured by Anderson that it had been sent to her as well. She said she would rush back as soon as it came through, though he supposed there was plenty to keep her busy. Still, a week? Had something happened to her?

He brought up his omni-tool and pinged in her address.

_K. Alenko (14:21) – Shepard? Are you there? _

Then he sat back on the sofa and sighed softly as he awaited a response. Did Cerberus have message protocols installed? He wondered if she could even receive messages from him, but considering that Shepard had been able to send encrypted data to Anderson via her omni-tool, he had to assume she could.

His omni-tool beeped with her response.

_A. Shepard (14:24) – I'm here. Been a couple weeks. How are you? _

_K. Alenko (14:25) – I'm good. Keeping busy with work on the Citadel. Recruiting going well? _

_A. Shepard (14:27) – We've picked up a drell assassin and an asari Justicar. Both are very...intriguing individuals. _

_K. Alenko (14:30) – A drell. That's a first, even for you. _

_A. Shepard (14:32) – Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. I'm an alien lover. Bah. What do they know. Hell, you know how well our crew worked together. Didn't matter if we were the same species or not in the end. _

_K. Alenko (14:34) – I know, Shepard. Can I ask you something? _

_A. Shepard (14:35) – Oh lovely. By all means. _

He couldn't help but chuckle a bit at that. He could just picture her rolling her eyes. Given the turbulent reunion they'd had, he couldn't blame her.

_K. Alenko (14:38) – I got the message from Alliance HQ a week ago. Anderson assured me it was sent to you as well. Something holding you up? _

_A. Shepard (14:44) – ...I never got the message. _

Kaidan scrubbed a hand over his face. Well, that assured him that there were Cerberus loyalists on board, or that the Illusive Man – as Shepard had called him – was more hands than he had initially assumed. Someone had most likely deleted the message before Shepard had been able to see it.

_K. Alenko (14:48) – Does Cerberus scan your messages? _

_A. Shepard (14:50) – Very possible. I wouldn't put it past Timmy. What bothers me is who told him about this to begin with. My XO pretty much gave me the all clear and she would have been my first suspect. _

_K. Alenko (14:52) – So what now? _

_A. Shepard (14:53) – Don't worry. I'll handle it. I'll tell Joker to set a course for the Citadel. _

_A. Shepard (14:54) – ...see you soon, Kaidan. _

_K. Alenko (14:56) – See you soon, Shepard. _

He shut down his omni-tool and pushed himself up from the couch in his meagerly adorned living-room. He wouldn't have much to bring with him, but he might as well pack what he was going to take. It would keep him from thinking too much.

Hopefully.

* * *

Shepard was absolutely livid. After giving a course to Joker, she'd retreated to her quarters for the safety of her crew. Someone was passing on information to the Illusive Man; as she had told Kaidan, Miranda would have been her first suspect two weeks ago, but that was before the two of them had come to a sort of understanding on the matter of Kaidan's recruitment. She didn't like to think there was someone playing spy behind her back, but it wasn't something she could deny. If they had deleted the message from Alliance HQ, who was to say they hadn't deleted others; how many messages had Shepard never received?

This was going to stop, one way or the other.

"EDI – I want a record of all crew member correspondences with the Illusive Man." Shepard barked the order as she sat herself at her terminal.

"I have a block preventing me from completing this task." The AI supplied after a moment.

She cursed. Loudly. Someone was covering their tracks, or the Illusive Man was doing it for them. Well, unlucky for them she had still had an ace up her sleeve.

"EDI, let Kasumi know that I request her presence in my cabin please."

"Affirmative, Shepard." There was a few moments pause before the AI spoke to her again. "Ms. Goto is on her way up."

"Thank you, EDI."

"Logging you out, Shepard." The the blue orb flickered and disappeared from where it had fired up beside her door. Not too far behind her. Shepard turned her chair to face that direction as she waited for the thief. She didn't have to wait long. The doors hissed open and the hooded woman stepped into the room, grinning her way.

"Hey Shep!"

Shepard couldn't help but grin back. Something about this woman was infectious. She always found herself lightening up around her, more prone to discuss things of a personal nature. Ironic, but fitting, given that she was the galaxy's greatest and most wanted thief.

"I need your help with something, Kasumi."

The thief nodded and leaned her hip and shoulder against the wall as she folded her arms across her chest. "You came to the right person. What can I do you for?"

Shepard leaned back in her chair and she too folded her arms across her chest. "Someone is leaking information to the Illusive Man and either they, or Timmy, is covering their tracks well enough that I can't get records of correspondences between him and the crew."

"You sure it isn't that Lawson woman?" Kasumi asked. "She is loyal to a fault to Cerberus, isn't she?"

"I would have jumped to the same conclusion a couple weeks ago but I know it's not her. Not about this, given how I found out about the leak. Can you get me those correspondences, or at least who's been making calls, sending messages, to Timmy?"

Kasumi grinned. "What a stupid question, Shep. You know me. Anything I want, I get."

Shepard chuckled. "So you'll do this?"

"Sure, no problem."

They chatted for a little bit longer about inconsequential things, before they parted for the night. Shepard found that her anger had faded, leaving her just bone weary and tired. They were on their way back to the Citadel to pick up Kaidan and this newest problem was well on its way to being fixed; for the first time since she'd been brought back, she felt she might actually get a good night of sleep in.

She could hope anyway.


	10. Chapter Nine

**A/N: **Thank you all again for all your reviews! I love every single one of them and I am filled with pride that so many of you are still enjoying my story. You guys rule! As usual, I will be offering a Mass Effect/Dragon Age one-shot of their choice to my 100th reviewer. M-rating is appropriate for this chapter, as Jack has a dirty mouth(and Shepard, a little bit).

Disclaimer: ME'verse belongs to Bioware.

* * *

**A Path Rewritten**

**Chapter Nine  
**

* * *

"Is that him?" Kasumi asked, appreciation evident in her tone.

"Yeah, that's Kaidan." She acknowledged as she bit the inside of her cheek to keep herself from adding something snarky; that was the thing about the green eyed monster, made you say and do stupid things, in response to such little provocations. She wasn't going to be jealous that Kasumi was checking out Kaidan, damn it.

"Well what are you waiting for Shep? Go get him." The thief urged her, nudging her shoulder with her own.

"The Staff-Commander look anxious," Thane added, his voice ever-cool. The drell hadn't been on her crew long, but already she felt a connection with the assassin; it wasn't pity, as one would assume of her given that the drell was dying, rather an almost natural kinship.

"Hell, I'm anxious myself." Shepard rubbed the back of her neck. "I really want this but..."

"You worry that he will regret his decision to aid you," Thane finished for her. She nodded, lips pressed together in said anxiety. "From what you have told me of him, I believe him to be honorable. He would not offer his aid if he wasn't intent upon giving it to you."

"_I _want you two to continue your torrid romance," Kasumi sighed almost wistfully. "Real life is always so much better than my books. Mmhmm. _Especially _if it is anything like what you've told me."

"We're professional. Friends, only. What happened between us is in the past." Shepard grit the words out. This felt like the thousandth time she'd said those words since it had leaked out that Kaidan had offered to join the crew. Not that she believed them. Especially now, watching as Kaidan readjusted the strap of his bag on his shoulder, glancing around for her in the sea of humans and aliens alike. Who was she kidding? Of course she still loved him; the few weeks they had been able to spend together after Ilos, after Sovereign, had been the happiest of her life. She had been in love with him the day she had died, and not telling him had been one of her biggest regrets.

Regret or not, she couldn't tell him now. Things were different. The way things were between them was different. Once, they had been hand in hand, but now a chasm had grown between them, one she had no idea how to close. But this was a start, and it was all they had.

"Riiight," Kasumi replied, obviously skeptical.

"How the Commander feels should be her concern alone." Thane's tone implied reproach, but Kasumi only scoffed and waved it off. He frowned, but Shepard gave him a small smile and a nod, assuring him that it was alright. He nodded in return and she turned her gaze back to where Kaidan waited for her.

Anxious or not, she had kept him waiting long enough. "Wait here."

* * *

"Hey."

Kaidan's heart leaped at the sound of her voice. He swallowed and turned to face her, a smile crossing his lips at the mere sight of her. She shuffled from one foot to the other, hands stuffed in the back pockets of the fatigues she'd chosen to wear. "Hey yourself," he replied.

She grinned and nodded toward his shoulder where his bag was strapped. "Ready?"

"As I'll ever be," he replied, though he made no move toward her.

Her grin faded and she shuffled her stance again, her gaze dropping for a moment to her feet; he hadn't seen her show such a display of anxiety since she had first introduced herself to him all those years ago when she had first come aboard the Normandy. Shepard was usually so cock-sure and confident, it was a surprise – even now – to see her display anything else.

"You sure about this, Kaidan?" She finally voiced her worry, raising her eyes back to his face.

He readjusted the strap of his bag, shuffling his own feet. "This isn't the place for this kind of conversation, Shepard, but to be perfectly honest – I may not be completely sure about this."

"Kaidan - "

"But," he held up his free hand to let her know he wasn't finished, "I've gone about this the right way. I haven't turned my back on the Alliance. They've given me leave to help you. And I will. So," he grinned, "you should probably just get me on board and stop trying to get me to change my mind."

"As you say, Alenko." She nodded and inclined her head to gesture behind her. "Kasumi and Thane are waiting for us. Come on."

* * *

This was exactly what she _didn't _need. "Fuck," she spat the word in distaste. "I'm going to kill that goddamned bastard myself!" It had felt better than great having Kaidan with her again on a mission, but fuck this. This was not going to make anything easier; it was going to complicate things. Of course she knew Cerberus couldn't be trusted, but because of this, she knew that tenuous bit of trust Kaidan had in her was going to be put to the test. A part of her, the part that had been hurt by his words on Horizon, knew that he could very well turn his back on her again.

"Not if I don't do it first! Fuckers!" Jack snarled.

"I'm not going to say I told you so," Kaidan muttered, "but first thing's first – we have to get off this ship!"

"No shit Sherlock."

"Jack, that's enough. Kaidan's right." Shepard sighed and reloaded her rifle with a new thermal clip. "Goddamned Collectors. No, wait, I guess that's not right. Damned Protheans." She grunted and jumped down from where they'd taken their stance on the platform, happy to finally be off those damned moving targets. "EDI, what the hell is going on?"

"We've established this was a trap - "

"Yes, I am well aware of that EDI!" Shepard snapped impatiently. "And don't think I'm about to let the Illusive Man get away with sending us right into it. Get us the hell out of here!"

"Commander, I hate to interrupt but the ship is powering up their weapons!" Joker's frantic alert came through the comm. "You better get the hell out of there, I'm not about to lose another Normandy to these bastards."

"Got'cha Joker, working on it!" She signaled for Kaidan and Jack to follow and she moved down the ramp into room; their presence was no longer a secret and it was a hellish battle that they were forced to fight if they wanted to get out of there alive. Shepard had never felt so livid than in the midst of these battles, taking down Collectors and husks as they ran; _the bastard had sent her and her team into a goddamned trap! _And now, _now_, it was personal – more so given the fact that good old Timmy had willingly not only put her life on the line, but Kaidan's. After getting him back – in whatever little way she could – his life was already being put to risk; she knew they were soldiers, that risk came with every mission, but this was different. _He'd known it was a trap. _

Her eyes were trained on Kaidan nearly the entire time, if only to reassure herself that he wasn't going to come to harm as they made their escape.

_There! _She waved them forward, turning her back to them, firing upon the husks that were frantically chasing after them.

"Fuck! Shepard! Come on!" Jack snarled, knocking a few of the husks off the ledge with a biotic throw.

"Go!" Shepard yelled, slamming in a new thermal clip.

"I'm not leaving without you, Shepard!" Kaidan yelled back. "Not again!"

"I'm coming! Just go!" She turned and shoved him in the chest; he looked like he might fight her, but he pressed his lips together thinly and nodded. He ran for the shuttle, dragging Jack by her arm though she cursed him every step of the way. Shepard kept firing, inching her way backward toward the shuttle, leveling husk after husk; where were they all coming from?

"We're in! Run Shepard!"

She didn't need him to tell her twice, she turned and full on bolted for the shuttle as it began to lift off, moving just slightly away from the ledge. She took a deep breath and leaped the gap for all that she was worth, landing awkwardly in the shuttle to where she stumbled and fell against Kaidan, his arms wrapping around her on reflex. The shuttle returned to the Normandy and reluctantly she pulled herself from Kaidan to run to the lift, taking it to the CIC and running to the cockpit.

"Get us out here Joker!"

"I'm working on it!" Joker snapped back, his hands flying across his controls. "EDI! Get us out of here!"

"You must specify a location, Jeff." The ship lurched as Joker steered it roughly away from the Collector's firing beam. They weren't going to make it, Shepard thought desperately for a moment as Kaidan ran up to stand behind her, his hand on her shoulder.

"Anywhere! I don't care! Just get us out of here!"

* * *

Shepard was still pissed off when she retreated to her cabin. She'd spoken to the Illusive Man and discussed with her team about the information EDI had gathered from her link with the Collector's ship. The Illusive Man had opted to give her the excuse that it had been a necessary risk, because they needed information about how to safely navigate the Omega-4 relay; she knew that was true, but that didn't mean she still wasn't pissed at him. She'd made her objections clear, that if he ever put her or her squad in danger like that again, she would track him down and kill him herself.

She sat in the chair at her desk, her head in her hands as she thought about everything she'd just learned from EDI; the Collector home world was in the fucking center of the universe. There was no longer any doubt that this mission was most likely going to be a one-way trip – a suicide mission for the greater good.

Her fingers curled into her palm tightly, nails biting into her skin and drawing blood. With a cry, she brought up her fist and slammed it down onto her desk as hard as she could; it spider-web cracked just a bit, but stayed in tact, much to Shepard's surprise. Her chest heaved as she tried to reign in her emotions; a commander had to stay cool under pressure, she had to be strong for her crew. She had known this wasn't going to be easy, but to have that knowledge right before her eyes – that they wouldn't be coming back – was not something she wanted. Not really.

"Fuck," she spat the word and folded her hands in her lap, despite the stinging and aching of the one she'd punched her desk with. They didn't stay that way long. Soon they were sliding through her hair.

She should have left Kaidan on the Citadel. Now he could very well be walking into a suicide mission with her, dying to help her when he could be safe elsewhere.

Kaidan. He'd looked hurt when she had shrugged off his hand after the meeting and stormed to the lift without so much more than a "not right now, Alenko".

She didn't want to face him, not right now. Not when she knew he would be reaming into her about what had just transpired. More I told you so's about Cerberus. She couldn't handle that right now.

"Commander."

Her lips parted with a soft sigh. "Yes EDI?"

"Staff-Commander Alenko is requesting entrance into your quarters."

Shepard sighed, much louder this time, and rubbed her hands over her face. She pushed herself up from her chair and walked to the doors, opening them to see Kaidan standing there. "Something you need Kaidan?" She asked, trying to keep her irritation out of her voice; he wasn't deserving of her anger.

"Shepard - " He frowned and shuffled his stance. "I wanted to make sure you are alright."

She scoffed. "Really? No "I told you not to trust Cerberus" or "I want off this damn Cerberus ship now"?"

He rubbed a hand over his face. "Listen, Shepard, I know you're pissed. Hell, I am too. But I am not here to argue with you."

"Oh yeah?"

She grabbed the front of his shirt and yanked him to her, her free hand sliding up into his hair to yank down his head so that their lips slammed together. He stiffened, almost tried to move away, but after a strangled groan, he wrapped his arms around her and yanked her flush against his hot body. Shepard couldn't help but moan; he took the opportunity to slide his tongue past her parted lips, delving hotly into her mouth to tease and taunt her own.

This probably wasn't a good idea, but right now she really didn't give a damn.


	11. Chapter Ten

**A/N: **There were mixed responses on the note in which I ended the last chapter. It was interesting to see how the responses varied. One thing seemed certain though – I am a cruel, cruel author. With horrible cliffhangers. Lol. Thank you for all your reviews, alerts, and favorites; the response had been overwhelming and it makes my day. I apologize for the delay; as it says in my weekly notes in my author's profile, I'm sick and so my writing process has slowed a bit. Hopefully this chapter will make up for the wait.

Disclaimer: Mass Effect belongs to Bioware. I make no profit from this piece of fiction, but I enjoy writing it regardless.

* * *

**A Path Rewritten**

**Chapter Ten**

* * *

His ability to think coherently was stripped away from him the moment Shepard yanked his head down and pressed her lips to his. He stiffened, instinctively wanting to pull away from her, but at her insistence, he found himself helpless. The need for her took over and he wrapped his arms around her slight frame, pulling her flush against his muscular frame. Lips parting beneath his and he slid his tongue inside to stroke over her own, pulling an intoxicating mewl from her that made him instantly hard. He groaned as she turned them, pushing his back against the illuminated fish tank. Her own skillful tongue was wreaking havoc on his senses.

A fragment of his sanity hung by a thread, whispering to him that this wasn't what he wanted, or what she wanted. At least, right now. She was angry. This wasn't the time for this, as badly as he may have wanted it. Or longed for it since the day she had died, two years ago.

Still to feel her lips on his, her tongue teasing his, was almost surreal. He had to bury the errant fear that this was no more than a dream and he would once again wake to find her gone, as he had for every night in the years she _had _been gone.

With what could only be described as herculean will, he pressed his hands to her shoulders and with a groan, ripped his lips away. She moaned at the loss and he had to grab her hands as she tried to yank his head back down. He pressed her palms to his chest and leaned his head back against the aquarium, sucking in a deep, steadying breath.

After a long moment to steel his nerves and regain coherency, he turned his gaze to her flushed face and dilated eyes. There was desire there, but it was perverse, stroked by an anger he knew was justified; if he were her, he would have done more than yell and threaten the Illusive Man. He would have killed him; he still wanted to kill, for having risked Shepard's life in such a careless way.

"Why did you stop?" She asked, her lips pressed together tensely.

He sighed softly. "I know you're angry, Shepard. This isn't the time for...this."

She sighed as well, withdrawing from him and raking her fingers through her dark hair as she paced away down the steps into the lower level of her quarters. "You're right. Sorry."

"It's understandable. What the Illusive Man did today - "

"Oh believe me," she snapped, turning to face him, her eyes promising something terrible, "he won't be getting away with this. Once the Collectors are finished, he's going to regret the day he brought me back."

"Shepard." He moved down the steps after her and gently clasped her shoulders in his hands. "It's alright. I'm fine. Jack is fine – well, she isn't fine, but she wasn't hurt today."

"I know," she shrugged his hands off her shoulders and turned her back to him. "But that doesn't even come close to making what he did right. Even if it was necessary for the mission."

He sat himself on her sofa and took a deep, calming breath. His blood still felt like lava as it flowed through his veins, his body more than alive in its desire for her. He was still surprised that he had been able to stop himself, if the strain on his pants was any indication of how _much _he desired her.

_Tread carefully, Alenko. You already said this wasn't the time for that. _He sighed soundlessly as he gazed at her stiff back.

"Shepard?"

"Hm?" She didn't turn to face him, just kept her gaze on some focal point on the hull. No doubt lost in her thoughts. Something that used to happen a lot on the old Normandy, in their days chasing down Saren. He used to catch her sitting in the mess with a pile of data pads, her mind a million miles away.

"You remember when the council grounded us? How angry you were?"

She snorted and crossed her arms as she turned to face him. He saw the wry smile on her lips. It was progress at least. Distracted, she wasn't as liable to focus on her anger. "How can I forget? I believe I made sure they knew I'd pulled their asses out of the fire at the cost of many human lives. That they owed me given the fact that I could have prevented it had they not grounded my ship and crew."

He chuckled and nodded. "They were not too happy about that."

"I recall, but I don't really give a damn if they weren't happy, or even if they aren't happy with me now. Too many times they refused to listen to me. If I were the vengeful sort, I would have simply let fate handle them." She scoffed and sat on the edge of her bed, scrubbing her hand across her face. "I've grown a bit sick of people not listening to me."

He frowned but nodded again; he could be counted among that number. He had refused to listen to her on Horizon in his anger and had hurt her because of it. Hurt he wasn't sure he would be able to repair. Though he wasn't sure if he was even ready for that step. Things had been happening so quickly since her 'resurrection' and there were still lots of unresolved tension between the two of them. Trusting her had been a big step as it was, even if that made him an ass.

"Can you believe it though?" She laughed slightly.

"Believe what?"

"They're Protheans, Kaidan. The damn Collectors are the Protheans." She ran her fingers through her hair and raised her brow at him.

"It is a hard thing to believe," he replied honestly. It really was hard to believe, but over the last two and a half years he had been faced with many unbelievable things; Shepard returning his feelings, helping her kidnap the Normandy to chase Saren to Ilos, Sovereign, Shepard dying – it had been a crazy ride. How could he expect it to be any less chaotic even now? According to Shepard, the Reapers were still out there and they wouldn't stop until the 'cycle' was complete. The galaxy was full of unbelievability when it came to how much they actually knew about it. Which was, in reality, very little.

She groaned and placed her palms over her eyes. "Three years ago I was a simple soldier. My biggest worry was that I wouldn't be able to explore the vastness of our galaxy. Then Eden Prime happened and now everything is...well, insane. Sentient race of machines want to wipe us out and they warped the Protheans into these grotesque creatures to do their bidding." She swallowed and dropped her hands, linking them together between her knees. Her eyes met his, full of worry. "They experimented on the Protheans and made them into Collectors, Kaidan. I don't even want to begin to think of what they're doing to the colonists they are kidnapping."

It was a sobering thought, to say the least. "Don't worry Shepard, we'll find them before they can do anything to them." He assured her, though he didn't even have faith in those words. Often times, as soldiers, circumstances took control out of their hands. That didn't stop the guilt. Guilt he knew Shepard carried with her after what had happened on Akuze.

"I hope so, Kaidan, I really hope so."

"You're doing the best that you can."

"I know," she sighed and tucked dark strands of her hair behind her ear. "I sure as hell don't agree with his methods, but at least we have a way to get to the Collectors now."

Kaidan unfolded his arms and leaned forward himself, pressing his elbows to his knees. "Right. The Omega-4 relay."

She nodded. "You saw what EDI showed us, that the Collector home world lies somewhere in the damned center of the galaxy. That's where the Omega-4 relay will take us. But, it has a friend/foe identification system that stops enemy vessels from successfully using the relay."

"I remember. We need the Reaper IFF, right?"

"Right. The only way to do that is to raid the abandoned Reaper ship in orbit around Mnemosyne, in the Thorne system." She tapped the pads of her index fingers together. "I'm not too happy about that. I mean we'll do it anyway because we need that IFF but after seeing so many fall to indoctrination, I don't want to step foot on a Reaper ship, dead or not."

"I can definitely agree with you on that, Shepard. After Sovereign..." He cut himself off with a shake of his head. He never wanted to see another Reaper for as long as he lived, even if that was an unlikely desire. But if Shepard was determined to stop them from coming to kill them all, she wouldn't stop until she was dead. Again.

"I have to do it."

"I know Shepard." He nodded and glanced down at his hands, the thought of her death still as painful now as it had been two years ago.

"Kaidan..." His eyes returned to her face to see her chewing her lip thoughtfully. Then she sighed and scrubbed her hand across her face, the other gripping her knee tightly. She dropped her hand and leveled her blue gaze on him, her brows pulled together. "You heard them. This is most likely going to be a one way trip. I - "

"Don't even think about it." He stood abruptly from his seat, his eyes shuttered as he looked back at her, his features set stubbornly. "I made up my mind about this, Shepard. You are not leaving me behind."

She growled – or something akin to a growl – and stood, as rigid as he. "Kaidan, I am pretty sure when the Alliance signed off on you helping me they didn't think they were signing your death warrant. I wasn't sure where this mission was going to lead, but if we aren't coming back, I can't risk taking you with me."

"No," he ground his teeth. "You don't get to do this, not again. You don't get to tell me to abandon ship while you go off to die!" The words were said louder than he intended, but he couldn't help it. That moment haunted his dreams, and even his waking moments. The one thing he wished he could have taken back was listening to her order that day, but she made him believe that it was all going to work out fine. That was Shepard – she accomplished the impossible, escaped death on a daily basis. He hadn't thought for a single moment that she was actually going to die or else he never would have left her.

"I didn't think I was going to die!" She shouted back. "Damn it, Kaidan!" She paced away from him and raked her fingers through her hair before she snapped back around to face him. "Even if I did think I was going to die, I still would have done it. You, Joker, Pressley – rest his soul – you all were my crew. I willingly gave my life to save you and I would do it again. That's what a Captain – no, a friend – does."

"Shepard," he growled her name and took a step toward her.

"I'm sorry, Kaidan." She whispered, her hands coming up to frame his face. "I am so sorry my death hurt you. I am so sorry you have suffered these last two years because of me. I didn't _want _to die, but if it meant saving you, getting you out alive, I can be happy that I at least had accomplished that."

Their eyes remained locked for a very long moment before he withdrew from her hold, taking her hands from his face and letting them drop. "I can't be mad at you for dying."

"You can and you have been." She smiled almost wryly. "Hate me if you must, be mad at me if you want, or need to, but please understand – I can't take you through the Omega-4 relay if we're not going to come back."

"I said no!" He snapped, angry all over again. "I am coming with you."

"You don't get to order me around, Alenko, not on my ship. If I want you off, you will be off." She said stubbornly, folding her arms across her chest. They glared at each other for a long moment, his heart hurting all over again. She couldn't do this to him, not again; she couldn't leave him somewhere safe while she ran off to die. To face the impossible without him there to protect her. He'd failed in that once before, he wasn't about to let it happen again.

"Then I will find a way back on. I'm going through that relay with you, whether or not you say so," were his parting words as he turned and practically stormed from her cabin.

Shepard watched him go before she sank back onto her bed, her head in her hands. The man was impossible, but at least he was fighting to stay with her instead of fighting to get away.

She could take a moment to let herself bask in that small victory.


	12. Chapter Eleven

**A/N: **Alright, this is it people – I am sure with this update, we will be passing the 100th review mark! As I stated before, I've gotten into the practice of offering one-shots to the 100th reviewer! Anything of the Dragon Age/Mass Effect variety. I like to show my gratitude of your continued support in this fashion by offering presents.

Also, I'm still sick but am on my way to getting better. This is why the updates have slowed. I thank you for your patience and understanding.

Disclaimer: We all know what goes here. ME belongs to Bioware, I'm just playing with their toys.

* * *

**A Path Rewritten**

**Chapter Eleven**

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Shepard and Kaidan had not actually spoken in the several days that passed, not since their argument about whether or not she would allow him to stay aboard the Normandy when they passed through the Omega-4 relay. She knew that he understood; she was worried about his safety, but the man had always proven to be stubborn, and – at times – unflinchingly loyal. It was usually an impossible task, changing his mind once he was set on one thing or another, but Shepard had always proved to do the impossible. Most would say that is what her career was made of – impossible tasks; being the only survivor of the batarian slaver's raid on Mindoir, lasting and surviving the thresher maw ambush on Akuze, gathering together a cohesive, alien unit to stop the impending the invasion of the Reapers, and hell, even now, putting together a squad to trek through the impossible journey of the Omega-4 relay to take out the Collector home world.

Realistically, suicide mission or not, there was a chance she could pull this off. There was no way she was going to jump through that relay with any other mindset than coming back with every member of her team alive. To her, there was no other option. Jenkins, Williams, Pressly; regrettable losses, ones that would remind her to do better. And better is what was needed this time around.

Her team needed to be ready for the worst, however, as the Illusive Man had put it. If they had any unfinished business, this was the time for it, while they were upgrading the ship and making final preparations for their jump through the relay. And many – actually, all of them – had something that they needed closure on before courting death, as they would no doubt be doing on this mission.

The last few days in her separation from Kaidan, she had helped Miranda rescue her genetic twin from her father; they were different ages, but that wasn't what made them twins. Miranda's father had opted to try his experiment for the perfect heir a second time, but Miranda wasn't about to let an innocent go through the hell she'd experienced and escaped with her when she was nothing more than a baby. To be honest, she began to see her XO in a whole new light after that mission; Miranda had a hard shell, but she was actually human – fallible – beneath it, just like the rest of them.

Then she had been asked by Jacob to follow up on a lead he had about the disappearance of his father, and the ship he had served on – the _Hugo Gernsback_. They weren't certain where the lead had come from, but Jacob wanted closure and Shepard wanted to give it to him. They had expected no more than corpses, but were instead treated to a new kind of hell. A data pad full of hell; Jacob's father split the crew from the officers, and took refuge, saving the unspoiled food for himself and his 'circle of trustees'. Forced the crew to eat the ruined food and endure brain degeneration, before then assigning the women to male officers for sexual purposes. It had taken every little bit of her self control to let Jacob handle his father when they found him; the rest of his life in an Alliance prison was too good for him, or so she thought. But it was a start.

It was safe to say that after that little detour, Shepard had needed a small break. The thought of what had occurred to the women they rescued was enough to make her physically nauseous. A late night in the mess with a pile of data pads and a mug of coffee actually became appealing. Anything, even mundane anything, to get her mind off what had occurred on 2175 Aeia.

The upgrades were going well enough, she saw. The new plating should give them an edge over that beam that had tore apart the old Normandy. She took a sip of her coffee.

"Can't sleep?"

The dual-toned timbre of his voice brought her head up. Garrus stood at the other side of the table, mandibles pulled in tight against his face in what she knew was a frown; she could be thankful he had served on the SR-1, or else she wouldn't be able to gauge turian expressions as well as she could now. She smiled, touched my his concern, but shrugged her shoulders.

"Trying not to think too much about what we found on Aeia," she admitted.

"I don't blame you there. It was disgusting what Jacob's father did." Garrus nodded his head once and then took a seat across from her, bracing his elbows against the ledge of the table.

"Yeah, well, at least he'll be serving his dues for the rest of his life. If Jacob had let me handle it, I may have shot the bastard." Shepard remarked nonchalantly as she sipped her coffee again.

"You and me both, Shepard."

"Mmm, true." She scrolled through the data pad, nodding with approval when she saw that Garrus had given them schematics to upgrade the Normandy's guns. Or rather give them a canon. She doubted even a Collector ship's hull could handle the punch this would pack.

They sat in companionable silence for a little while, before Garrus dared to break it. "Hey Shepard?"

"Yeah?"

"I might need your help." That got her attention. She set her data pad down and nodded. "You remember the fight on Omega?"

She chuckled and folded her arms. "Don't think it's going to be something either of us is liable to forget anytime soon, Garrus. If you do, I can always hand you a mirror."

He laughed and she found herself grinning at the sound. "Damn Shepard, still hurts to laugh. Cut it out." He sobered and shook his head, mandibles outstretched in a grin. "I wasn't working alone, that's just how you found me. I had a team of 11 good men. They all died, but one. A turian named Sidonis survived." He literally growled the name, the anger and hatred of this turian made crystal clear by that alone. "He's the reason my men are dead."

"Shit Garrus. Do you know why he did it?"

He shrugged. "No, but I'll be sure to ask him right after I put a shot through his skull."

"Kinda hard to get answers out of a dead man," she commented wryly.

"That's kind of the point, Shepard. I don't really care what he has to say," he grunted. "He disappeared right before the attack. But," he leaned forward, toward her. "I've found him. Or at least a way to get to him. There's a specialist on the Citadel, name's Fade. He's an expert at helping people disappear. Sidonis was seen with him."

"Garrus," she sighed his name softly and unfolded her arms, leaning on the table toward him. "What are you planning to do when you find him? And I want you to think about this carefully."

He narrowed his eyes. "You humans have a saying, Shepard; an eye for an eye, a life for a life. He owes me ten lives and I plan to collect."

"Are you sure that's how you want to handle this?"

"I'm sure." He almost seemed offended by her pressing, not that she could blame him. He'd once trusted her to help him enact revenge on a salarian doctor, but in the end she had took the shot in place of Garrus. He hadn't exactly been happy about that. "I don't need you to agree with me, but I'd like your help."

She sighed softly and nodded; despite her agreement, she was going to do her best to convince him that killing this turian wouldn't make him feel better. He believed it would though, she could see that. "Where do we find Fade?"

"I've already arranged a meeting." He nodded. "We'll meet him in a warehouse near the Neon Markets, down on Zakera Ward."

"I'll make sure we get to the Citadel as soon as possible then."

"Thanks Shepard," he reached over and placed his talons over her hand. She was surprised at the touch, but didn't pull away, slightly fascinated by how very warm it was. "I appreciate you taking the time to help me."

She smiled and laid her other hand on top of his, enjoying the warmth. "It's not a problem, Garrus."

"Am I interrupting?" Kaidan's voice had them withdrawing and turning to look at him. Why Shepard felt the urge to flush was beyond her. It wasn't like she'd been caught flirting by her boyfriend, yet it kind of felt that way. Damn these feelings for Kaidan, they were continuing to affect her when there were much more important matters at hand.

"No," Garrus said carefully, pushing himself up from the table. "I just needed Shepard's ear."

"What about?" Kaidan stepped forward toward the table, arms folded across his chest defensively, even though his face was carefully blank.

"It's personal. Now, I'm calling it a night." He nodded to Shepard who nodded back, before wandering down the hall and disappearing back into the main battery.

"Why is he so defensive?"

"I don't think he was being defensive, Kaidan, I just think you might be reading too much into it." Shepard chuckled as she lifted her mug to get a drink.

"Am I reading too much into how he feels about you?" He had to be kidding, right? But no, he had a completely serious, if not somewhat pensive, expression on his features.

"Kaidan Alenko, please tell me you are not going there." She wanted to roll her eyes. Hell, she actually _did _roll her eyes. "Garrus is my friend. He almost died on Omega. We're close, yeah, but we're friends."

"He feels something for you, Shepard. He's far more over protective than a friend would be," he mumbled as he took the seat where Garrus had been a moment before.

"Or perhaps turians are just fiercely loyal." Shepard rolled her shoulders in a shrug. "I wish you would stop looking for something that's not there."

"Yeah, I get it. You think I'm seeing things." He shook his head with a slight chuckle.

"Either that, or," she leaned toward him and reached across to poke him in the chest, "maybe you are looking at things warped because you're jealous."

His brows dropped down over his eyes as his one of his hands came up to hers and pressed it to his chest. "What if I was?" he grunted defensively.

Her heart jumped from her chest to her throat and she swallowed the lump, stomping it down stubbornly. She couldn't allow this. Not after how it had turned out last time; the events of Horizon replayed through her mind and she withdrew her hand from his. "Let's not go there, Kaidan."

"Why?" His lips pulled into a tight frown. "I seem to recall you kissing me senseless only a few days ago."

"That," she swallowed again, pressing her palms to her thighs to steady them, "was a mistake, Kaidan. I was angry and not thinking clearly - "

"Mistake?" he echoed the word.

"Not like that!" She snapped, before taking in a deep, calming breath. "We were never a mistake. Don't ever think that. I care about you, but the other night was a mistake. There is a lot of...unsettled matters between us and with the mission, I just...I don't think it's a good idea, right now."

"Noted, Commander." He said stiffly, pushing himself up from the table.

"Kaidan - "

"Sorry, Shepard. I need time to think." He turned his back to her, and started his way to the med bay where he was staying for the time being until she found him a place – besides her quarters – on the ship to stay, or call his own.

"Kaidan, wait." She pushed herself up from the table.

"What is it?" He stopped, angled toward her though she could only see his face in profile.

"I'm going to help Garrus find someone on the Citadel. I'd like you to come with us, in case we need some back up."

He nodded. "Just let me know, Shepard." He paused a moment, then nodded again as if to himself. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Kaidan." She sighed as he disappeared into the med bay, running her hands over her face tiredly. "Joker, set a course for the Citadel," she muttered into the comm, "and EDI, make sure my quarters are off limits until we get there."


	13. Chapter Twelve

**A/N: **My net has been flaky, which is why the update took a little bit. Updates might end up being weekly if I can't resolve the problem; alas, I start work today, Tuesday, and will be working, for the foreseeable future, Mondays through Fridays, so if I cannot find time to update during that time, updates will most likely start being posted on the weekends. Thank you all for your alerts, favorites, and reviews; I love them all! :)

Disclaimer: Bioware owns Mass Effect, I just enjoy writing about it.

* * *

**A Path Rewritten**

**Chapter Twelve**

* * *

Shepard was mad. A little more than mad. Garrus, on the other hand, was livid. The commander was surprised her turian friend had not kicked Kaidan out the airlock as soon as they boarded the Normandy. Instead, he had opted to curse – words that even her translator did not pick up on – and stormed to the main battery where he had been holed up for the last several hours. Shepard had tried to come by and check on him, but he had told her, and she could quote this, "I don't want to see you right now, Commander. And if Alenko even comes within ten feet of this door, I'll shoot him dead."

She thought it was a bit much, his reaction. Sure she was mad, but that was because Kaidan had deliberately disobeyed an order, flouted her authority; with Garrus, it was personal.

He'd taken control out of Garrus' hands and then, out of hers'. He had claimed to trust in her, even if he didn't trust Cerberus, but the first time she truly needed him to trust her, he hadn't.

She had agreed to help Garrus get his revenge on Sidonis, but that hadn't meant that she wasn't going to try and talk him out of it when the moment actually came. Kaidan had automatically assumed she was going along with it, one hundred percent, and had promptly taken control of the mission into his own hands. He confronted Garrus when the turian had climbed out of the vehicle to set up his rifle and they were lucky that their yelling had not alerted anyone, especially Sidonis, to their presence. Then when they had met with Sidonis, she had tried to talk to the turian, but had been rudely over ridden by Kaidan; he'd questioned the turian, asserted that Garrus was there to murder him, and then tried to let the turian go. Shepard had to stop him before he ended up putting himself directly in like with Garrus' shot. After all, she was the only thing between him and her turian friend.

Kaidan demanded that she let him go and she'd snapped at him, telling him that he needed to shut his damned mouth because he had put the whole mission at risk. It had never been her intent to let Garrus kill Sidonis, but it seemed Kaidan now assumed that, just because she was working with Cerberus, she was now a cold blooded murderer. She was not witness to Sidonis' betrayal, so in her opinion, she had to no right to be judge and jury for his execution.

She had managed to talk Garrus down – _barely. _He had been riled up and pissed because of Kaidan, so talking him down was much more difficult than she thought it would be. Vigilante or not, Garrus was a good soul and he didn't believe in this. He just wanted to be able to put his men at peace in the after life – whatever that may be – and he thought this was the way he could do it. Sidonis was already dead, though. She could see it and she pointed it to him.

"_Let him live with the guilt, Garrus. It's killing him. In reality, death would be a blessing at this point. The easy way out. He's not living, not really. He knows what he did was wrong." _

After a very long moment, he sent his acquiescence over the comm link, telling her to send Sidonis on his way before he changed his mind.

It had been a rocky mission from the start, once Kaidan had learned what they were about. It certainly was not any more smoothed out now. Garrus was pissed, Kaidan was irritated, and Shepard was mad – essentially all the same, but at differentiating levels.

A couple of hours had passed since they returned from the Citadel and Garrus had sent her away multiple times already, but she wasn't going to let him shut her out. He would see that letting Sidonis live was the right choice, even if it took awhile, but in the meantime, she could at least try to help smooth it over. They were friends and they were supposed to have each others' backs, even if they always didn't completely agree with each others' choices.

"Garrus?" She politely rapped her knuckles against his door instead of hitting the controls to just open it. She really didn't think barging in would help right now.

She heard him sigh. "Shepard, I _really _don't want to talk at the moment. Please just leave me alone."

"Garrus, come on. I know you're mad, but you know you can't stay mad at me forever," she teased, trying to lighten the mood. Despite his irritation over the whole thing, she could hear his faint, dual-toned chuckle from behind the door.

"You're right. I _probably _can't," he sighed again, "but can I just have a night to think on it? I won't turn you away tomorrow."

"I'll hold you to that."

"I wouldn't expect anything else."

"Goodnight Garrus," she sighed softly as she rapped her knuckles against the door again, this time to mark her departure as he rumbled his own goodnight. When she turned and headed down the short hall to the mess, she inwardly groaned to see that Kaidan was leaning his hip against the table, arms folded over his chest. "Can I help you, Alenko?" She stopped at the top of the steps, wanting to keep at least a bit of distance between them.

He was frowning, she noticed. Not mad though. That she didn't expect. She had expected him to rail at her after the way she'd dismissed him upon the completion of the mission. He almost looked pensive.

"I...I wanted to apologize," he said after a tense moment of silence had stretched between them.

_O-kay_. That she definitely did not expect. Kaidan Alenko had always been stubborn – Horizon had reminded her of that – and he didn't usually apologize when he felt he was in the right. "I don't think you should be apologizing to me, but to Garrus." He shook his head.

"I will not apologize for protecting a man from Garrus' vengeance. Whether or not he deserved it." He sighed, rubbed the space between his dark brows. "I wanted to apologize for the way I handled it. To apologize for disregarding your orders and not trusting you to handle the situation like I should have."

"Kaidan." His name was a soft sigh of resignation. How was she supposed to stay mad at him now?

He, too, sighed. "I feel like because of this we've taken two steps back."

Shepard moved down the steps and stopped just a few feet away from him. "You're right about that, Kaidan. I was not going to allow him to kill Sidonis, but if I had told him that, he never would have asked me to help him. He would have tracked Sidonis down on his own and shot him without so much as a second thought."

"Shepard – " She held up her hand and he pressed his lips together in a tight frown.

"You said that you trusted me, even if you didn't trust Cerberus, but the first time I _needed _you to trust in me, you didn't and you couldn't."

"Shepard – " He took a step toward her and she took a step back, folding her arms with a slight shake of her head.

"I accept your apology, Kaidan, but I am going to need some time. What happened...well, it's as you said, despite our step forward in the right direction, we've taken two steps back. I don't like knowing my squad mates don't have my back, that they do not trust me." She sighed softly and pointed a slim finger at him. "If you are going to remain aboard my ship, you _need _to trust me." He didn't say anything, just nodded. "Good. I'm not going to take you on the next mission to avoid further complications, as I'm sure there may be another conflict of interest. Jack needs my help with something and I promised her I would help."

"Shepard...Jack isn't exactly stable." He looked apprehensive now. "Please tell me she isn't planning a mass murder, because she is certainly capable of it."

Despite the seriousness of his words, she found herself laughing softly. She held her palms up when he moved to say something. "Nothing so bad, I assure you."

"Not _so _bad?"

"Kaidan...do you trust me?" The words were hard to say, given the let down earlier today, but the question had to be asked. He didn't answer her right away, the silence stretching until she wanted to say something, anything, just to break it.

"Of course, Shepard." He sighed the words finally with a nod.

He seemed resigned, but she would take it. It was better than nothing considering the backward progress. She nodded in turn and moved past him. "Oh!" She turned around to face him again for a moment. He angled himself so he could see her, though he didn't turn completely. "Samara has graciously offered you her quarters, just around the corner here. I've never seen her sleep myself, and she said the space was going to waste. Said that the med bay was more than alright to suit her needs, so long as she had a place to meditate."

"She doesn't need to do that for me," Kaidan smiled though, as if the thought warmed him.

Samara was very easy to get along with, as long as you didn't do anything outside the lines of her Justicar code, because then, well,...she'd kill you. She wouldn't have a choice. Justicars lived by their code and never disobeyed it. The asari had even threatened Shepard, saying that if she made her do anything against her code whilst under her oath, then she would well...kill her. The thought still made her chuckle. "She said it isn't a problem, so I'd take her up on it lest she change her mind," she teased. "And as much as I _adore _Chakwas, she can get a little nosy. I know it's because she cares, but I don't always like being examined as if I were under a microscope."

He chuckled knowingly. "Can't argue with you there."

"It's settled then. Tomorrow while we are out on our next mission, you can move your things into your new quarters." She nodded. "Kaidan?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you for apologizing. It meant a lot." He nodded and she turned, heading to the lift to take it to her cabin. Despite the way the day had gone, the night had at least taken a turn in the right direction.

* * *

She checked her terminal once she reached her cabin and was surprised to see a message from Anderson waiting for her.

_Shepard,_

_There are rumors circulating that Staff-Commander Alenko had defected to Cerberus. I know it's not true. Especially given that you are not truly Cerberus either. However, I wanted to give you a heads up that the Alliance, or Hackett, may inquire about the rumor. The last thing I'd want is to have Kaidan dishonorably discharged over a stupid rumor. _

_Someone is up to something. Keep your eyes open and watch your back. _

_Stay safe,_

_Anderson._

What the hell? A rumor about Kaidan joining Cerberus? That couldn't be a coincidence, given that Shepard was already having problems with a spy/informant on her ship. The Illusive Man had not said anything about Kaidan's recruitment, at least not to her, but he had been the one to leak the vids of her to show that she was alive and working with Cerberus. The same leak that had led Kaidan to Horizon. He could very well be trying to get Kaidan kicked out of the Alliance just because he didn't want an Alliance operative on what he considered _his _ship.

She couldn't put it past him. The Illusive Man was capable of anything. The Collector ship had proved that.

Her fingers brought up her omni-tool; she didn't trust that the terminal wasn't bugged.

_Kasumi I need you to look up some additional information for me. There is a rumor spreading around that Kaidan has abandoned the Alliance and defected to Cerberus. See if you can locate the source. -S_

A few moments after she hit send, her omni-tool beeped with a response.

_You're a slave driver, Shep, but consider it done. -K_

She shook her head with a chuckle, fingers lying across the holographic pad to type up a response. _Have to keep you busy somehow. Speaking of – do you have any leads on who's been informing good old Timmy of our every move? -S_

_Actually, I do. And honestly? I'm not all that surprised; I never really like the woman. Rubs me the wrong way. (and yes, you can picture me shuddering here because that's exactly what I did). -K_

_Please do fill me in. I'm dying of anticipation here. -S_

_Have to keep you on your toes somehow, Shep. -K_

_Don't make me come down there. -S_

Shepard sent the warning though she wasn't sure she actually would go down there. She _had _just started to relax back into the chair at her terminal, her body aching slightly from the showdown in the warehouse with Harkin and his mechs. A threat was usually needed to spark motivation, or in Kasumi's case – more often than not – bribery was the way to go.

_Oh alright, Shep. Your rat is that 'therapist' Yeoman. Kelly. -K_

Sonuvabitch. She should have guessed as much. _Now _she was definitely going to tally to the rumor about Kaidan to the Illusive Man; Kelly has most likely told him of Kaidan's recruitment. He couldn't have been too happy about that.

_Thanks Kasumi. She and Timmy are most likely responsible for the rumor, but check anyway. Good work. -S_

She sighed softly and pushed herself up from the chair as she closed down her omni-tool. She stretched her back, palms on the back of her hips, nearly groaning in satisfaction as her vertebrate popped. Stripping down, she padded into the bathroom and started up the shower, only satisfied when the water was steaming hot.

A nice hot relaxing shower, and then she would try to sleep, though she knew it wasn't likely to be easy what with her mind constantly returning to Kelly, and Kaidan, and what she planned to do.


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**A/N: **I will be working Mondays through Fridays, in the mornings, 20 hours a week. I will also be attending college for 12 hours a week. That being said, I will be busy but will not fall too terribly behind on my updates.

I'm sorry for my extended absence. I was participating in National Novel Writing Month; I did finish! I'll have the entirety of it posted up on my fiction press account at some point, it anyone is interested in reading my first full length original piece of fiction. I have also been busy with work and school and kids. The woes of adulthood, right?

I will be updating my ongoing pieces, please do not worry and again, I apologize for the month and a half that it has taken for me to return to writing. I love all of you so much for your continued support and for the comments and reviews that always brighten my day.

You all seriously rock, you have no idea. At 13 chapters, we passed 100 reviews, 100 follows, and 50 favorites; it boggles my mind! Thank you so much for your support of this fic!

Disclaimer: Bioware owns Mass Effect, even though I love writing about it.

* * *

**A Path Rewritten**

**Chapter Thirteen**

* * *

Kaidan tried not to pace his new quarters. Shepard had been dropped off on the planet Pragia with Garrus and Jack, two of her new squad that were not his biggest fans. Jack often was caught staring at him with a gleam in her eye that made his soul shudder; a mix of primal lust and equally primal hatred. Safe to say, he didn't want to be caught in a room alone with her. Perhaps it _was _a good thing that Shepard had opted to leave him behind on this one. The last thing he wanted to do was slip up and put his name on Jack's list.

He could admire one thing about Jack though; her vehement hatred of Cerberus. She hated the existence of Cerberus as much as he, if not more so. From what he understood however, her hatred was way more than justified; they had experimented on her, tormented her, held her prisoner throughout her entire childhood. It was a wonder she wasn't worse off in the personality department than she already was.

Jack's influence over Shepard could be alarming. While he wanted Shepard to stay as disconnected with Cerberus as she could, he didn't want her to end up like that, let hatred change her into someone she wasn't. He had almost let that happen to him and he still was, slightly. He had not entirely let go, as Garrus' little mission of revenge had shown.

That wasn't the issue at the moment. It was what Jack had asked Shepard to do for her. Not that he knew what that was, as Shepard had chosen to keep him in the dark since she didn't take him ground side. He had wanted to go but, again, he was glad he hadn't; in reality, he was torn between wanting to stay on the ship and wanting to be by her side.

Things were complicated between them, no doubt due to his careless words. There was chasm between them that had been formed the moment he'd seen the vids and heard the rumor that she was alive and working for Cerberus. At first he had thought there was no way that she was alive. The first thing she would have done was contact him, if he'd gauged their relationship correctly. He had meant a lot to her, just as she had meant the world to him. When he'd really and truly seen her on Horizon, there was no doubt in his mind that this woman was really Shepard; on the heels of that realization had come the hurt, hurt that had come from the knowledge that she hadn't bothered to contact him. His anger and his hurt had led him to say some very...unwarranted things.

He had never doubted Shepard. Hell, he had helped her steal the Normandy SR-1 to go to Ilos and had, with no regret, broken fraternization regulations to be with her. He knew she only did things for the right reasons and yet he had immediately turned on her on Horizon, hadn't he?

He groaned and smacked the heel of his hand against his forehead. He had really made a mess of things, hadn't he? He didn't know where he stood, or where she stood, or where _they _stood, but he did know one thing – that he still loved her. Being away from her was torture, especially while she – or they – were in the employ of Cerberus. Who knew what the Illusive Man intended for Shepard.

That was one of the reasons he had allowed himself to stay here, or rather to come back here when he could have very well just walked away and not looked back. Well, he would have looked back, but he could still have walked away. Leaving Shepard to the Illusive Man's whims, however, wasn't something he found he couldn't do.

He fired up his omni-tool, checked the time, then sighed and shut it off when he realized only half an hour had passed. That wasn't a good sign; at this rate it would feel like days until Shepard returned to the Normandy.

He plopped down into the chair and sighed more loudly. He rubbed his fingers against his temples, feeling the beginning of a migraine coming on. They seemed to have become a daily – if not more so – occurrence since he'd returned to the Normandy.

Probably from thinking too much. Ah well. Where Shepard was concerned, he had a lot of thinking to do.

* * *

Things on Pragia weren't going the way Shepard had hoped. Yes, Jack had been upfront about her intentions to blow the deserted base of operations, that she had been raised in, to hell and back, but Shepard had hoped she could talk the biotic out of it. So far – no luck. She had barely stopped the woman from murdering one of the children – now grown like her – that had been raised there as well, and who had been planning to re-open the facility.

"Ready to blow this place to hell, Shepard?" Jack sneered the question.

"You really want to do that, Jack?" Shepard knew the answer, despite having asked it again for what had to be the twentieth time.

"You really should stop trying to talk her out of it," Garrus grumbled in his dual tone as he readjusted the scope on his sniper rifle. "If she wants to blow it to hell, I say let her."

Shepard sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose; she knew exactly why he was saying what he was. He still hadn't gotten over what had happened with Sidonis, that it was her – and Kaidan's – fault that the turian had walked away from Garrus' well aimed kill shot.

"Ah Garrus, I knew you'd come around." Jack grinned.

The turian flared his mandibles in a chuckle and shook his head. "Think what you want, tats."

"Tats?" Shepard's brow nearly hit her hairline.

"Nickname someone on the ship gave me," Jack shrugged, obviously not offended. "Fuck, it suits me well enough. I won't complain." She clucked her tongue and shrugged a shoulder. "Much."

"Right." Shepard turned her gaze back to Aresh. "What do you plan to do with him?"

"The fuck do I care?" Jack snapped. "You are the one who told me not to fucking shoot him. Guess he'll die in the blast."

"You just want to leave him here?"

"Again – the fuck do I care?"

Shepard sighed and nodded. "Fine, let's get out of here then."

"Couldn't have said it better myself," Garrus sighed. "Sick of this place."

Shepard was too. Jack was a handful to deal with, but what she had went through, well, perhaps it was better that this place be blown to hell. They left Aresh in the cell, though he refused to come with them anyway. Once they were in the shuttle, Jack sat and started fiddling with the trigger to the bomb. Shepard merely watched and wondered if she would actually push the button as the shuttle began to lift off. This went on for a few minutes, until finally Jack looked up toward Shepard.

They stared at each other for a long moment and even though she had intentionally wanted to talk Jack out of this, she found herself nodding her acquiescence. Jack nodded back as Shepard hit the bulkhead to alert the pilot to the impending explosion.

A moment later and the Pragia facility was no more.

* * *

Shepard didn't have a moment to rest after they boarded the Normandy. Almost immediately on route to her quarters, Joker alerted her over the comm that Jack and Miranda were currently in an altercation in the XO's office. Great, just what she needed. She swiftly turned and readjusted her course, taking the lift to the crew floor. And of course, Kaidan had to be waiting for her there, didn't he? Nothing could ever be simple, could it?

"Hey," he greeted uncertainly.

"Now's not a good time, Kaidan." Shepard snapped, a little more forcefully than she intended. She heard the distinct sound of a piece of furniture hitting the hull of her ship.

"Yeah, sounds like something is, ah, going on."

"Right, 'bout to take care of it. One sec." She walked herself to Miranda's office. A few moments later, Jack stormed out, obviously miffed, but at least not raging mad as she had been originally. Apparently the whole altercation had come about when Jack had demanded Miranda to admit that what Cerberus had done to her was wrong. Of course Miranda had refused, but somehow, Shepard had managed to talk them both down, although thanks to Kaidan's momentary stall, she had almost missed that chance. She could have sworn the two were a mere second away from unleashing their biotics on each other – something not good when aboard a ship in space. They would likely tear a hole in the ship and then where would they be.

Kaidan was still waiting for Shepard when she left Miranda's office. He was half sitting on the mess table, his arms folded across his built chest. She could remember laying against that chest as if it were last week and again, she was reminded that it had been years, not weeks. She wondered if this bizarre lapse in her memories and current time would ease, yet she doubted that it would while things were still so...unsettled.

"All better?" He had the audacity to appear amused.

Shepard rolled her eyes. "For now," she conceded as she folded her arms across her chest. "Thanks to you stopping me though, we were seconds away from experiencing a hull breach."

"Did you take pictures?" Joker asked over the comm. Shepard found the nearest camera and glared openly at it. "Ah, sorry Commander. I'll just uh, go back to flying the ship."

"You do that," she grumbled as Kaidan chuckled.

"That bad?"

She nodded once. "It's always been like that. Can't blame her though, not after what we saw on Pragia."

Kaidan frowned and mulled silently for a few minutes. Then he lifted his eyes back to her face and sighed. "So what was it that she wanted you to do?"

Shepard had no doubt that that question had been burned into his brain in the time that they were gone. For a moment, she wondered if she should tell him. "Plant a bomb," she said with a slight shrug.

"A bomb?"

"A bomb," she repeated. "She wanted to blow the facility to hell. It was the place where Cerberus raised her, experimented on her. At first, I wasn't going to let her but after all that we found out...well, I wasn't about to let Cerberus – or anyone else – use it for that again."

"Shepard..."

"Kaidan, don't. You didn't see what we saw."

"Because you left me here," he grumbled.

"Only because you made a mess of things when Garrus asked for my help!" She snapped back defensively.

He sighed, rubbed his hand over his face. "Look, this wasn't why I came to find you. I wanted to talk."

"We're talking now."

"No, we're arguing...something we seem to be doing a lot lately."

They lapsed into silence after that. Neither of them knew what to say because what he said was true. They had been fighting almost every time they talked since he had come back aboard the Normandy. She looked at him sadly; her death really had changed things. She wondered now if there was a way to go back.

_If_ there was, it was not going to be an easy path, that was for sure.

With a sigh, she forced herself to walk away and keep walking, even as he called out her name. She had to steel herself from going back. Once in her cabin, she sat at her private terminal and began to filter through her messages. One in particular caught her eye.

_From: Cerberus Intel_

_Commander Shepard,_

_Contacting you per Illusive Man's instructions. He believed you would want to know that he had ordered Subject Zero's project shut down before the riot broke out. Cerberus personnel arrived to find all guards dead, along with most of the subjects. Any surviving children were treated for injuries, given mild amnesic treatments, and delivered to Alliance facilities as survivors of slaver attacks. A few surviving doctors were forcibly retired for their role in the project._

_Per your report, the facility on Pragia has been destroyed._

She weighed the message's contents carefully. She found herself doubting them. The Illusive Man would say and do anything to get Shepard on his side, she wasn't naive enough to think otherwise. With a grim frown, she deleted the message and closed the terminal. Forcibly retired? Hell, why didn't they just say shot? She held no doubt that Cerberus personnel was expendable, given how her awakening had gone – Miranda herself had said it before.

Shepard was the key, what the Illusive Man wanted, who he knew could save them from the Collectors and the Reapers.

No pressure, right?


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**A/N: **So sorry about the extended pause once again! Between work, kids, and two bouts of sickness, I haven't had the energy to write even in my spare time – as meager as it has been lately. Thank you for those of you who've stuck around from the beginning and continue to follow along; to all the newbies, welcome and I hope you continue to enjoy! Thanks to all of you, for the outstanding and – to me – nearly overwhelming response! Thank you!

Disclaimer: Don't own Mass Effect, or the characters, but I'm still playing with them. :3

* * *

**A Path Rewritten**

**Chapter Fourteen**

* * *

Shepard knew that she couldn't avoid Kaidan forever, but she tried to do just that for as long as she could. After her parting shot during their last conversation – about how they seemed to do nothing but argue – she could feel the tension between them; palpable tension, that made that saying come to mind – tension so thick she had to cut it with a knife.

It was turning about to be harder than she thought. Once she was set on avoiding him, he seemed to pop up everywhere. If she turned a corner – there he was. If she went to the mess in the middle of the night when she couldn't sleep – there he was. If she went to amuse herself with idle chit chat with Joker – he was there too.

When she went to find Joker last time and found Kaidan there, she stormed out, not bothering to hide her irritation. Joker then took it upon himself to contact her via the comm to let her know that Kaidan had followed, intent on tracking her down to 'talk'. Taking the cowards way out, Shepard had fled to her cabin and had EDI play guard.

That was the last incident that made her see that avoiding him forever wasn't plausible. The only way to completely avoid him would be to put him off ship – something she couldn't bring herself to think of, much less actually do.

Next best option? Keep busy. That she could do; that was what she was best at.

Today's agenda? Helping Thane track down his son. There were minutes away from docking at the Citadel, where they would start dwindling down their leads until they found the one they needed. Thane wanted to find his estranged son before the young drell ruined his life – by following in Thane's footsteps in becoming an assassin.

In the brief time they've had to get to know each other, Shepard found a friend in the drell assassin. Thane was easy to talk with and she found she liked doing just that. Helping him, well, she would do it even if he hadn't asked. It pained her to know that he would die and soon, even if they came back alive from the trip through the Omega-4 relay; setting his life to rights, it was something she wanted to do because she could, not because she had to.

Pulling herself from her thoughts, Shepard forced herself away from her terminal with a soft sigh. "EDI, how long 'til we dock?"

"Two minutes, Commander."

Best get up and moving then. Shepard stood and rolled her shoulders, working out the stiffness that had started from having sat at her terminal for so long.

"Commander, Kaidan is requesting to speak with you."

"Of course he is," she muttered; his timing was as impeccable as always. Her heart did that little nervous flip, making her frown. Kaidan was the only one who could ever make it do that, the only one who had ever made her feel like, well, a woman, not just a soldier. It wasn't right that she was avoiding him like this, as much as she wanted to keep doing just that. "Let him in, EDI."

He strolled in casually, though she could see he was strained with tension, his shoulders tight and that little worry crunch between his brows. The very one she used to smooth away lovingly with her fingers. "I'm surprised you actually let me in," he said as he leaned back against her aquarium and folded his arms across his chest.

"You're not the only one." She shrugged her shoulders. "Been busy."

"So I've heard." The words were slow and deliberate. His gaze was conscientious and made her want to squirm.

"You wanted to speak with me?" She folded her own arms, swallowing thickly. God, he was so close. She wanted to reach out and touch him, reassure herself that he was actually here, despite all that had happened between them since Horizon. The wounds were still fresh, but that didn't stop her from aching for him. _The Collectors are going to pay for taking him away from me_, she vowed. "What about?"

"A lot," he admitted cautiously.

"Commander, I don't mean to interrupt," EDI interjected, "but we are now docking at the Citadel."

"Thanks EDI," Shepard said in dismissal. She didn't move, even though she could jump on that as an excuse and once more cut short her and Kaidan's visit.

"Now doesn't appear to be a good time," Kaidan muttered, pushing off the tank to run his hand through his short, dark hair. Her fingers twitched against her arms; she could still feel the soft strands against her fingers. Hell, to her that had been weeks ago. It wasn't a memory from years before for her, like it was for him. The benefit of being dead? She didn't remember any of it, where as he did. He remembered everything.

"It isn't," she admitted slowly, "but if it's important..."

"It is!" The words were more forceful than she expected and he grunted, folding his arms again. He was clearly on edge, even restless. She'd probably frustrated the hell out of him by avoiding him constantly. "I mean, I guess it's no immediately important, but _it is _important."

"I see that." She tried to give him a reassuring smile, but that worried crinkle between his dark brows didn't ease. It took every little bit of her strength to keep herself where she stood. "I have some...errands to take care of on the Citadel but we can talk after if you'd like." Did her voice sound as strained to him as it did to her? She cleared her throat and adjusted her gaze to the fish swimming lazily behind him through the still water of their tank.

He studied her quietly for a moment, as if he were gauging his next words carefully. Finally he asked, "someone ask you for another...favor?"

She frowned but did nod. "You could say that."

"Shepard – "

She held up her hand partially from where it laid on her arm. It was enough for him to halt his words, like she wanted. She didn't want to hear another lecture. Besides Samara, Joker, and Tali, maybe even Ken and Gabby, Kaidan hadn't become all too friendly with those of her crew – especially anyone directly associated to Cerberus. Garrus was still too pissed at his interference to bother trying to rekindle any sort of friendship between them.

"I know what you're going to say," Shepard sighed, "but please don't worry, okay? I know what I'm doing, even if you think I don't. I'm a grown woman who is capable of taking care of herself."

"I know." He frowned and raked his fingers through his hair again. "It's just...every time you run off to help these...people, I have to remind myself that you're coming back alive. That's why I need to go with you, even when I know I won't like what we're doing. The last time I let you go off alone..." He trailed off with a swallow, not able to finish that thought. Not that he had to. It was clear what he'd been about to say – _the last time I let you go off alone, you died. _

"I didn't plan on that," she tried to joke, though it fell flat. Her death was a big obstacle between them. A wound that was fresh, open and festering. For her, it was. She didn't know if it was that way for Kaidan, but she suspected that it was. Given his reaction and the turmoil he'd been in on Horizon, and after, it wasn't hard to see that he was still hurting. "I should, ah, get going."

"We'll talk later?" He straightened and she found herself surprised that he wasn't asking to accompany her this time.

"Promise."

"I'll hold you to that." He gave her a long look, then turned and left the cabin.

She sighed softly and let her shoulders sag. "I'd expect nothing else from you."

* * *

Shepard's head was pounding and the room was spinning uncontrollably around her. She couldn't see, but someone's hand pressed against her shoulder to force her to lie back down. Apparently she'd been trying to sit up. When had she fallen? She groaned as she swallowed what she suspected was blood. "What's going on?"

"Don't move Shepard," Garrus ordered. "You were shot. You've lost a lot of blood."

Shot? Who had shot her? The last thing she could remember was storming that apartment where Thane's son had been.

"I suspect it was one of Elias Kelham's men," she heard Thane say, no doubt picking up on her distress over not knowing what had happened, though she couldn't open her eyes to find him for fear of vomiting. The dizziness didn't seem to be letting up at all. It only seemed to be getting worse, which couldn't be a good thing. "Bailey was escorting us back so I could speak to Kolyat when you were shot."

_Who the hell could have gotten the jump on me like that? Damnit! _She had let her guard down after securing Kolyat, believing this thing to be done and over with, only to be gunned down by some hired gun. _You never let your guard down, Shepard! _

"Is it bad?" It felt bad. So dizzy.

"You've lost a lot of blood," Garrus repeated. "Bailey wanted to treat you on the Citadel, but we've almost got you back to Chakwas. I did the best I could with what I had. Just hold on, Shepard. That's an order."

"Can't order me around, Vakarian," Shepard chuckled weakly.

That was the last thing that was coherent. Everything became a blur after that. She struggled to keep herself conscious.

"_...I need to get those bullets out now – she's lost a lot of..."_

"_...did what I could..."_

"_...might have saved her life, Garrus..."_

Heavy footsteps and then shouting.

"_...the hell happened?...Shepard!...god, not again..." _

"_...can't be in here, Kaidan...not helping...I won't let her go..." _

"_...we can handle this..."_

"_...hell you can! I won't..." _

The voices kept breaking out and she inwardly groaned in frustration. She seemed to be stuck in her body, awake but not able to do anything but catch the commotion around her in bits and pieces.

"_Kaidan!...want to help, go get more blood..." _

"_...going to be alright?...has to be!..." _

The calming darkness spoke to her. It reached for her and she was so tired that she couldn't fight it. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to fight it. Nothing had been right since she'd been brought back to life. It was all a mess. So many betrayed by her return. She wasn't meant to come back – no human was. What made her the exception? It did no good, only brought pain to those who had been fighting to find closure and peace in her death.

"_Blood now!...fading.." _

"_Shepard! Don't...dare...sorry..." _

_I'm sorry too, Kaidan. _


	16. Chapter Fifteen

**A/N: **It's a good thing I didn't plan for there to be much of a wait time between these updates, or else I fear for my health! Lol! Thank you for the reviews! ^^

Disclaimer: Bioware.

* * *

**A Path Rewritten**

**Chapter Fifteen**

* * *

Kaidan bit the inside of his cheek, using the tiny sting of pain to keep himself steady. Exhaustion had been eating away at him, since he had refused to sleep or leave Shepard's bedside since she had fallen unconscious due to blood loss a week ago. Not that his refusal had done any good; when he was at his limit, he would nod off, only to jolt awake hours later with a curse. He didn't want her to wake while he was out cold, or out of the medical bay – which was never, unless he needed to use the bathroom. Despite the tension still brewing between them, Garrus had taken up bringing Kaidan meals during the day time to help the biotic keep his strength up; times like these, Kaidan wanted to curse those biotics, knowing how much energy they consumed. He could be more vigilant without them.

Damn it. He slammed his fist down in the arm of Chakwas' chair for what had to be the hundredth time. This should not have happened! He knew he should have gone with her; the damned nagging feeling that she'd needed him had never lifted and now he knew why. If he had been there...she wouldn't have...

Why wouldn't she wake up? Chakwas said they had done everything medically they could for her, but Shepard refused to wake up, no matter what they did. The doctor had finally admitted that the trauma and amount of blood loss could have lapsed her into a coma...if she didn't have any fight left in her. Kaidan of all people knew how powerful the mind could be; if the mind willed your body not to live, then yeah, it could happen – you could actually die. Recovery from something like this – severe bullet wounds to her torso and a shot that had barely missed her jugular – well, she had to want to live.

So why wasn't she fighting? Why wouldn't she wake up? What happened that made her want to throw in the towel? He grit his teeth and let his face sink into his hands despairingly. This wasn't like the Shepard he knew, the woman who had single-handedly saved the galaxy. _She _never gave up. So why now?

_Gods, she can't die. Not again. I can't go through this – not again. Come on, Shepard. Fight. _

He repeated the plea, in his mind, over and over. Then out loud while he held her hand – now seeming so small and frail – between his own. He didn't care for time, or to listen to those who came by, all he wanted was to be by her side when she woke. And she would. He couldn't doubt that.

"Any change?" The dual-toned harmonics made Kaidan lift his head and look toward the doors of the med bay. Garrus was standing there, once more holding a tray with some food. Even the turian looked haggard; Kaidan didn't doubt that he wasn't the only one loosing sleep over this – over Shepard.

"Nothing," he muttered, his voice grating from his throat thickly. He couldn't remember the last time he had anything to drink. As if reading his mind, Garrus came forward and handed the tray to him. Kaidan muttered a thanks and set it on Chakwas' desk, grabbing the bottle of water and pack of aspirin. In a moment the pills were gone and the bottle was empty.

"You really should go get some rest."

Kaidan lifted his gaze to the turian and raised a brow. "You should talk, Garrus. Hate to say it, but you've looked better." And that was even if he wasn't taking the new scars into consideration.

Garrus rolled his eyes and scoffed, mandibles fluttering out in a half-assed grin. "At least I still look better than you."

Kaidan grunted and took the energy bar of the tray, unwrapping it before he took a bite. He chewed it mindlessly, swallowing a little forcibly. His stomach ached for substance and yet it rolled uncomfortably with each bite. He knew Shepard would be mad when she woke if he didn't take care of himself – though, really, he wasn't. Garrus was forcing him to. Not that he was complaining – much.

When he finished the bar and set the wrapped aside, he glanced up to find the turian staring down into Shepard's sleeping face. Kaidan didn't how to gauge turian expressions all that well, but he could clearly see that Garrus was nearly in as much pain as himself. That knowledge made his gut churn with jealousy, which in turn made him feel ridiculous. Shepard was hurt; this was not the time to be jealous of something that didn't even exist. Right?

"You think she is going to wake up?"

Kaidan frowned, his dark brows scrunching together. "Don't even think for a second that she won't, Vakarian."

"She should have woken by now," he asserted.

"She will wake up!" Kaidan slammed his hand down on the arm chair for the hundredth-and-first time.

The turian nodded and held up his talons in surrender. "Okay, she will."

"If we lose faith, so will she..." Kaidan trailed off before he said '_more than she already has_.'

"Point taken." Garrus began to pace the confines of the med bay. "I hate this. Now I know how she must have felt after Omega."

"Why do you say that?" Kaidan leaned back in the chair and massaged his temples with a hand, trying to ease the tension there while the aspirin worked to do its trick.

"The Illusive Man was keeping tabs on me. I made an impact, I guess. He gave my file to Shepard, told her to recruit me for this mission – though she didn't know I was Archangel until she stormed into my base." Garrus chuckled. "Should've seen the look on her face. I swear she was going to hug me. Must have thought better of it." He shrugged. "She helped me take out the merc groups. But they repaired the gun ship – despite Shepard's sabotage. I was shot down. I didn't think I was going to live, to be honest. But she hauled my ass back to the ship and ordered me to live, threatened me with bodily harm if I didn't obey her. Redundant if you ask me, considering I was already pretty harmed."

Kaidan couldn't help the ghost of a smile that teased his lips. "Sounds like Shepard."

Garrus nodded. "Chakwas had to force her out of the med bay and even then, she didn't stray far. Only her duties managed to take her further than the mess. Now I know the feeling. Can't say I like it much." He kicked his foot with a muttered curse in the turian language, something Kaidan's translator couldn't register.

"I don't like it either." Kaidan pushed up from the chair and sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair. "She's so strong, you never think she'll be hurt. When she died...I swear I lost it."

"According to Joker, you did lose it. You popped the guy and had to be sedated."

Kaidan grimaced, but didn't deny it. He _did _punch Joker after the pilot admitted to Shepard sacrificing herself for him. If Joker had left the ship, like the rest of them, Shepard would have lived through the attack. In a twisted way that branched from his pain, Kaidan had unjustly blamed Joker for Shepard's death. Kaidan was ashamed to admit that he'd turned into a complete asshole after she was gone, but he had; drinking, gambling, bar fights, whatever he could do to get his mind off of Shepard, he did – except for sleep around. That was the one thing he could never bring himself to do, even though he _had _tried to date once. That had ended horribly enough because the woman hadn't been – and could never be – Shepard.

"I do owe the guy an apology," Kaidan admitted haltingly. "But I...it was hard to look past the fact that she had died because he wouldn't leave, because she'd had to go back for him. I took my pain and frustration out on him, when I shouldn't have."

"It's understandable, Kaidan...at least _now _it is, to me..."

* * *

Shepard heard voices in the darkness around her, the darkness that had been lulling her to rest peacefully, away from the world and its demands. Away from the pain that every day had brought since her resurrection.

"_...it was hard to look past the fact that she had died because he wouldn't leave, because she'd had to go back for him. I took my pain and frustration out on him, when I..." _

Ah, Kaidan. His voice had kept her warm the time she'd been here, wrapping around her and settling in her chest, anchoring her when all she wanted to do was drift away on the waves of the darkness. She had never heard his words until now, though. Strange.

"_It's understandable, Kaidan, at least now it is, to me...even if you **did **handle it poorly."_

And now she could hear Garrus too. She could feel herself reaching out for them, but they weren't there in the darkness with her. As peaceful as she was here, it hurt; she missed them. She missed Garrus. And gods, did she miss Kaidan. All of their recent fighting seemed so pointless now. Thinking about her fighting with Kaidan made her realize that Garrus and Kaidan were in fact, not fighting. Something that had been nearly constant since Kaidan's interference in Garrus' quest for revenge.

Even here, alone, in the darkness, she found that little bit of knowledge heartening. Hell, if Garrus and Kaidan could patch things up, she and Kaidan could do it as well, couldn't they? Or had that chasm simply grown too deep and too wide?

"_How did you – how did they – expect me to handle...it? The woman I'd loved had just died, **before **I could tell her that I was in love with her. When she died, she didn't even know how I felt." _

_Oh, Kaidan. I knew. _

"_I think she knew," _Garrus chuckled._ "Spirits, we all knew. It was hard to miss." _

A smile ghosted across her lips. Her turian friend was right. He may not have said it, but she knew it in the way he held her so tenderly after making love to her, in the way that he would start to say it, but chicken out. It was in everything he did, from the way he looked at her to the way he ran his hand so tenderly through her hair when she was pillowed against his side at night in her bed. He hadn't the nerve to say it, for fear of her not returning those feelings, but she'd known. She couldn't blame him for not telling her because she hadn't the courage to say the words either. It was only when it was too late, that they realized they should have said them. Now they couldn't.

Could they?

Kaidan. He was hurting all over again, wasn't he? Shepard's head started throbbing again and she bit her lip.

Where was she?

What had happened? She'd been shot, hadn't she? She remembered...Garrus, blood, Thane, more blood, Kaidan, dizziness, Chakwas; then, blackness. The sweet embrace of peaceful darkness.

No!

This wasn't right. This was wrong. Instantly, the darkness went from peaceful to threatening. It seemed to swarm around her, reaching for her, suffocating her as it had when she'd been blown free of the Normandy into space. When she had died.

No! She couldn't die again!

"_Wait, Kaidan! Did you see that? I think she moved!" _

She heard a flurry of motion and tried to reach out to them, screaming their names into the darkness but to no avail. They couldn't hear her.

"_Shepard, it's Kaidan. Garrus is here too. Please come back to us." _

She could feel her hand in his, his warmth surrounding her coldness. She was so cold. Latching onto that warmth, she tried to follow it back, straight to them, into the light. The darkness tried to pull her back, but she fought it, as hard as she could. She wasn't ready to go, not yet, not again, not when she had a second chance to do everything right. A second chance with Kaidan, even if things weren't clear between them at the moment.

The darkness seemed to melt away from her to be replaced with blinding light. She gasped, closed her eyes against the light and flowed with it until she reached that warmth that had drawn her. Kaidan's warmth.

Slowly, with an exuberant effort, Shepard lifted her eye lids and blinked several times. Garrus and Kaidan were blurry, but the more she stared, the more clear they became. The relief on their faces was palpable. She tried to say their names, but only a croak came from her dry throat. Garrus nodded once and left, saying something about fetching her some water.

Kaidan's hands trembled around her limp one. She wanted to embrace his back, but her body felt alien, weak, and so heavy. "Thank god you're okay, Shepard."

She nodded weakly and let her eyes slide back shut. It wasn't long before Garrus came back and the two of them helped her down the contents of the glass, the water a life giving serum to her parched throat. At once the burning and dryness faded. She asked them to help her sit up and they did, though they were careful with her, almost obnoxiously so.

"I'm fine guys. Not made of glass," she muttered.

"Could've fooled us," Garrus snorted.

"What was that, Vakarian?" She raised a brow at him.

The turian's mandibles flared in a wide grin. "Nothing, commander."

Shepard nodded with approval and sighed softly; way too close of a call, but it felt oh so good to be back. When she turned her gaze to find Kaidan, she could see that the feeling was mutual. She noted that his hands still held her one and she gave him a slight smile, squeezing his hand softly. The relief and heart wrenching happiness she saw light his eyes nearly made her come undone.

Her eyes moved to Garrus, who's own shoulders seemed lighter, his demeanor more uplifted and relaxed.

How could she have thought for a moment that she could leave them again, any of them; Garrus, Kaidan, Chakwas, Joker, Tali – all of them were her family. How could she have thought for even a moment to give up? It was so unlike her.

With a grit of her teeth and a nod to the both of them, she hopped off the table and, ignoring the slight lightheadedness(as well as their protests), left the med bay.


	17. Chapter Sixteen

**A/N: **Wow, things have been crazy for the last month; I turned 25, my daughter turned 4, I had Emerald City Comic Con, and oh so many blasted colds! I HATE being sick. Ugh! On top of fighting with my housing people...

Emerald City Comic Con was a blast though and I got to meet famous people! - Christopher Lloyd, Kristen Bauer, Chris Sarandon, and I did see Patrick Stewart! The HIGHLIGHT of my day though, was meeting Jennifer Hale – Commander Shepard, herself! Ehehe, picture and autograph. I about died. *-*

Anyway – **_I am so sorry_** about the lack of updates! I hope to get on these fics, a-sap, despite the fact that my life is kind of upside down and backwards right now.

Disclaimer: Bioware owns it, and me, because well, yeah – dragon age and mass effect.

* * *

**A Path Rewritten**

**Chapter Sixteen**

* * *

Shepard sighed and rubbed the tension free from between her brows, much like she used to do for Kaidan back on the old SR-1. The room was dark, despite the luminescent glow of the tank; the room was quiet, save for the soothing melody flowing from the speaker resting on top of her nightstand. She _should _be relaxed but she was far from that, couldn't be farther unless she was dead.

_Best not to dwell on that, _she reminded herself sternly as she rolled over, _dead once and almost dead again. _The more she thought on it, the less she wanted to leave her room – hence the fact that she'd essentially locked herself in her room since leaving the med bay over a week ago.

Nearly everyone on the ship had come by – Kaidan first, then Garrus, followed by Joker, Chambers, Tali, Chakwas, Samara, Kasumi, and even Gabby and Ken; she stopped paying attention after the first three days. Kaidan and Chakwas were the most insistent, worried about her health, but after many attempts, they began to let up. Only Kaidan continued to come by now, three times a day and never a no show.

That should help ease her anxiety and stress. She missed him inexplicably. Her near death experience had seemed to help bridge the gap between them and, yet, she was still keeping herself at arms length. While it had helped to gloss over their issues, it made Shepard come to very real realization that he was still suffering. How could he not be? If he had died, and she had been helpless in saving him, she would never stop suffering. And how would she feel if he'd come waltzing back into her life after two years of no contact, believing him to be dead, and to find him with their enemy?

Shepard slammed her fist down on the mattress beside her head. Tears stung her eyes but she stubbornly held them back.

She liked to talk big, but she would have been hurt, too. Confused for sure. And yes, much like Kaidan had, she would feel betrayed. Her own hurt had kept her from understanding his side of things, even if he had been a tad unreasonable in the beginning. And hurtful. Even now his words still stung, though she knew they had been spoken rather thoughtlessly. He had, in time, regretted those words. That was worth something, at least.

"Commander."

Shepard sighed, though she was grateful for the interruption. "Yes EDI?"

"Staff Commander Alenko is requesting entrance to your quarters."

Shepard glanced at the clock; right on time. "Tell him to go away," she mumbled.

There was a brief pause, then EDI's voice returned. "He is insisting it is important."

"Didn't he last time?"

"Affirmative, Commander."

"Then tell him to get lost."

Again, a moment of silence. Shepard thought it was settled, but then the doors hissed and she sat up, glaring at the opposing light streaming into the room around Kaidan's shadowed form. "I said go away."

"I heard you, but it's important." He mumbled the words gruffly as the doors shut behind him, leaving him standing in the illumination of the fish tank. He folded his arms across his chest and suddenly Shepard wished that the room wasn't unlit. She wanted to see him, despite that she had been turning him away again and again.

"EDI?"

"He insisted, Commander." Shepard glared but then sighed.

"Fine. _No one else. _Got it?"

"Affirmative, Commander."

Shepard sat up and swung her legs over the ledge of the bed. She braced her hands on her thighs and turned her eyes to find him in the dim light. "What is it Kaidan?" The silence was palpable between them before he finally moved to stand at the top of the small staircase leading down into her bedroom. She had to keep herself from fidgeting beneath his stare because, even though she couldn't make it out too well in the dark, she could certainly feel it on her.

"When was the last time you ate?" He finally asked and the question caught her off guard.

"Uh, what?" _Why did that matter? _

"When was the last time you ate?" His feet moved, her eyes watching as his boots descended the two steps that led into her bedroom.

"Doesn't matter," she said nonchalantly with a shrug.

His lips twitched, but he didn't smile. Then he rolled his eyes and dared to move closer, seating himself on the edge of her bed. "It does matter, Shepard. You been eating what I've brought you?" He was careful to keep himself angled away from her, eyes looking at whatever his eyes could find that wasn't her. Why did that irritate her?

"Some of it."

He sighed and turned, his warm hazel eyes finally finding her gaze. Neither of them spoke though, the silence strangely comfortable. Being near him was like a balm; all her pain and worries seemed to fade from stabbing pain to nothing but a dull ache. It was still there, making her anxious, but it was at least manageable. She didn't want to pull her out, no, instead she wanted to sit in this space with him, letting her eyes drink in every inch that was Kaidan Alenko.

"I'm worried about you," he finally mumbled, his gaze sliding away as if he was embarrassed of his admission.

"I'm fine."

He lips pressed together tightly into a frown. She could see his grip tighten on his thighs. "You always say that, Shepard, but are you really? You're not invincible. That has become...painfully obvious lately." He gave a choked half laugh. "You can only bottle so much before the glass breaks."

His words hit closer to home than she was comfortable with. She sighed, ran her fingers through her slightly tangled hair. She needed a shower, not that it was an immediate concern right now. Her lips thinned into a frown and she pushed herself up from the bed. Crossing her arms, she began pacing in front of him, ignoring his gaze as it followed her back and forth.

"Shepard?"

She ignored him and kept pacing. Every few minutes or so, she would run her fingers through her hair before folding her arms across her chest again. After awhile, she stopped directly in front of him and stared down at him with a determined stare.

"Shepard?" He prompted again.

"I know, ok?"

"What?"

"I know I'm not invincible!" She shouted, throwing her hands up in exasperation. "I know better than anyone!"

"Shepard – " He reached for her, but she slapped his hand away. His eyes widened, but a smile tugged at the edge of his lips.

"I didn't let you in to talk about this," she mumbled; she'd always been a private person and after Kaidan's hurtful words on Horizon, she was reluctant to let him in again or anyone else for that matter. Sure she had her friends and comrades aboard the Normandy, but she kept the distance where it mattered. She frowned thoughtfully. "In fact, I _didn't _let you in. EDI said you insisted – what did you do?"

He shrugged though his gaze avoided hers almost guiltily. "I may have tried to hack the console..."

It was so ludicrous, Shepard couldn't help but laugh. Even if was short lived. Once she managed to stop, she forced herself to glare down at him sternly – though it was weak at best. "What is so important that you needed to hack your way into my quarters?"

Kaidan Alenko, hacking his way into her quarters – who would have thought. Guess he _could _still surprise her.

He leaned back on his hands. "Samara."

"What does Samara have to do with it?"

"We've been talking since she was nice enough to give up her quarters for me. She's the only one – besides Tali – that I really like on this ship. And you, of course," he added the last bit with a half chuckle. "I'm unsure of your Cerberus crew."

"I know," Shepard sighed. "So you want to talk about Samara." When he nodded, she was ashamed to realize she might have been just the tiniest bit jealous; she had locked herself in her room and he'd been talking it up with that old – albeit gorgeous – asari Justicar. Shepard had never found herself attracted to the asari, never really found one to be as appealing as the rest of the galaxy made them seem, at least until she met Samara. After being around Samara, Shepard could understand. But to think of Kaidan spending so much time around her made her green, much to her dismay. Shepard wasn't the jealous type; or was she? It wasn't like she'd had many relationships before Kaidan and she had never let them affect her military career, until Kaidan.

Kaidan Alenko was an enigma that turned her world upside down and backwards.

"She wanted to ask you but..." He sighed and that little bit of tension appeared between his eyes. She wanted to rub it away; it took all of her will not to. Her fingers even twitched. "You haven't exactly been accommodating visitors since you..." He trailed off with a frown, obviously not wanting to finish.

"She need help with something?" Didn't they all?

He nodded. "Has she mentioned her daughters to you?" Shepard nodded in return. "That they are...Ardat Yakshi?" He waited for her nod. "She's finally found a lead on the one that left the monastery."

"She has?" That grabbed her attention. Shepard wasn't about to let a killer loose if she could help it. If they could stop Morinth, she would do whatever she could to help.

"We need to go to Omega."

"We?"

"You, me, and Samara." His gaze dared her to defy him.

"I'm not exactly getting a choice in the matter, am I?" He shook his head and she sighed, throwing up her hands. "I don't know why I asked. When do we need to leave?"

He pushed himself to his feet and she took a step back to put some space between them, even though every nerve in her body told her to move closer. God, she missed him. She missed his scent, his body, his touch; she missed everything about him. Clenching her hands to keep them to herself, she stepped back once more, making it look like she was about to climb the steps. "Should we go?" She prompted again.

"After you eat, we'll go."

Shepard sighed. "I'm fine Kaidan, really."

"Food first," he reiterated sternly.

"Fine," she rolled her eyes, "food first."


	18. Chapter Seventeen

**A/N: **First off, I'm back. Yes, I know, I didn't exactly give any heads up to disappearing. Unfortunately, I had little to no warning either. I've moved and finally my net is up and running again, so I'm back! I've taken all your compliments, comments, and criticisms into consideration and hope you enjoy the long awaited update! Again, I'm very sorry!

Disclaimer: Bioware owns it.

* * *

**A Path Rewritten**

**Chapter Seventeen**

* * *

To say Shepard was a bit on the cranky side when they docked at Omega was a bit of an understatement. She wanted to claw her way out of her skin. Kaidan's overly helpful attitude didn't help that at all. It made her feel useless, like he'd taken her place and she was no longer needed to lead. Kaidan could take over the Normandy and take care of the Collectors without her. He was proving that pretty well since she'd been shot, in turn irritating the hell out of Garrus she found out.

Garrus had insisted he come ashore on Omega but Samara had talked him out of it, saying the smaller the entourage, the more chance they had of success. Shepard had grudgingly agreed, even though she wanted to bring him along. She wasn't about to let Morinth escape.

"We should speak with Aria," Kaidan suggested. While he meant to be helpful by it, the comment made Shepard want to slap her palm against her forehead. Did he think she was incapable now? Being shot didn't make her addled, damn it. Except maybe it had, considering she had locked herself up afterward. In a way she brought on herself by pulling away from her crew.

"Everything worth knowing on Omega, Aria knows."

"Mmm," Shepard mumbled in agreement. Then she waved for the two of them to follow. They turned out to be lucky; Aria had a wealth of information for them. The asari had suspected an Ardat Yakshi of the station's most recent murder. Aria then directed Shepard to the apartment where the young woman had lived before she died. The distraught mother was unexpected, but turned out to be an asset despite how upset she was about her daughter's death; the older woman was so happy that someone was finally looking into Nef's death that she allowed them into the young woman's room. She also confirmed that Morinth was involved and here on Omega. "Wait here," she told Kaidan, despite his protest, as she and Samara went into the room to investigate.

"Alenko seems to be bothering you," Samara commented once the door shut behind them.

"A lot is bothering me," Shepard muttered. "My irritations are of no concern right now. We should be concentrating on finding Morinth, if only to give that poor woman some peace of mind over what's happened to her daughter."

"Agreed."

Shepard sighed and drew her fingers through her hair as her eyes slowly took stock of the room. Clearly the mother hadn't been exaggerating when she'd said her daughter was the artistic type. Sculptures lay strewn about the room, along with miscellaneous notes, but what drew her eye was the holo journal sitting on the single bed in the room. Artsy types kept records of anything they felt was important; such as a new romance with an irresistible asari. Shepard turned the holo journal on and commanded it to play each entry one by one. By the time it was done, it was clear that Morinth had successfully wormed her way into the human girl's heart. The last entry was the worst – Nef said she was invited to Morinth's apartment and it was timestamped with the date of Nef's murder.

Shepard's mood plummeted even further with the realization that there was more evidence here than they needed. Morinth had killed this innocent girl and one thing Shepard hated more than anything was the loss of innocent life.

"This is Morinth's work," Samara commented as the journal closed, "She is attracted to artists and creators. Someone with a spark, slightly isolated from their peers. She impresses with sophistication and sex appeal. Then she strikes. The hunt interests her as much as the conquest."

"You don't say." Shepard sighed. "Well, she's been doing this for a long time. Successfully. That in itself warrants caution."

"Storming her den would be a mistake – she will have a hundred escape routes planned. She will go to ground and disappear for fifty years or more. This is the closest I have ever been, Shepard."

"Hmm, we can't let her get away then now can we? You sound like you might have an idea."

"Afterlife's VIP seems to be her preferred hunting ground. You must go there, alone and unarmed."

"You think she'll come after me."

"You can draw Morinth out. She will most certainly flee if she catches sight of me but she will be unable to resist you, Shepard. You are an artist on the battlefield. You have the vital spark that attracts her. Your power will draw her in."

"So...let me get this straight; I'm going into this place, to attract an Ardat Yakshi who will want to kill me, alone and unarmed. Is that the gist of it?"

"I will be watching from the shadows. You will never be alone – this I swear. But you cannot barge in with guns and allies. Even Alenko being here..." She shook her head. "Morinth is far too cagey – she'd simply disappear. This is a subtle, delicate act. Trust me."

Shepard rubbed at the tension between her brows and nodded. "Let's getting moving then. Valuable time is being wasted here."

Together they left Nef's room and found Kaidan pacing the living room like a caged tiger. He stopped when he spotted them, walking quickly toward them. "What did you find?"

"Morinth is definitely behind this," Shepard explained as she folded her arms across her chest, "and we have a plan. I'm going to Afterlife's VIP club to attract Morinth's attention."

"Alone?" His brows drew tight over his eyes. He glanced sharply at Samara. "She can't go in alone. You told me what a smart, dangerous killer your daughter is."

"She will be safe enough, Alenko. I will have eyes on her the entire time."

"She –"

"Stop talking about me like I'm not here!" Shepard snapped impatiently. "We're not discussing this here," she muttered, glancing sharply toward Nef's mother, "we will discuss it when we reach Afterlife. Is that understood?"

"Shepard –" he took a step toward her but she took a step back, lips pressed together firmly. He frowned and nodded with, "yes commander."

"Good. Then let's get moving."

* * *

Getting into the VIP section of Omega's prime club, Afterlife, was easier than Shepard could have hoped. Once she dropped Jaruut's name, the doors were open to her without so much as a second thought. That was the easy part though. The hard part would be attracting the attention of a seasoned, seductive killer intent on a challenge; Shepard was complicated. If anyone was a challenge, she was. Kaidan could no doubt attest to that fact, she mused.

Samara had told her what to do to attract Morinth's attention; the Ardat Yakshi liked the violence in Shepard, she would like that Shepard had killed many in the Galaxy. She needed to tap into the heated, confident Shepard she knew was in there, she reminded herself. The Shepard she had been before the Normandy's unfortunate demise, and her own. The same Shepard that had managed to win the attention of the overly formal and, often times, stubborn Lieutenant Alenko.

Speak of the devil. There he was, lounging against the bar. He'd refused Samara's request that Shepard go into the VIP section alone, adamant in his belief that she needed to be watched over in case something in their plan went awry. She tried to be mad at him for his insubordination, but it was hard when he looked so carefree. Not to mention sexy. Somehow that man made fatigues the sexy clothes in human history.

How was she supposed to concentrate on seducing an Ardat Yakshi when Kaidan was here, with his stubbornness and sexy butt, to distract her? Every time she moved, she could feel his eyes on her. The confident Shepard would take a beat while the feminine Shepard ached for a taste of what they had before. It was still too soon, wasn't it? She tried to remember the speech she'd given Kaidan about things being different, but as she looked at him now, she couldn't remember why she had been so determined to push him away.

"Shouldn't you be trying a little harder to attract attention?" The voice whispered next to her ear as arms slid around her tapered waist, pulling her flush against a solid wall of muscle. She would recognize that scent anywhere; it was uniquely Kaidan.

"I doubt this will work," Shepard mumbled as she tried to keep herself still.

"I think it will," he chuckled.

Shepard growled and grasped his wrist, pulling it away from her. She turned to face him with a scowl. "I know what you think, Kaidan. I know you think all your plans will work. I know how well the ship has been running without me. But I will not let you compromise this mission!"

She expected him to be hurt. He may have been, but if he was, he quickly hid it beneath an overly exaggerated pout. "Good," he muttered. "Now – kick my ass."

"Excuse me?" Shepard's brows nearly rose into her hair. She almost didn't get what he was up to until he reached around and groped her ass, in plain view of everyone in the bar and on the dance floor. He was trying to get her the attention that she needed to attract Morinth. God help her though. She had to resist the urge to press her rear into his grasp. "Nu-uh. You don't touch me," she managed to say sternly as she grasped his hand and shoved him back against the slight wall surrounding the dance floor. "I touch you."

She leaned in as if to kiss him. She took pride in the fact that, even though this was an act, he responded. When she was a hair's breath away from his lips, she slugged him. He fell to the floor while she shook her finger at him, before turning and walking toward the bar with a sway in her hips.

"Ah, my good man," she exclaimed as she approached the bartender. "In consideration for your lovely patrons, give us a round on the house."

"You must be crazy miss," he muttered.

"Crazy, yes, but I speak worthy knowledge. If you show your consideration, your patrons will be forever grateful and I can guarantee you, on the whatever oath you'd demand, that your profits will increase vastly. Never underestimate your customers."

He looked skeptical but nodded. "Alright. We'll try it – once." He turned toward the crowd and whistled, gathering attention of all those present. "A round, on the house!"

Shepard smirked when she saw the surprised, pleased faces of the patrons. "There's my guy." She winked and walked away from the bar. Pretending to grow bored, she headed for the door that led out of the club only to be stopped from a tall, darkly dressed, asari.

Morinth.

* * *

"Thank you Shepard."

Shepard nodded, her heart still thrumming in her ears. Resisting Morinth had been a challenge, at least until she had distracted herself by thinking of Kaidan. Once she allowed herself to do that, Kaidan was all she could think about – and he hadn't come to Morinth's apartment with Samara.

"It was my pleasure to help you, Samara." Shepard bit her lip, trying not to fidget.

"If you are looking for Alenko, he is waiting outside per my request. No doubt he is worried over your welfare." Samara studied her thoughtfully and then nodded. The Justicar stepped away from her daughter's body and toward her, setting a friendly hand on Shepard's shoulder. "I think you should go to him."

Shepard nodded and tried to keep herself from running as she hurried from the apartment. Kaidan was leaning against the wall outside, arms folded over his chest as he waited for. When he heard her footsteps, he lifted his face. It made her heart clench at the relief she saw in his warm, dark eyes.

"Did you mean what you said in the club, Shepard?"

The question caught her off guard. She slowed her steps until she came to stand just in front of him. "I did," she admitted, although she had almost forgotten what she had said during her outburst. The moment had gotten the better of her, but had put something that needed to be addressed on the table.

"You're angry with me," he said slowly.

"Not at this moment, no." Shepard sighed. "I'm just glad your safe."

"I'm the one who should be saying that," he admonished. He closed the gap between them and cupped her face in his strong, calloused hands. His eyes bore down into her own with such intense sincerity that she couldn't doubt any words that came from his lips; lips she desperately wanted to kiss. "I was worried about you. Did Morinth hurt you?"

"No. It was...strange. I didn't want to be drawn in but I couldn't seem to help myself until I..."

"Until?"

"I started thinking about you. Once I thought about you, it was easy to resist her," Shepard admitted with a half shrug.

"Shepard..."

"Hey Kaidan?" She stepped closer until she was pressed against him, her hands resting flat against his chest. He sucked in a deep breath, nostrils flaring. She watched, mesmerized, as his pupils dilated.

"Yes?" He nearly choked out the question, his fingers sliding from her cheeks into her dark hair.

"Shut up and kiss me."


	19. Chapter Eighteen

**A/N: **Thank you to the few of you who reviewed after the last update. Even if I have one reader who is enjoying themselves, I'm more than happy. I adore reviews but they are not why I write. So thanks is due to every single one of you who review, favorite, and subscribe; especially since this fic took off as well as it did. So thank you!

That aside, I must put the warning – **This chapter has M content. **If that isn't your thing, I'm giving you a heads up now.

Disclaimer:Bioware owns it, I'm just playing with the toys.

* * *

**A Path Rewritten**

******Chapter Eighteen**

* * *

Kissing her was what Shepard had ordered him to do and damn if Kaidan didn't deliver. As soon as his lips touched hers, she was lost. Horizon, the citadel shooting, her breakdown – it was all forgotten in the wake of her desire. Because of all that, as well as some other issues, she had been dead set on keeping herself from him; now she just didn't care. He was here and she was alive – and they wanted each other. That was enough for now.

The part now was stopping long enough to return to her cabin. The streets of Omega hadn't exactly been her plan for this, whenever she had allowed herself to think of how it might go down(honestly she had thought about it a lot more than she'd publicly admit).

"Kaidan stop," she gasped as she tore her lips free from his.

"Why?" His voice had grown husky with want and hell, she had _missed _that sexy tone. In the days and weeks before her death, she had heard it often; now she heard it not nearly often enough. It may have been weeks to her but in reality, it had been years. It was a sobering realization.

She brushed aside the melancholy and chuckled softly. "My my Alenko, I never knew getting frisky in the streets of Omega was your thing," she teased.

Kaidan blinked. Then blinked again. He looked around them as if he just realized where it was they were standing. "Oh."

"It's okay, Kaidan. I almost forgot too."

He smiled and nodded. "Should we...return to the ship then, Commander?"

"Yes. Yes we should. Just let me tell Samara we're headed back." She reluctantly moved away from him, instantly missing the heat of his body. She headed back toward the now-deceased-Morinth's apartment. Inside she found Samara seated beside her daughter's body, deep in though. "Samara?"

"Yes Commander?" The asari justicar turned to look at where Shepard stood in the door way.

"We're returning to the ship."

"As you say. I wish to stay awhile longer and attend to my daughter's body."

Shepard took a step toward her. "If you need anything –"

"That is not necessary, Shepard. Thank you. Morinth is my responsibility...I failed her before. I will not now." Shepard nodded with a frown; the asari justicar's code was black and white – there was no middle grade, no gray. Still, Shepard couldn't imagine that taking care of Morinth had been easy. "Do not worry, Commander. You and Alenko deserve a moment, so return without me."

"Samara –"

"Do no waste your time with me. This is a mission we may not return from and every stolen moment should not be wasted," Samara said as she stood. "You have helped me and now I'm able to help you. Go now."

Shepard didn't need to be told again. She turned and left the apartment, eagerly seeking out Kaidan, leaning against the wall where she'd left him. Feeling almost like a love sick teenage, Shepard took a hold of his hand and tugged him after her.

* * *

Being discreet turned out to be the hard part of their return to the Normandy(not that her crew was unaware of her past relationship with lieutenant Alenko but that was beside the point). They walked side by side, their shoulders brushing, through the CIC where Chambers was watching them intently. The yeoman wasn't even trying to be subtle in her staring. Shepard had to suppress the urge to point out that she knew Chambers was the rat, but if she did, she knew the young woman would defend herself by saying she was simply taking an active interest in the crew. Subtly was key, she had to remind herself; as much as she disliked the Illusive Man, she still needed him.

"I trust everything went well, Commander?"

"It did," Shepard admitted. "Samara asked us to return without her. Unfinished business." Chambers fidgeted, but Shepard didn't miss that quick second where the yeoman's eyes flicked between Kaidan and herself. Assessing them and their intentions, no doubt. "Lieutenant Alenko was about to head up to my cabin to help me write up a mission report for the Illusive Man."

"I could do that for you if you'd like Commander," Chambers offered a little too quickly.

Shepard narrowed her eyes but still smiled, almost too sweetly. "The Illusive Man likes very detailed reports, usually from those involved, as I'm sure you know Chambers. We'll get it done."

If Kelly took anything away from Shepard's words, she didn't show it. She simply returned Shepard's smile and said, "by all means, Commander. I'll send Samara your way when she returns."

"You do that." Shepard knew that Samara wasn't returning just yet and now she knew what the asari had meant when she'd spoken of stolen moments. Samara must have suspected Chambers of being the Illusive Man's informant, or knew that _someone _was spilling information. So this is how she'd planned to help Shepard – give an excuse to spend time with Kaidan that Chambers couldn't pick apart.

With that done, they moved past Chambers and into the elevator. As soon as the doors closed he reached for her, but Shepard subtly shook her head. "Bugs," she mouthed. He nodded and they made torturous small talk as the elevator moved. Had it always been this slow?

It certainly felt slower.

Finally it reached her floor and they stepped off onto the hall deck. The tension was thrumming between them. She could feel it. Not that she had to – it was obvious that they were both thinking about their kisses outside of Morinth's apartment.

Shepard hit the button to open her door, waving him in ahead of her as they hissed open. He looked curious but did as she instructed. She followed after him as she fired up her omni-tool so she could scan her quarters. First the office, then the bathroom, before down the stairs to the bed and sitting area.

"All clear," she announced as she shut down her omni-tool. Her heart rate kicked into over drive as he walked down the few steps separating them, down the stairs that led into her bedroom(honestly, these quarters were bigger than some apartments; this new cabin made her old one look like a sleeper pod).

"They bugged your room," he realized.

"They _bug _my room," she corrected, "no matter how many times I find and disable them, more find their way back inside."

He frowned as he crossed his arms. "So you know you can't trust them."

"Yes. I know I can't but who else is going to help me? The Alliance agreed to bury what happened and the council continues to blame the Citadel attack on the geth." She sighed and stepped toward him with a small smile. "Is this really what you want to talk about Kaidan?"

His eyes roamed over her and he smiled as he shook his head. "No. It's not."

Shepard approached and placed her hands against his chest, meeting his warm gaze with her cool one. A soft, almost relieved, sigh slipped from both of them as they leaned into each other. "What would you like to do lieutenant Alenko?"

"You're asking me?"

"If I recall, it was you who came to me before Ilos," she teased.

"Hey now, in my defense, I wasn't sure we were coming back."

"Yet here we are again."

He grinned and cupped her cheek in his hand, his thumb brushing across her lips. "Always the impossible situations with you, Shepard."

"What can I say? I'm an old soldier stuck in her ways." She smiled and nipped the pad of his thumb, shivering when he sucked in a deep breath, pupils dilating. She grinned. "Are we done talking yet, lieutenant?"

"Yes ma'am," he muttered before he yanked her against his body and kissed her hard.

Shepard wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back, her tongue eagerly making a fiery path across his lips. He groaned, his own tongue tangling with hers as their lips parted. He wrenched his hands into her hair and tugged held her close, kissing her until she lost the ability to think coherently. God, she'd missed this – she'd missed _him._ She could only imagine how he felt, with her having been gone for over two years.

"Too much armor," she gasped. He groaned in agreement and they both attacked her armor, undoing clasps, buckles, and clips. Each piece fell and before long she was left standing in her under armor, a spandex long sleeved top and spandex bottoms, to keep her from getting chaffed under all that weighted material. He moved to strip her further, but she shook her head and pushed him away. "Now you."

Soon he was stripped to his under armor as well and they moved away from the pile of discarded protective gear toward the bed. She shuddered as his fingers slid through her hair, lips working their way across her neck. Goose bumps coated her skin as arousal curled in her abdomen. His fingers hooked in the material of her shirt, pulling it up over her head. Then they slid down toward her pants. His hands gripped her hips and pushed her back until her knees hit the edge of the bed. He nudged her until she fell back, lifting one leg and then the other, until her pants fell to the floor with her shirt.

She moved to sit up, but he shook his head. His hands pressed her back down. "I've missed you Shepard," he choked out as his hands slid from her shoulders down her arms, before back up. "Every night I dreamed you were with me instead of," he swallowed, "dead. I can hate Cerberus, believe them to be evil, but the one good thing they have done is give you back, even if they do plan to send you on a suicide mission to save humanity. If they don't keep you alive, I'll be sure to go after the Illusive Man myself."

"Shh, Kaidan. Let's not worry about the future. We have this moment and this moment is what I crave more than anything. Humanity, the Illusive Man, Cerberus; we can deal with all that tomorrow," she whispered as she kissed his lips.

"Deal."

She trailed her fingers to the hem of his shirt and helped him remove it. Her hands took on a life of their own, caressing the bronzed, strong skin of Kaidan's chest. He felt familiar and yet different, it made her reflect on the fact that she hadn't touched him in years. Her eyes burned, tears threatening to spill but she stubbornly held them back, not wanting to ruin this moment. It didn't matter how long they'd been apart and whether they were going to be apart in the future; all that mattered was now.

"Ah Shepard, I've missed you. So much," he groaned the words against the flesh of her breast. His fingers kneaded that flesh, fingers brushing across her pebbling nipples. She shuddered and bit her lip, arching into him.

"I've missed you too Kaidan." She rolled them over and stripped him of his remaining clothes. Straddling him, she pressed her hands onto his shoulders and kissed him with all the pent up frustration and desire she felt.

He moaned loud and rolled them over again, his mouth trailing over her flesh. He drove her crazy with every touch and caress and kiss, until she couldn't take it anymore and begged him. Yes, begged him. The great Commander Shepard didn't care. She had loved this man and who knew if she would ever get this chance again. She slid her fingers into his hair and tugged him up until they were kissing frantically. And then he was inside her in one swift, deep thrust.

They both cried out. The feeling was exquisite, a feeling they'd both nearly forgotten but had longed for since the moment of her revival. He pinned her hands above her head, using his biotics to keep them there so his hands could wander across her body as he began a slow, nearly torturous rhythm, in no hurry to make the moment end – no matter how glorious that ending would be.

She wrapped her legs around his hips and moaned with each thrust, egging him on, begging him to push her over the edge. But he only held her over the precipice, never letting her fall over it. Their bodies grew sweaty, and their lungs burned for air as they panted and moaned, writhing together until it was nearly hard to see, hear, and even stay conscious.

Finally she could take no longer and, using every bit of her strength, she broke his biotic field and rolled them over for the final time. She gave him no quarter, no mercy, and rode him until they flew apart. She arched her back and nearly screamed, clenching down on him as he thrust hard and frantically, before he too cried out and fell over the edge. Together they collapsed to the bed, a mass of sweaty limbs.

She curled close to his body and pressed her ear to his chest, listening to the comforting thump of his heartbeat. Her eyes fluttered shut and for the first time since she'd been revived, Shepard had a rest not plagued with nightmares.


	20. Chapter Nineteen

**A/N: **Thank you for all the support thus far. When I started this, I just wanted to find a plausible way to incorporate Kaidan into the Mass Effect 2 story arc, because I just really missed having him around. While we still have a long way to go, I am beyond thrilled that so many of you find enjoyment with this story. So I just wanted to stop and take a moment to thank you for all the support - whether or not you read, review, favorite, or suscribe(or in some cases, all of the above). Thank you!

**Disclaimer: **Bioware owns Mass Effect.

* * *

**A Path Rewritten **

**Chapter Nineteen**

* * *

Shepard dreamed of nothing. When her eyes opened and she stretched languidly, she felt more rested than ever since her miraculous ressurection. She knew though, that it had a lot - if not everything - to do with her night spent in Kaidan's arms.

_Kaidan. _

Her hand reached out and she smiled with contentment as it came to rest against Kaidan's warm chest. He mmm'd softly in his sleep and rolled toward her, his arms pulling her flush against his naked body as his nose nuzzled against her neck. She stroked her fingers through his hair with a soft sigh. A part of her had thought he might sneak away during the night. It was a pleasant surprise to her that he hadn't. Horizon and her death had wedged a chasm between them; after last night she was beginning to realize that, slowly but surely, they were closing that chasm. To think he wouldn't be here now if the collector's hadn't downed him on that wretched planet.

Shepard had thought she'd lost him for good. Not just because he had nearly died, but also because what he'd said to her on Horizon' surface had hurt her deeply. She knew he didn't trust easy but the things he had said, well, she didn't think he'd ever thought her capable of such things. While she was working with Cerberus to stop the collectors, she didn't exactly like it; she remembered the things they had come across in the days aboard the old Normandy. The Illusive Man had assured her those had all been actions of rogue branches but Shepard was far from a naive fool. She knew better.

She had hoped Kaidan had known better but he hadn't. He'd assumed the worst of her, even after how much they had shared together. Shepard sighed softly and lay her cheek against his chest beside her hand. The steady thump of his heart reassured her that he'd come around, that he was really here and trusted in her enough to remain.

At least for now.

How would he feel later on when she did something he didn't agree with? Would he spout off accusations once more or would he believe in her? She didn't know and that was what really frightened her about letting him back in. She was a soldier who'd had a tough life; letting someone into her heart, past her walls, wasn't an easy thing or something she did very often. She still loved Kaidan, there was no use denying it. Not after last night.

She pressed a kiss to his chest, over his heart, and he made a sound of contentment and pressed a gentle, sleepy kiss to her neck. "Good morning Vika," he murmured against her skin. "How did you sleep?" He lifted his head and peered down at her, his amber eyes warm.

She couldn't recall if he knew of her nightmares, so she decided not to mention it at all. "Great and you?"

"Better than I have in years," he replied with the ghost of a sad smile. "What is on our agenda today?"

Her hand slid up his chest and to the back of his neck, bringing his head down so she could press a heated and lingering kiss to his lips. "I could think of a few things," she murmured suggestively against them.

"As much as I'd love to indulge you," he chuckled, "don't we have a couple of things to address?"

"Well, Jacob did forward some data on the whereabouts of his father's lost ship but that can wait. At least for another hour." She slipped her hand beneath the sheets and gripped his hardening erection, caressing it lightly with her fingertips. "Mmm, or more. We have a lot to make up for."

Kaidan groaned and let his head fall back. His length twitched in her hold and he was powerless to deny her, and she knew it. "Yes we do, Shepard." He growled and rolled her over, determined to make up the years they'd missed out on in that one hour of stolen time.

* * *

By the end of the day, Shepard wished she had stayed in her cabin with Kaidan and had locked out the rest of the galaxy. She couldn't deal with this, not now, not when everything was so fresh. Damnit, it just wasn't fair that she was being given no time to heal, that she was being thrown into the deep end with expectations that she already knew how to swim. It had been only weeks since she'd come back from the dead, only a short time since she'd almost died again, and now she was being forced to face a situation that was a little too close to home than she would have liked. Walking through this colony, speaking to the addled women, was all a reminder of things that had happened on Mindoir when she was only a young girl innocent of the galaxy's horrors. The logs they kept finding made it so much worse; Jacob was as disgusted as she was to learn that his father had subjected the women to sexual slavery after forcing them to eat the planet's food, food that ate away at their mental capacities.

Safe to say she felt more than a little sick to her stomach. The men were seperated from the women and crazed in a whole different manner, standing in their way and giving Shepard, Kaidan, and Jacob a hell of a fire fight.

"Is your father really capable of this Jacob?" Shepard asked once they were standing over several fallen male bodies.

"I'd like to say no Shepard but clearly I don't know what my father is capable of." Jacob shook his head, his disgust more than obvious. That reassured Shepard in a way. She would be concerned if he remained unaffected; though she was more liable to be upset in this situation than any of them. The things she'd seen on Mindoir...

"We need to find your father, before this gets any worse," Kaidan said, interrupting her thoughts. Thank god. She wanted to think of Mindoir as little as she could.

"Agreed. Let's get moving."

They continued on, meeting little resistance from that point on. It wasn't long before they found Jacob's father, hiding away in a little alcove bedroom on the ledge of the cliffside overlooking the ocean. He didn't appear addled in the least, which only proved that he had kept the ship's food for himself after the captain had died and he took over. As they listened in disgust, the old man tried to rationalize his choices, explain away his crimes. Finally Shepard couldn't listen to another word of his lies and bullshit. Fingers curling into her palms, she gave a guttural cry and socked the man right in the nose. She took satisfaction in feeling the cartilidge give way under her fist, the man stumbling back to hold his hands over his gushing nose. Blood ran down his hands while Jacob and Kaidan stared at her heaving body in shock.

"You're digusting," she spat. "A disgrace to everything the Alliance stands for. If I had less self control, I would execute you for your crimes myself. But. Lucky for you, I am going to let your son, Jacob, decide what to do with you."

"Death would be too easy," Kaidan muttered. He stepped up behind Shepard and laid a hand on her shoulder, thumb pressing against the muscle to help soothe her.

"We will give him back to the Alliance to pay for his crimes," Jacob finally said with a sigh. "I can't even begin to understand why you did this but you won't be getting away with it."

"I'm sorry Jacob," his father sobbed.

Shepard wanted to feel sorry for the man but after all that he had done, she just couldn't. They secured the man and took him to the shuttle. She ordered Kaidan and Jacob to see that he was put away on the ship, opting to stay on the planet herself to gather up the women. A couple of hours later, Kaidan returned with the shuttle to pick her and the addled women up. On her order, she had Alliance reps meet her to ensure Jacob's father was properly incarcerated and the women were escorted to a center that could help them on their road to recovery. She didn't bother slowing down, not until she had Admiral Hackett's word that everything was, and would be, taken care of.

Even after all was said and done, Shepard found herself pacing in her quarters. Every minute or so she would drag her fingers through her dark hair with a frustrated groan. Jacob had wanted to talk to her about what had happened but she just couldn't bring herself to talk about it just yet; while it was _his _father, the situation was far more severe to her, someone who had almost become a slave of the batarians when they invaded and destroyed her home. She had done so well not thinking about that day, at least until now.

Now, she couldn't help but remember.

The batarians laughing at the pain they caused her friends and family. The control chips they had began to implant, even on the planet's surface. The way the batarians stripped down their captives and herded them into cages like cattle. At least her parents had been spared that and had been given a quick and painless death in their attempt to protect her; if it weren't for them, she would no doubt have been another one of the batarian's slaves.

"Commander, I am reading an increase in your heart rate and blood pressure indicating high levels of stress. Are you in need of medical attention?" EDI's voice filtered through the blue orb that flickered to life beside the fish tank.

"No need. I'm fine."

"Your readings indicate otherwise, Shepard. I advise a visit to Dr. Chakwas."

Shepard sighed and rolled her eyes, but didn't argue any further. Resigned, she left her quarters and headed into the elevator. "Deck 3," she told EDI. She nearly ran into Garrus as she stepped off the lift a moment later. His talons steadied her as the doors hissed shut behind her.

"In a hurry, Shepard?" He chuckled, his mandibles fluttering in amusement.

"Not especially," she sighed as she stepped away from his lingering touch. "EDI _advised _a visit to Dr. Chakwas."

"Are you sick?" He tilted his head and studied her, mandibles pulling in tight on his face in his concern.

"No. I'm just not reacting well to...what happened."

He hissed in a breath. "Because of Mindoir?" She nodded and he shook his head, again reaching out to touch her, rubbing his hands in a reassuring caress up and down her arms. She found it odd at first but after a moment, it did help her calm down some, her heart rate beginning to slow. Her blood pressure dropped and she suddenly felt a little better; the dizziness passed and she no longer felt sick to her stomach. "Spirits, I'm sorry Shepard."

"It's alright. Slavery in the galaxy isn't something I can avoid." She smiled and stepped around him. "I should at least get checked out, to be on the safe side. Can't be falling apart when we have a galaxy to save, right?"

"Damn right." he chuckled.

* * *

Kaidan turned away from Chakwas as the doors to the med bay hissed open, his surprise evident when Shepard stepped through the doors with Garrus. She had retreated to her cabin as soon as she had finished running herself ragged dealing with the aftermath of the mission with Jacob. He'd wanted to go after her, but decided better of it, letting her take some time to sort through her emotions.

"Shepard?"

"Hey Kaidan," she smiled gently, her expression softening in his presence. He found himself smiling in response, the hours they'd spent in her cabin giving him face a subtle hint of red. Garrus looked between the two of them suspiciously, but then she continued walking in and stopped in front of Chakwas. "EDI says I need to have run a diagnostic on me."

The doctor looked at her curiously, sizing her up with an assessing stare. "You look alright," she said after a moment.

"I told her I was fine but she said with my elevated heart rate and heightened blood pressure, I should come see you."

Kaidan's eye brows drew down over his eyes with concern. He reached out and laid his hand on her arm, rubbing it soothingly. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, really," she mumbled with a blush. Garrus cleared his throat, coughing against his curled talons. Shepard stepped away from Kaidan and then back further, toward the door. "You know what, I'm fine, really. I'm going to turn in for the night." She turned to Garrus. "Make sure Miranda and Jacob send out a report to the Illusive man, will you?"

"You can count on me Shepard."

"Thanks Garrus." She glanced at Kaidan and the doctor. "Goodnight."

Kaidan watched her go, frowning slightly. With Garrus's and Chakwas's assessing stares on him, he couldn't very well run after her the way he wanted to. Even if he found a good excuse, a logical one, they weren't so dense to think that he wasn't going after her.

He thought back to this morning when she had asked him to keep their rekindled relationship a secret from the crew. More than ever, he regretted that he'd agreed, even if he had done it just to make her happy. But there were bigger things at work here; their relationship paled in comparison to the needs the galaxy, the need for Shepard. Maybe not in his eyes, but it was a reality he had to accept. Especially on board a Cerberus monitored vessel. There was no telling what they could do, or what they would do, if Shepard became distracted from her mission. Her safety was the most important thing, no matter what. He wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

* * *

Shepard paced the confines of her cabin and after a long, tortured debate, she sat at her terminal to write out a letter to Admiral Hackett.

_Admiral,_

_I have reviewed the information you have sent me on Dr. Amanda Kenson. As soon as I am able, I will infiltrate the prison and rescue her from the batarians. I understand the sensitivity of this mission. However, in return I would ask a favor of you. _

_I am after the collectors, as I'm sure you know. The reality is that I will have to find the collector homeworld beyond the Omega-4 relay. This is a mission I, and my crew, may not return from. _

_Before I go through the relay, I will send you a private and secure message directing you to where I will drop off Staff Commander Alenko. _

_This a personal favor. I fear we may not return and I do not wish Kaidan to risk his life for me, for a mission he doesn't really stand behind, while flying under Cerberus colors. I imagine he will be angry with me, but this is all I can do for him. _

_-Shepard_

Her fingers hovered over the enter key, shaking. There was no going back once she sent the message. There was no doubt in her mind that Hackett would agree to her request; he didn't like that she was with Cerberus, but he trusted her judgement. But that night she spent in Kaidan's arms made her realize that she couldn't risk him, not for anything.

There was no use denying it; she loved Kaidan Alenko.

With a stern frown, determination in every line of her face, she sent the message.


	21. Chapter Twenty

**A/N: **Ideas. So many ideas. I feel like this story is just pouring out of my ears. Oh the wonderful joys of writing. Heh. There is a little bit of hurried fill in, in this chapter, for loyalty missions. We're progressing through nicely though. :3

Thanks to Shep, Mordinette, emberlies, sam623, , and general-joseph-dickson for your reviews; and thanks to those following and adding this story to their favorites. I love hearing what you have to say and I highly appreciate the support! Thanks!

**Disclaimer: **Bioware owns Mass Effect.

* * *

**A Path Rewritten**

**Chapter Twenty**

* * *

As Shepard had expected, Hackett's reply had come quickly – within the hour even. Simple and very straight forward, as was his way; he respected her decision and agreed to retrieve Kaidan before she and her crew attempted transit through the Omega-4 relay. The worry she carried on her shoulders over his safety lessened some; it would never disappear, but at least it was manageable. She knew he would be safe, after all, neither her or her crew, or anyone, knew what lay beyond the relay. The relay itself could very well destroy the Normandy; there were too many unknown variables.

She sighed softly, doing her best to ignore the guilt she felt crowding in on her. He was going to be furious with her, she had no delusions about that.

Picking up a data pad from her desk, she scrolled through what was on the agenda for tomorrow; before they'd gone with Jacob, Mordin had approached her about one of his former students who was in need of assistance. Then there was Grunt's odd, aggressive behavior. Both matters required her to travel to Tuchanka; might as well kill two birds with one stone.

Setting the schedule aside, she picked up another data pad and studied it carefully. Despite how fervently the Illusive Man researched the Omega-4 relay, they were still no closer to understanding it. In her hand she held all the data they had on it, which was, pitifully, near nothing. It was assumed only the collector's knew how to traverse it.

Dammit. She needed a distraction. Part of her chose to ignore the guilt, for now, because she wanted – no, needed – Kaidan right now more than ever. Every moment needed to be stolen, before he turned on her and hated her for doing what she'd known was a necessity.

It was late enough that she could realistically reach Kaidan's quarters without running into, or being seen by, another member of the crew. Decided, she set aside her pile of data pads and left her cabin behind. The ride in the elevator to Deck 3 seemed agonizingly slow but then she was stepping off, a sigh of relief passing her lips – at least until she realized Garrus was standing just in front of her.

He looked as if he might have been waiting for the lift, so she stepped aside and gestured for him to pass by her, but instead he shook his head.

"I was actually looking for _you_, Shepard." He glanced away from her, then back, his mandibles twitching. Odd; it wasn't often she saw her turian friend seem anxious. "Do you have a moment?"

More than anything, Shepard wanted to say no – but she couldn't; she had an open door policy and wasn't about to forgo that and turn him away. With a nod, she led him into the mess of the Normandy. She gestured for him to sit and then made herself a cup of black coffee. He declined her offer to get him a refreshment, so she took her mug and took a seat at the table across from him. The air between them was fraught with heavy awkwardness and he fidgeted in his seat, making her arch an eyebrow in curiosity. Really, she'd never seen him so anxious when it came to speaking with her.

"What did you want to talk about Garrus?" she prompted as she took a sip from her mug.

"Shepard, it's none of my business, I know, but –"

"–uh oh," she interrupted, "that's your serious voice. This can't be good. Okay, hit me; what did I do this time?"

Despite his serious demeanor, he couldn't help but chuckle. "Isn't there always something?"

"Well, yeah." She grinned with a shrug. "Beside the point though, I'm sure."

"Listen. Ah – I'm your friend. Hell, I'd follow you straight into hell with you Shepard." His mandibles flared wide in a turian grin. "I'm following you on a suicide mission – we might be on that path already. You saved my life. My point – I'm always going to be watching your six."

"I don't doubt it for a second, Garrus; we've been through a lot. There isn't a Shepard without Vakarian."

"Duly noted, Commander. On that note...I wish to advise you against...well, Kaidan." He fidgeted, anxious again. "Again, I know it's not my place to say anything but...I don't trust him."

Shepard sighed and let herself stew in his words, distracting herself by slowly sipping her coffee and letting its smell tease her nostrils. She had known this conversation was bound to come up at some point, but that it was _Garrus_, well, _that _surprised her. Finally, she set her mug on the table and turned her gaze back onto her turian friend. "Your objection is noted. However, Kaidan has shown he isn't about to betray us. He's proven himself, at least for now. There are others aboard this ship that warrant my attention more."

"Shepard, he questioned your every decision. He second guessed your every command. He forced himself onto Samara over personal feelings; what will he do next? If you hadn't come out of your stupor after being shot, he very well may have taken over the ship in your place."

As much as she wanted to dispute his words, she couldn't; Garrus spoke the truth. "I know, Garrus." She allowed her lips to curl in the barest hint of a smile. "But I trust him. He tends to do and say things he regrets when his emotions get the better of him. It's something we all do at one time or another."

"I suppose so but Shepard –"

"It's alright, Garrus. I know where he stands with Cerberus and I know he isn't behind us in this mission because he believes in it." She shrugged and her fingers tightened around her steaming mug. "He's doing it for me. Is it so wrong that I want to let him?"

"Hell no," he said quickly, surprising her. "If anyone deserves even a moment of happiness, it's you. You saved the galaxy once already and soon you'll do it again; sure, you did it with my help but –"

"–getting an ego there, Garrus?"

They broke off into amused laughter. This is what she had missed in him. Her death had affected his nearly as bad as the others; Joker had become a recluse, Kaidan an emotional wreck, but Garrus...well, he'd fallen off the grid and come back as a crime fighting vigilante on Omega. He'd grown darker, harder, forming a harder shell around himself – this was the first time she'd seen him lighten up enough to laugh like this with her. She hadn't had a moment like this with him since the days aboard the Normandy SR-1.

Finally they settled down and he reached out, resting his talons on the back of her hand. His eyes entreated her to listen closely. "Please, Shepard – be careful, that's all I would ask of you. You owe me nothing; if anything, I owe you everything." He pulled his hand back as if suddenly realizing he'd reached out to her. One mandible flared out and she knew he was smirking. "I don't want to lose you again, Shepard."

Shepard clicked her tongue and grinned, even cheekily. "Not going to happen any time soon, Vakarian. Sorry to say it, but you're stuck with me."

* * *

As it turned out she hadn't been able to find Kaidan that night but instead had spent time in the mess with Garrus, reminiscing about their days chasing Saren. She hated that she wasn't disappointed; in fact, it turned out to be exactly what she needed. And his words stuck with her; she couldn't let personal feelings affect anything about their mission. This prompted her to leave Kaidan behind when going planet side on Tuchanka. She took only Mordin and Grunt with her, the only two that were strictly necessary for the missions at hand.

She couldn't believe that she'd run into Wrex there. She remembered him being so against his people – well, maybe not _against _them but he'd certainly given up on them. Her krogan friend helped her with Grunt and before long, they realized the tank born krogan was in puberty – or at least the krogan equivalent. After head butting the necessary krogans, they were allowed to prove Grunt's worth to the clans.

It had _not _been easy, however.

Fighting a thresher maw on foot?

Suicide.

That was the generally thought anyway, when you thought of a five foot 6 inch human standing toe to toe with giant ass worm that could swallow a tank whole. Through some miracle, they managed to take it down and Grunt was accepted into the clan of Urdnot – Wrex's clan. A couple of more head butts on Shepard's end ensured it. Kaidan had always believed she relied too much upon her head butting when it came to the krogans, but it had never failed her, so why hold back on it now?

She wondered what he would have made of fighting a thresher maw in such a way. A couple of times they had gone head to head with thresher maws, but they had been in the Mako back then, one of the Alliance's best ground side tanks. Still, she wished she had chosen to take Kaidan with her if only to see his face when they'd taken it down. Mordin had been impressed, speechless even – a miracle in itself. Getting the salarian to shut his mouth for more than a few seconds was considered an impossible feat; they'd done two of those today alone.

Not bad.

Next, she, Grunt, and Mordin went after Mordin's student. It was clear, not long into the mission, that something was amiss. It wasn't your standard grab and go kidnapping. Maelon had been taken to this facility for a purpose. It wasn't too long until they started to form a plausible hypothesis; dead female krogans were found throughout the facility, and even a crazed male, so it was a safe bet – what with the krogan clan's severe over protectiveness of Maelon and the bodies – to assume that some kind of sure for the genophage was being forced out of Mordin's student. A student of his was the best choice, considering her salarian friend had worked to create the disease.

When they found Maelon, Mordin was once again struck speechless – but only for a moment. They learned quickly enough that Maelon had never been kidnapped. That he'd been there to willingly create a cure. The two argued back and forth, while Shepard watched on; she could understand and could see the good that Maelon was trying to do, but she could not – in good conscious – let herself agree with his methods. He'd killed so many to find this cure. Shepard could not bring herself to believe in 'sacrifice the few, for the many'; every life was sacred.

In her eyes, there was no other option than to shut the labs down.

Mordin opted to kill his student but Shepard knew that he wasn't a murderer, not like Maelon was. She talked him down and then told the slimy little salarian, Maelon, to get lost before she let Mordin finish what he'd started. He didn't need to be told twice.

The only thing left was to decide what to do with Maelon's data. Part of her wanted to keep it and Mordin had a point; if they destroyed it, then the female krogans that had been tortured would have died for nothing. If she kept it, their deaths could at least be meaningful – but in a way, she felt that it was tainted.

She couldn't help but wonder what Kaidan would think in this situation. He'd probably want to destroy it, if she knew him half as well as she thought she did.

It would be the right thing to do, wouldn't it?

"Let's hold onto it for now," she finally said, though the thought made her slightly nauseous. "Better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it."

Mordin collected the data at her behest and wiped the local copy clean. Now they would were the only ones with their hands on data that could very possibly cure the genophage; she debated telling Wrex of it, she was sure Grunt did as well, but decided it was best to keep to herself for now. The cure, even with the data she now had, would be years in the making. It wasn't going to do anyone any good – yet.

Kaidan would be upset with her decision, she figured. Hell, even she was. She thought about all the pain those female krogans must have endured at the hands of Maelon and felt sick.

Safe to say the shuttle ride back to the Normandy wasn't a relief, like it should have been after face to face combat with a thresher maw.

Not one little bit.


End file.
